Limerick of the Week (184)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to JAMIE HUTCHINSON, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse, as well as the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick:

My mouth is shut tight—not a crack—
Till my dentist can prove he’s no hack.
Then I see his degree
On the wall, and then we
Each say “Ah!” at the other one’s plaque.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, Jon Gearhart, Bob Dvorak, Byron Ives, Robert Schechter, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, Tim James, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kirk Miller:

In the kitchen, came ants through the crack,
So the homeowner tried to fight back.
The Formica he sprayed;
Their advance was delayed.
Then the ants made a counter-attack.

Brian Allgar:

The dentist made many a crack
Concerning his hygienist’s rack.
He was put in his place
With a punch in the face;
Now his teeth are displayed on her plaque.

Diane Groothuis:

A dancer was trying to crack
A role in “Le cygne du lac”
But the swan flew away
Just turning to say
“The trouble with me is I’m black.”

Jon Gearhart:

Sexual stresses could cause you to crack
When you’re called to perform in the sack.
If you can’t raise your todger
To give her a roger,
You’ll soon know of a lass and a lack.

Bob Dvorak:

A fellow tripped over a crack,
Which caused him to land with a thwack.
This unabashed nut
Took a look at his butt;
Said, “I cracked it!” (Aww. Cut him some slack.)

Byron Ives:

My windshield just suffered a crack
From a dove with a now broken back,
Broken wing, beak, and neck
So I thought, what the heck…
Then I skinned him and grilled me a snack.

Robert Schechter:

My captors believed I would crack
When they stretched out my bones on the rack,
But I did not break
Till they threatened to make
Me eat a McDonald’s Big Mac.

Will Laughlin:

“So what if the aquifers crack,
And the water turns smelly and black?
So what if we’re killing
The earth with our drilling?
We honestly don’t give a frack!”

Allen Wilcox:

The dentist discovered a crack
In a tooth that was way in the back.
He said its small size
Wouldn’t win me a prize,
But he gave me a plaque for my plaque.

Tim James, in Chaucerian mode:

A gallant olde knyghte took a crack
At slaying a dragon. Alack!
For the fyre-breathing beest,
In the mood for a feest,
Made the fellow a well-toasted snack.

Johanna Richmond:

Bottom-line, your selected word “crack”
Has me itching, by god, to talk smack!
Poised to bring in the rear,
I may butt in right here
With this cheeky announcement: I’m baaaccckk!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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3 Responses to “Limerick of the Week (184)”

  1. Congratulations! All are wonderful and made me smile.

  2. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Congrats to all!

  3. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    thanks, mad … funny stuff, gang!