Limerick Rank (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was proud of his rank…*


A woman was trying to rank…*


A fellow would often pull rank…*


A fellow was filthy and rank…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Rank
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The cigar he was smoking was rank.
His hotdog was messy and stank.
Its mustard was dribbling,
But no one was quibbling;
When you’re powerful, few folks are frank.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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63 Responses to “Limerick Rank (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Sancho Panza says:

    A woman was trying to rank
    The men who’d lay by her flank—
    But she couldn’t decide
    If the time of the ride
    Trumped the length and the width of their shank.

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    I have proven I’m worthy of rank
    By past actions and really must thank
    The men in my charge
    I abused by and large
    With my farts which, in General, stank…

  3. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman was proud of her rank
    On her navy career she would bank
    She guided the ship
    Made nary a slip
    That is, until her ship sank

  4. Jon Gearhart says:

    Our serial number, name, rank
    Is all we would give when we sank
    And the enemy fished us
    From watery vistas
    And threw us right into the tank

  5. Jon Gearhart says:

    To rise through the limerick rank
    For the win feels like cash in the bank.
    If you really believe,
    Your stuff will achieve.

    (If the check you give Mad’s signed and _____!)

  6. Jon Gearhart says:

    Should be your not you’re. Really smart, Jon.

    Fixed. :)

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The Captain, abusing his rank,
    Exclaimed as the ship hit a bank,
    “Forget children and women,
    They’ll have to try swimmin’ ”,
    Then jumped in the lifeboat – which sank.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The General tried to pull rank
    On a female cadet in his tank.
    She was eager to please,
    And went down on her knees,
    But the charge in his cannon was blank.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The turkey was rotten and rank;
    It was crawling with maggots, and stank.
    On that Thanksgiving Day
    All the guests, in dismay,
    Felt a disinclination to thank.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Higgs was trying to order by rank
    All the particles known to Max Planck.
    “But there still is a gap”,
    Said this brainy young chap,
    “And a ‘boson’ would fill in the blank.”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The odour of vomit was rank
    And the coins and the banknotes all stank.
    There were drunks on the floor,
    Empty bottles galore …
    They’d had a wild time at the bank

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was trying to rank
    As first but she could not outflank
    Her lover’s esteemed job
    Though she made his heart throb:
    Of course his career’d outrank.

  13. Fun limericks as always Madeleine. Maybe if dVerse stays quiet I will find something rank to write about!

  14. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was proud of his rank
    In a foreign affairs think tank.
    He took cash from donors
    Who were really his owners.
    But their money he took to the bank.

  15. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was proud of his rank
    Till it plummeted after his shank
    His handicap rose
    From his toes to his nose
    He had only bad strokes to thank.

  16. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to rank
    The safety of funds in her bank.
    She discovered a flaw
    A security maw
    So big that she sat down and drank.

  17. Byron Ives says:

    “Oh Francis, dear, how do I rank?”
    “Tell me true, has your love for me shrank?”
    “Such a question you pose!”
    “When my love for you grows!”
    “An you know, dear, I’ve always been Frank”




    HE HEAD BUTTED i put a grip of steel around his neck!

    He no longer shoots birds..he NOWgains respect..4different2!

  19. By the way..true story..
    happened a few
    days ago..while
    i’m dancing RAVE!

  20. Byron Ives says:

    For a gunfighter, he was top rank
    And quicker, the more that he drank
    I tested my fate
    I drew, fired, and, wait…
    Dammit, I just drew a blank

  21. J. Arthur Rank.

    After Methodist Church allegations that US films of the 30’s were detrimental to British family life, J Arthur Rank took up the challenge …

    British film mogul, J Arthur Rank
    Said, “This ‘Gone With The Wind’? It’s too Yank!
    “If I’d made it, Butler
    “Would say something subtler
    “Like, ‘I couldn’t care less, to be frank.’ ”

  22. John Armstrong says:

    A Russian of very high rank
    Skedaddled with missiles to the Ukraine’s flank
    “You closed McDonald’s in Crimea!
    Well, I’ll just see ya –
    Their calories are illegal for the Russian food bank.”

  23. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lady of very high rank
    Was very reluctant to thank
    Her chauffeur of old
    Who when out in the cold
    Said “It’s stopped and I can’t find the crank”

  24. The fellow was filthy and rank
    sufficient to say that he “stank”
    But that smell is the clue
    to the work that he “do”
    pumping the full septic tank!

    (Having just had new septic system installed for our home, this was easy!)

  25. scott says:

    A fellow is filthy and rank,
    with plenty of dough in the bank,
    and so he will sue
    but Sterling is through
    the bigoted, senile old crank

  26. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was trying to rank
    Her preference to whip or to spank.
    This S and M babe,
    The kinky she’d crave.
    Her guys’ rods she did love to yank.

  27. John Peter Larkin says:

    A fellow was proud of his rank
    as top teller of his neighborhood bank.
    But, it didn’t take long
    for him to be wrong.
    He missed the hot babe on his flank.

  28. Randy Mazie says:

    A man who was proud of his rank,
    12 inches without even a yank,
    But with much modesty,
    all the women he’d see,
    would ask him to do ‘em point-blank.

  29. Randy Mazie says:

    A man who was proud of his rank.
    Had a member as big as a tank.
    Women would run
    To ogle his gun,
    And then they’d swing under his shank.

  30. Randy Mazie says:

    A man who was proud of his rank
    would plank lightly on a lady’s flank.
    The naughty girls waited
    ’cause he was X-rated
    in arousing pink flesh with a spank.

  31. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    “Flowers In The Turret” 
    Every crank there is fighting for rank 
    Every go makes a hole in their bank 
    Cause to pay for a post 
    Will sure cost like a roast 
    But Fanstory’s my playground and wank.

  32. General Monger was proud of his rank
    So he rolled into town in a tank
    It really blew his mind
    When he got a ticket and fine
    For running down the ATM at the bank

  33. Judith H. Block says:

    The Cole Bros Circus does rank
    The worst,to a new low they sank:
    Animals abused;
    Torture trained and used.
    Cole laughs all the way to the bank.

  34. Ailsa McKillop says:

    His own self he most highly did rank
    And non-stop on his wealth he would swank.
    His poor lover (neglected)
    Gloated: “It’s been rejected!
    The donation you sent the sperm bank.”

  35. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    An artist, whose sketches would rank
    With the best, was forthcoming and frank:
    “It would seem that my muse
    Is providing no cues,
    So right now I am drawing a blank.”

  36. Ailsa McKillop says:

    “Those vegans? You know how they rank
    In my mind; they’re the worst sort of crank.”
    Opined most, when ’twas “edgy”
    To even be veggie!
    Cranks laughs now, right up to the bank.

    (Cranks was London’s flagship vegetarian restaurant chain, opening in Carnaby Street in 1961.)

  37. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    There once was a skank who was rank,
    And at first, a whiff shrank my poor crank,
    But her skill was so great
    The smell seemed to abate,
    So the sex never, thankfully, stank.

  38. Jen Harris says:

    Everyone here’s trying for rank
    With innuendo, quite frank
    Looking for giggles
    By implying wriggles
    Of flesh, they can take to the bank.

  39. P. Cesin says:

    A pimp took the time out to rank
    (By real market value) each skank.
    The girls near the top
    Earned him thousands a pop,
    The low ones $1.50 a yank.

  40. Jon Gearhart says:

    Told my wife, “I can smell something rank
    In this corner. It’s dark, wet, and dank.
    It feels kind of squishy
    And smells kind of fishy
    And tastes like your sister’s.” “THAT SKANK!”

  41. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Low Rank Prank

    An obsequious clark of low rank
    Contemptuous of manager Hank
    Forged all the files
    On the loo with his piles
    Then got Hank hung enjoying his prank.

    Obsequious – ingratiatiating behaviour.

  42. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Crank The Prank Frank

    A rank bastard disguising his rank
    Was frank when he told Frank ” you stank!”
    Frank said ” I don’t care,
    get out of my hair!
    You crank cause I know it’s a prank.”

  43. Jon Gearhart says:

    If I had to order by rank
    The best who have pleasured my plank
    I’d need the whole day
    To think of a way
    To choose which hand gives the best spank… :-)

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lady of very high rank
    Gave her butler a cheque that was blank
    Saying “Spend what you will
    The sex was a thrill
    And remember to re-fill my tank.”

  45. Jon Gearhart says:

    If I had to order by rank
    The best who have pleasured my plank,
    With hands-on attacks
    I’d take a few whacks
    At deciding which hand gets top wank!

  46. Jon Gearhart says:

    If I had to order by rank
    The best who have pleasured my plank,
    I’d take the whole week
    To twaddle and tweak
    In a hands-on search for top wank!

  47. Jon Gearhart says:

    If I had to order by rank
    The best who have pleasured my plank,
    The subject I’d broach
    With a hands-on approach
    To tally up whacks for top wank.

  48. Jon Gearhart says:

    If I had to order by rank
    The best who have pleasured my plank,
    I’d have a go
    At a full blow-by-blow,
    And top flautist I’d tout as top skank!

  49. Jon Gearhart says:

    If I want the very top-rank
    Most talented woodwinding skank,
    Where shouldst thou goest
    To find an oboist
    That knowest the ways of the shank??

  50. Jon Gearhart says:

    rrrrgh. Can you get rid of that r-ible r in line one?

    Note from Mad Kane: Done. :)

  51. Hey, youse blonde! you ‘as tryin’ to rank
    Th’ partic’lars o’ ma’ legen’ crank—
    See now, me’be yo tooks
    Off yor ow’ daisy dukes
    An’ we splash in the ol’ water tank… eh?

    (Way too much comics and TV: Lil Abner, Petticoat Junction, Dukes of Hazzard, etc.)

  52. rbasler says:

    The best movies we tried to rank
    “Clearly,” said Jim, “Casablanc…”
    Marie butted in,
    She said, “Gone With the Wind”
    For my vote, I went with “Shawshank”

  53. Andy Sewina says:

    Nice one Mad!
    Here’s mine:
    A fellow was filthy and rank
    his feet and his armpits both stank
    He lived on the streets
    with all the dead beats
    His millions untouched in the bank

  54. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman’s B O was so rank
    And even her underwear stank
    That when she went in
    To withdraw a fin
    She got an escort from the bank

  55. Fred Bortz says:

    A competitor of the first rank
    Took his speed-eating prize to the bank.
    He never got flustered.
    With relish, he mustered
    The courage to swallow each frank.

  56. Allen Wilcox says:

    A fellow, drunk, filthy and rank,
    Exposed his sad wang to a skank.
    But she was farsighted.
    His scream was ignited
    When she reached out and gave it a yank.

  57. Allen Wilcox says:

    The younger would often pull rank
    And give orders the older thought stank.
    Said the younger, “Be free.
    When you must disagree,
    I’ll be Jesse and you can be Frank.”

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    A billionaire reached the top rank
    Of those who stow loot in the bank.
    When asked who to give credit,
    Quite astonished he said, “It
    Is me, only me, I must thank.”

  59. Jon Gearhart says:

    Collect all your thoughts and then rank
    Rod Resplendent or Awesomely Swank.
    Assess if you treasured
    Nine inches that pleasured.
    Keep mindful, I’m just a big

  60. Mark Kane says:

    With banking the key word is rank;
    Who grovels and who you must thank.
    But behind that veneer
    Is a cold-hearted sneer.
    These pirates should all walk the plank.

  61. Tim James says:

    A French guy attempted to rank
    All the gals in the bar where he drank.
    With the top four he dared
    But they all gave him merde.
    So he settled for Mademoiselle Cinq.

  62. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    There once was a lord of high rank
    Who made juvenile jokes that so stank.
    And the worst of the lot
    Made guests flee from the spot
    When he offered his finger to yank.

  63. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 175.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Post.