Limerick Fix (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow got into a fix…*


A fellow was trying to fix…*


A woman who needed a fix…*


A man who demands a quick fix…*

(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Fix
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow got into a fix
After betting on rather poor picks.
Not casinos or horses—
I’m talking divorces;
He married four henpecking chicks.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

60 Responses to “Limerick Fix (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I have not met a man I could fix,
    Though they all come with damage and tics.
    So I’m done with that lot,
    And will fashion a bot
    Using dildos and tiny, toy bricks.

  2. Mark Kane says:

    A baker was trying to fix
    His “creation” with various tricks.
    Adding sugar and yeast,
    with no help in the least,
    In the end he just used a “cake mix.”

  3. John Sardo says:

    A man who demands a quick fix
    Is told by his honey nix nix
    It’s time for a nap
    Stop being a sap
    Whack your stick on a pile of bricks.

  4. John Sardo says:

    A woman who needed a fix
    Walked the street while plying for tricks
    She got caught by a cop
    Who told her to stop
    Then cuffed her with several quick clicks.

  5. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was trying to fix
    A gas engine making loud ticks.
    He lit up a smoke
    The end was no joke.
    There are much better ways to get kicks.

  6. Judith says:

    A woman who needed a fix
    For her shopping addiction real quick,
    Found internet shopping
    A high never stopping!
    She’s sated with just a few clicks!

  7. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow got into a fix
    When he got caught performing tricks
    Rather dirty
    And a bit flirty
    He just liked giving out licks

  8. rbasler says:

    Some doctors were trying to fix
    A young man who was born with two dicks
    In the end, all these geniuses
    Let him keep BOTH his penises
    Which added more spice to the mix….

  9. Fred Bortz says:

    My broker got into a fix
    By touting some dubious picks.
    Then he went off the track,
    And I cut him no slack,
    When he started some Ponzi-like tricks.

  10. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow got into a fix
    after quite a few computer clicks
    that led him astray
    He spent the whole day
    looking at 1920s nude pix

    His wife then just happened by
    and saw them and let out a sigh
    “I just can’t compete
    with that bare ancient meat.”
    So she punched hubby right in the eye

  11. scott says:

    A fellow was trying to fix,
    the meter in his limericks,
    he then had a thought,
    “It would sound better, Scott,
    if you stopped adding line number six.”

  12. Craig says:

    The porn star wound up in a fix
    With a Harry, three Toms, and two Dicks.
    Seems she tried to add Kevin
    And satisfy seven
    But failed, so her record’s still six.

  13. Fred Bortz says:

    Another trip to the dark side:

    The mechanic was called on to fix
    The chandler’s machine that made wicks.
    The strings were so long
    They resembled a schlong,
    A taboo for the owner, Sam Dix.

  14. Mark Kane says:

    A jockey took part in a fix.
    He’d hold back his horse in the sticks.
    Causing odds to run high,
    Then he’d let that horse fly,
    And profit from gambling hicks.

  15. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was trying to fix,
    His love life with various tricks.
    Rather than stew,
    He altered his queue,
    And added Rom-Coms to Netflix.

  16. Kathleen Cole says:

    A woman who needed a fix
    Decided to flash nudie pix.
    But it all backfired.
    In a state unattired,
    Even her dealer said “NIX!”

  17. Jon Gearhart says:

    A young fellow was trying to fix
    A new keyboard to type short porn flix
    With just a few keys
    The first picked were these:
    # 2 SPACE @ 1 END (That’s just six!)

    But for even less keys he did strive
    And in keeping his vast search alive
    He thought, “Less is more.”
    The next set in store?
    ENTER END 2 # : (Down to five!)

    He was sure he could tweak it some more
    So he worked cuttinhg keys to the core
    In refining his list
    Found this tiniest twist
    ENTER BACKSPACE & # (That makes four!)

    But then when he sought to refine
    The keys that he’d need to design
    His shortest script yet
    Found his favorite set
    JUst 3 simple keys: 6 D 9!

    I know that the whole group of you
    Is thinking there’s one more to do
    To speak about hosin’
    The way that I’ve chosen
    To end with I’ll just use F U

  18. Mark Kane says:

    A tatooist was hoping to fix
    His website, to beef up his clicks.
    Would changing the name,
    Bring him more fame?
    So what about “Colorful Pricks?”

  19. colonialist says:

    A fellow was trying to fix
    A time with a girl who turned tricks;
    She said, “Don’t come late,
    Or you might create
    Some tricks turning into a mix.”

  20. colonialist says:

    A woman got into a fix,
    Accosted while out in the sticks,
    But found she could send
    A means to an end –
    Works well, when one kicks against pricks.

  21. colonialist says:

    As I pressed ‘Submit’ I realised that last line should have been:

    Works well, when one kicks against pricks.

    Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you. :)

  22. Tom Harris says:

    The fellow was in a real fix;
    He’d proposed to three or four chicks.
    He gave it some thought,
    And decided he ought
    To enlist and go to Ft. Dix.

  23. kaykuala says:

    A woman who thought she needed a fix…
    Devised ways to make her looks slick
    Hoped for some money
    But did not get any
    Despite being dressed as a pretty chick


  24. Dai says:

    A fellow got into a fix
    Trying to teach his dog some new tricks
    His canine named Rover
    Refused to roll over
    And seemed totally blind to thrown sticks

  25. Ruby says:

    A woman who tried to affix
    All her hopes to a series of clicks
    Went online for a date
    And met guys who seemed great
    But in real life turned out to be dicks.

  26. Fred Bortz says:

    Old TV addicts needing a fix
    Will often watch Route 66.
    That ‘vette crossed the miles
    While Milner, as Stiles,
    Found adventure way out in the sticks.

  27. The Cheese got into a fix
    When driving to work from the sticks
    Water rushed onto the road
    Hitting like a full load
    Of a semi truck filled brimful with bricks

  28. A fellow was trying to fix
    A clock that he’d bought in the sticks
    The cuckoo worked fine
    But it told the wrong time
    Not unknown for a clock with no ticks.

  29. Nessa says:

    i hope that man gets a fix
    though it’s odd how he gets his kicks
    he’s a sad sort of fellow
    all blue and yellow
    until he eats him some raw cake mix

  30. Fred Bortz says:

    The Prez’s hired henchmen would fix
    News reports, and some files would “deep six.”
    Hold on, please. Feel calmer.
    I don’t mean Obama.
    Those transgressions were old Tricky Dick’s.

  31. A woman who needed a fix..
    resorted to tricks..
    but then found a man..with dix..
    that wasn’t a prix..

    Instead there was life..
    where there was no longer death..
    Living prix to prick a soul..
    instead of dix

    to soothe the pain of life..
    gathered together to create..
    a soul for everlasting…
    life for now as one…

    the sacred dick.

  32. brian miller says:

    a fellow got into a fix
    take some inappropriate pix
    they traced his phone
    and raided his home
    now he’s among other convicts

  33. Fred Bortz says:

    Decided to do a little research on a familiar name, which led me to this:

    An author whose name was Jim Fixx
    Dropped dead ’cause he wouldn’t say “Nix!”
    He ran though his heart
    Was enlarged from the start,
    And was clogged, ’cause cholesterol sticks.

  34. shanyn says:

    The dog got into a fix.
    Worrying about cat tricks.
    The ends are armed, five!
    Guess right to stay alive.
    Bandages the mistakes do fix.

  35. Craig says:

    A daredevil got in a fix
    Because breakfast and highways don’t mix.
    Now the poor guy is dead
    And his epitaph read:
    “Got his Kix® out on Route 66.”

  36. Craig says:

    The Rolling Stones liked to affix
    Their signature styles to their licks.
    Those were Keith’s on guitar
    That were better by far,
    But the ones pleasing women were Mick’s.

  37. Kathy B. says:

    A fellow was trying to fix
    The chicken he’d bought was just sticks
    But he aimed to impress
    A chick in a red dress
    Who’d come over for dinner at six.

  38. the man who demands a quick fix
    ends up with much more than licks
    slapping his face
    reveals his disgrace
    he thinks twice if a beaing with sticks

    Pig One’s in a terrible fix:
    Lost his home (made of hay-and-straw mix)
    When a Wolf wandered by
    With a gleam in his eye,
    And blew the house down just for kicks.

    Pig Two had no time to affix
    The mezuzah to *his* house (of sticks)
    When the Wolf came to town
    And he blew the house down…
    (He was up to his usual tricks).

    Said the Third Pig, “This problem I’ll fix
    By building my house out of bricks.”
    But the Wolf (Bad and Big)
    Just foreclosed on the pig
    And moved on to Pigs Four, Five and Six.

  40. Craig says:

    My cat often gets in a fix;
    He got crushed by a pile of bricks,
    He got burned in a fire,
    And squished by a tire –
    I think his nine lives are at six.

  41. Tim James says:

    A gal got a surgical fix;
    Now her bust size exceeds thirty-six.
    They lifted her ass more
    So now she can pass for
    That proverbial house made of bricks.

  42. Cried the madam, “Well, we’re in a fix:
    Of eight clients, you’ve scared away six.
    You pull a live bunny
    Right out of your… Honey,
    You’re turning the wrong kind of tricks!”

  43. Roger Ailes cried, “Please somebody, fix
    This FAX machine. Something there sticks.”
    You can fix the Fox FAX,
    But a much better tack’s
    To fix the faux facts that Fox picks.

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fan-dancer got in a fix
    And ran like a cat on hot bricks
    ‘Cuz when she dropped her fan
    Someone cried “She’s a man”
    And that was the end of her tricks.

  45. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man who demands a quick fix
    (We’re talking down south in the sticks)
    May ask for a “Hoover” —
    A simple maneuver
    Sounds cleaner than what it depicts.

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    A magician I know gets a fix
    From salacious illusions he picks.
    It’s an X-rated show,
    So you probably know
    He’s accused of performing dirty tricks.

  47. Johanna Richmond says:

    “You’ve really put me in a fix!”
    “I’m better than you — take your licks!”
    “So you’re queen of the muffs?…
    Lose the catsuit and cuffs,
    Then we’ll SEE if you dominate tricks.”

  48. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Writing verse—my hebdomadal “fix”!
    So—Pluto’s fifth moon is the Styx.
    It’s small. (Is it stygian??)
    Some more trivia—a smidgen!
    “The third Pluto moon is the Nix.”

  49. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow got into a fix
    On rising, quite hungry, at six.
    To cook he’d not learnt
    So his fry-up was burnt.
    (He breakfasted on Weetabix.)

  50. Ailsa McKillop says:

    For a rhyme I was stumped—in a fix!
    Then hubby said, “Why not use ‘Vicks’?
    Make a joke: Vic won’t mind!”
    —This I penned, to be kind
    But written down, it don’t work (‘less you’re hicks)

  51. Dr. Goose says:

    Bernanke is trying to fix
    The economy, which he predicts
    Will keep going sideways
    Unless they provide ways
    To goose it with stimulus tricks.

  52. Dr. Goose says:

    The BLS puts out their fix
    On the payrolls of all (except hicks)
    On the first-of-month Friday,
    Which may be a high day
    In Treasuries, stocks or the VIX.

  53. Dr. Goose says:

    When the doctor is called on to fix
    Abrasions and fractures and nicks,
    As the saying proclaims,
    They ain’t caused by names
    But more so by stones and by sticks.

  54. Dr. Goose says:

    Said a guy who was hoping to fix
    Some dates with some beautiful chicks:
    “It hasn’t occurred
    As much for this nerd
    As Hollywood often depicts.”

  55. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman decided to fix
    Some rolls with a Pillsbury mix:
    “With help from the Doughboy
    I’ll bring home a po’ boy
    Who likes to eat cake, just for kicks.”

  56. Dr. Goose says:

    It’s difficult trying to fix
    A partition of mortar and bricks,
    But it’s no cinch at all
    To fix up a wall
    Of limericks, comments and clicks.

  57. Tim James says:

    Proserpina got into a fix:
    Pluto dragged her to Hades, for kicks.
    For nine months’ stretch of days
    On Olympus she stays.
    For the rest, she moves out to the Styx.

  58. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A matchmaker needed a fix
    When the matches she made didn’t mix.
    So she set up online
    And now business is fine:
    Every match is a couple that clicks.

  59. John Armstrong says:

    I put it off, now I’m in a fix
    Just writing limericks to get my kicks
    But still I’m not hurried
    and yet I’m not worried
    Perhaps I’ll be saved by an apocalypse

  60. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 132.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Rap.