Limerick Drone (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And since the Oscars are on tonight, I’m offering you an alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to the Oscars, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Oscars-related limerick.

And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge: I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who’d constantly drone…*


A woman who’d constantly drone…*


A fellow who felt like a drone…*


A woman who felt like a drone…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Drone
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A salesman who’d constantly drone
Was forced to go off on his own.
Here’s the hole in his plan:
He bored ev’ry man
And each woman he pitched on the phone.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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90 Responses to “Limerick Drone (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    In order to stave off a drone
    And ensure certain seeds are not sewn,
    Let me say: Please don’t post
    Any toast, roast, or boast
    That makes fun of the grand old trombone!

  2. Linkmeister says:

    You hafta remember your Wodehouse for this to make sense.

    A woman who felt like a Drone
    Asked for membership at the Club’s home
    “We don’t take your gender
    No matter what fee you might tender
    For women would lower the tone!”

  3. sue dulley says:

    It’s Oscar week! Soon we will know
    Where golden boy Oscar will go.
    Some heroes and winners
    turn out to be sinners
    Oh – and Sunday there’s some awards show.

  4. sue dulley says:

    The nominees, spruced up and styled
    Past red carpet cameras have filed,
    They sit in their places
    With faux-serene faces
    While the audience goes Oscar-wild.

  5. A woman would constantly drone
    To her sis “Get a beau of your own”
    Because, if she arose
    To go powder her nose
    She’d return and her date would be blown

  6. Claudia says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    bored all his friends to the bone
    so they thought of a plan
    to silence him and
    brought duct tape, an XL roll…

  7. Judging films for an Oscar I’ll show
    Bechdel’s bias test sets the bar low
    “Do two women confer,
    Not about a monsieur”
    Will the ’Best Picture’ pass? I vote no

  8. They say that the dance of the drone
    Describes in reverse the path flown
    From flowers to hive
    The same kind of drive
    Makes me toil in this cubicle clone

  9. Chris Papa says:

    The bagpipes would constantly drone,
    As Angus would stand there and moan,
    While, under his kilt,
    The fellow, well-built,
    Would struggle to contain his bone.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A woman would constantly drone
    Of her love for Sylvester Stallone
    She would take him to bed
    In an instant, instead
    Went to sleep with a dreamy sweet groan.

  11. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    Of a woman cold as a stone
    Found her proper and staid
    So he couldn’t get laid.
    She brought gals to her bed when alone.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who felt like a drone
    Was left in a bar all alone.
    His flame in a state
    A hot date would deflate
    And leave him half drunk to bemoan.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A woman who’d constantly drone
    Of hot sex on her steamy cell phone
    Would brag so absurd
    So everyone heard
    When the drone on the phone turned to moan.

  14. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    To his wife over the phone
    Got caught a work
    Just gave a smirk
    Figuring he should have hung up at the tone

  15. Jane Hoffman says:

    A teenager who felt like a drone
    Sat out all the dances alone.
    She asked a friend why
    Who said with a sigh
    “That you are a prude is well known.”

  16. Jane Hoffman says:

    A woman who’ll constantly drone
    Leaves long messages on the phone.
    Then she calls AGAIN
    To get the rest in
    Till all the machine space is blown.

  17. Gary Hallock says:

    On an iPhone a gossip will drone
    With tweeting & texting they’re prone
    To diss ev’ry friend
    Trash talk and hit “send”
    Then wonder why they’re left alone

  18. Craig says:

    Met this prig who just tended to drone
    About surveys that “clearly have shown”
    True New Yorkers have class,
    But this wannabe ass
    Really drives in each day from Bayonne.

  19. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A man who behaved like a drone
    Was hardly returning his loan,
    But loved by a lady
    Has never been shady
    And always was ready to bone…

  20. Dean Deters says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone,
    Found himself almost always alone.
    He worked constantly,
    Like a worker bee,
    So he just implanted his phone.

  21. Mark Kane says:

    Maxwell Smart, he would prattle and drone,
    As he cradled his leather cell phone.
    Then all hell would break loose,
    And they’d find some excuse
    For the silence that came with the cone.

  22. Mark Kane says:

    With a camcorder part of a drone,
    Now fully controlled from a phone.
    Naked girls would be wise,
    To avoid prying eyes.
    And question; are they really alone?

  23. Willy Turner (EWWBL) says:

    My girlfriend would drone, drone, drone
    Until I could get her alone;
    Give her a tickle
    Ram home the pickle
    Then wait for the moan, moan, moan.

    Sadly, after the moans she would drone
    ‘Til I really wished I were alone.
    Solution? Of course,
    Teach her who’s boss.
    Fat chance, now my friend hears her moan.

    Came the day and my friend, he did drone,
    “I just can’t shut her up, Oh Marone.”
    Told him what to do,
    Mix her drink with glue.
    She switched drinks now it’s he who doth moan.

    Now that gal who did nothing but drone,
    Called me up on my cellular phone,
    “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
    What’s more blah, blah, blah, blah.”
    Now my phone swims with the abalone.

    Wait, there’s more to the gal who did drone;
    After my phone disturbed abalone,
    The poor fish got shook
    Looked for nearest hook,
    Chomped down, now in frying pan…prone.

    Go ahead, say I’m starting to drone,
    That you wish I would go eat a scone;
    Well, I’m here to say
    OK, have it your way;
    But, I’d rather eat that abalone.

  24. colonialist says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone,
    In pubs, how he felt so alone,
    Would then be bereft
    When everyone left –
    His chances of company, blown!

    A woman who felt like a drone
    (In beehive bee-hiviour alone)
    Said, ‘After he’d done
    With giving me fun,
    He’d die, leaving parts now ingrown!’

  25. Craig says:

    I’ve heard quite enough of the drone
    Of his fans who say “Leave him alone!”
    Was Elvis the King?
    Well I guess he could sing
    And he certainly died on the throne.

  26. rbasler says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    It’s my cloud, so just leave me alone!
    Developed a swagger,
    And named himself Jagger –
    His business card says Rolling Stone

  27. Diane Groothuis says:

    Fair Phyllis was hardly a drone
    As she sat on that mountain alone
    And from those dang-ed sheep
    There was hardly a peep
    As she answered her new Android phone.

  28. Kevin Ahern says:

    The opera singer would drone
    One voice is just too monotone
    She’s now good to go
    In full stereo
    Reading “Duet Yourself With a Clone”

  29. yt cai says:

    A fellow liked to hear himself drone
    Can’t get enough of voice of his own
    in his Rolodex file
    put himself on speed dial
    Now he droning alone on the phone

  30. yt cai says:

    A queen bee was in love with a drone
    Every night his stinger she would hone
    her hive was abuzz
    with honey because
    10,000 more drones that queen did clone

  31. yt cai says:

    Lindsey Lohan is such a strumpet
    Her conquests are something to trumpet
    at the Oscars they’d stare
    as she forgot underwear
    Giving new meaning to red carpet

  32. Placido DSouza says:

    Having heard of the skill of the drone,
    A guy decided to have one of his own.
    But he didn’t count on
    The guys in the Pentagon,
    Not parting with one, even on loan.

    So he went to the CIA, though it’s well-known
    They won’t even throw a dog a bone.
    So he spent the rest of his time,
    Not caring even a dime.
    And doing nothing but moan and groan.

  33. Diane Groothuis says:

    Three Witches were starting to drone
    And heretical sayings would moan
    The were burnt at the stake
    Ant what just took the cake
    Was that one of them went by name Joan.

  34. Tom Harris says:

    The fellow would constantly drone
    On and on about those he’d known,
    All folks rich and famous,
    As he tried to shame us.
    ’Til, “Oh go to hell,” we’d intone.

  35. Doug says:

    A veritable array of wit!

  36. The woman who sounds like a drone
    talking loud on her cellular phone
    while folks try to eat
    may think she sounds neat
    but our crowd will just painfully groan.

  37. A Pilot trained to steer a drone,
    to remotely send a fiery stone
    so sinners might die
    from aircraft that fly
    with punishing presence unknown.

  38. A lady heard an ear-piercing drone
    coming from her new telephone,
    so she sent it back
    with this wisecrack,
    “This is one phone, I won’t rent or own!”

  39. When Pakistan builds their own drone,
    to fly over land we call our own
    will we say its wrong
    but just play along
    or swear, this sin we can’t condone.

  40. Tim James says:

    Though “Lincoln” showed craft and élan,
    And by critics was much smiled upon,
    Despite all the spinning
    Its chances of winning
    Argoing, Argoing, Argone.

  41. Charley Simmons says:

    A teacher who’d constantly drone
    Made students weary to the bone
    They all fell asleep
    Without making a peep
    Unaware he droned on all alone.

  42. sister AE says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    on the bagpipes when he was alone
    had offended his girl
    with the squeak and the skirl.
    But he now tries his best to atone.

  43. Our preacher would endlessly drone,
    “You must for your sinning atone,”
    And I found a few
    Transgressions so new,
    I kept them as my very own.

  44. A Queen bee needs a friendly drone,
    who buzzes yes in his baritone,
    and though he will die.
    together they fly
    finding her erogenous zone

  45. The Irish Airman, 21st Century

    The airman maneuvered the drone
    At his desk in an office, alone
    He struck them all dead
    In an impulse of dread
    While he ordered Chinese on the phone

  46. Charley Simmons says:

    A dog who’d whine howl and drone
    Couldn’t find where he’d buried his bone
    Said the cat “For god’s sake.
    Give us a break”.
    Or the Dogcatcher we’ll surely phone”.

  47. Johanna Richmond says:

    I admit I don’t care who they pick
    For best actor, director or flick,
    But here’s news: when rude rubes
    Reduce women to boobs,
    They’ll now earn “a MacFarlane” (Best Prick).

  48. Tom Harris says:

    A woman would constantly drone
    That she belonged up on the throne.
    It made her blood boil,
    Her being a royal,
    That she had to get her own scone.

  49. L. Ron Hubbard would constantly drone
    “Come and taste mother’s beef bourguignon”
    ‘En francais’ the stew”s faire
    But the cupboard is bare
    And her dog finds it’s all n’est pas bon

  50. A fellow would frequently drone
    “She’s left, whoa is me, I’m alone”
    How’s he deal with rejection
    When he ‘as an erection?
    It’s hard but he’s holding his own

  51. JulesPaige says:

    Too many male servers would drone
    As the queen sat working hard on the phone
    Checking deliveries of her golden honey
    Wondering why she offered any money
    Often surrounded, she felt quite aloof and alone

    (c) JP/davh

  52. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would contstantly drone
    On and on in the same monotone.
    And to make matters worse
    He would do it in verse
    In the voice of Syvester Stallone.

  53. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would constantly drone
    That Barack’s skill was much overblown.
    His wife said, “Don’t go hard
    On your favorite blowhard
    Till you get a red phone of your own.”

  54. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would constantly drone
    On the double-entendre of ‘stone.’
    He was truly in shock
    As it passed through his cock
    But the horrible puns made him groan.

  55. Edmund Conti says:

    A toddler would constantly drone
    Of the need for his own ice-cream cone.
    “Mama, you get to pick
    And I get one lick.
    Now I want a whole cone of my own.”

  56. Diane Groothuis says:

    When her husband would constantly drone
    She felt she was all on her own
    So she then had to force
    A harangue on divorce
    A subject they could not postpone.

  57. Diane Groothuis says:

    A kewpee dolly would constantly drone
    That her life at the fair had no tone
    I just wouldn’t pick
    This cold life on a stick
    And what’s worse I am wearing no ” clo’n”

  58. Ma Hubbard would constantly drone
    “I must give the poor dog a bone.”
    ‘Til girls, Pat and Prudence,
    Anatomy students,
    Yelled, “Ma! Leave our skeletons alone!”

  59. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would constantly drone
    Of allergies mostly his own.
    If we could abolish
    All furniture polish.
    I’d still have to smell your cologne.

  60. John Larkin says:

    A bee who was told he’s a drone
    filled the hive with a most mournful moan.
    “You mean I can’t sting?
    What a terrible thing.
    Now go away. Leave me alone.”

  61. A preacher who’d endlessly drone
    Was turning the faithful to stone.
    They began to rebel,
    Saying they’d prefer Hell,
    And soon he was there all alone.

  62. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would constantly drone
    On keeping up with and holding his own.
    “All those people next door
    Seems to have so much more.
    How I wish there were only one Jone!”

  63. Carolyn Henly says:

    An Oscar tribute to Aaron Sorkin:

    Observed Bartlet, “Now this is top-notch–
    A conundrum I’d better not botch:
    One gets a prize
    And the other one dies.
    If the Oscars were like that I’d watch!”

  64. Tim James says:

    My math teacher tended to drone
    And to mind-numbing lectures was prone.
    I soon calculated
    His head was located
    In a place where the sun never shone.


    When Barack first saw a spy drone,
    He said, “I must have my own.
    Don’t bother with bail,
    Or lawyers or jail,
    ‘Cause into small bits they’ll be blown.”

  66. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    When a tightfisted tailor who’d drone
    That good cloth was too dear hit the phone
    For a cheaper supplier
    His outlays soared HIGHer …
    Shoulda known that he’d reap what he’d sown.

  67. Ira Bloom says:

    A gay fellow often will drone,
    How his Android, on ‘vibe,’ makes him groan.
    “As in ‘moan?'” asks his guys,
    “Also ‘large,'” he replies.
    “‘Groan’ and ‘grown;’ it’s a fab homophone.

  68. A fellow who felt like a drone,
    bragged of missions that he’d never flown.
    But he thought it was true
    from the plants that he grew,
    Pot and Poppies were what he had grown.

  69. Carolyn Henly says:

    The house agent tended to drone
    In a low and dull flat monotone:
    “A house you must get,
    So give up your let
    And own and own and own and own and own.”

  70. Peter Eisenhauer says:

    A fellow would constantly drone
    About women he wished he had known
    But his critical words
    Were as welcome as turds
    So he picked his own bone all alone

  71. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Ringing rocks,” all you skeptics may drone,
    “Are impossible, false, and unknown.”
    Look it up, here’s the bar:
    If I lie and you are
    Without sin, you may cast the first tone!

  72. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Thou shalt not …” the old preacher would drone
    Through the slate of all ten so well known.
    His mistress: “ ’Bout VII—
    Does that wipe out heaven?”
    “ ’Bout seven. It’s not etched in stone.”

  73. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Cut the grass” was his mechanized drone
    Never leaving his kept wife alone.
    So the blades went afield.
    And now that’s revealed
    Can you guess what is cut in his stone?

  74. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow would constantly drone
    Of his love for some good provolone.
    Said his wife, “Hon, you’re daft,
    Since you always eat Kraft
    Yellow cheese, singly sliced, on a scone.”

  75. Tom Hale says:

    A fellow who felt like a drone
    Said, “I’ve been abuzz and I’ve flown,
    But I’ve made no money,
    So I’ve made no honey,
    These are the things I most bee-moan.”

  76. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Bend an ear to the paperclip drone:
    By hook or by crook there’s a tone.
    Those hairpins are bound
    To report with some sound.
    Why else would the French say “trombone”?

  77. Diane Groothuis says:

    Ref to Jamie Hutchinson’s discovery
    My teacher would constantly drone
    “Parlez vous francais ….and so’n
    But many years later
    That google translator
    Said paperclip just means trombone.

  78. Laurie Baker says:

    My sister would constantly drone
    About wanting a room of her own
    Our fights for most space
    Were oft commonplace
    Little peace in that teenage war zone.

  79. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who’d constantly drone
    Of the story of Eva Perón
    Singing “Don’t Cry For Me”
    A little off-key
    Had her reign on the stage overthrown.

  80. Dr. Goose says:

    The fellow who’d constantly drone
    That the biscuit is worse than the scone
    Would also opine
    On Burgundy wine
    Or as he put it, “Vin de Bourgogne”.

  81. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    Of all the wild seeds he had sown
    Increasingly found
    That, as an old hound,
    It’s harder to dig up a bone.

  82. Dr. Goose says:

    The use of the CIA drone
    In a hostile, but noncombat zone,
    Is a break very bold
    From the practice of old,
    With consequence as yet unknown.

  83. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who’d constantly drone
    Without having actually flown
    Would search on his screen
    For mujahedin
    From a bunker beneath San Anton’.

  84. Dr. Goose says:

    We’ll have to get used to the drone,
    For its uses have rapidly grown.
    It’s one of the ways
    To quickly appraise
    Your home when you go for a loan.

  85. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Day-Lewis’s next Oscar role:
    Monroe! He’s the heart and the soul!
    The precedent’s set,
    Never mind he’s brunet—
    He’s an actor with chops for a mole.

  86. Sue Dulley says:

    Musicians may frequently drone
    About being left all alone.
    When asked, they reveal
    They quite often feel
    Like the 77th trombone.

  87. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    I’m so sick and tired said the Drone
    Of shagging the Queen to the bone
    Would be so sweet to jive
    With a Worker from the Hive
    And set up our own Honeycomb

  88. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    This acually happened to me last Sunday so sorry but I could’nt resist:

    The Priest continued to drone
    In his boring and dead monotone
    That’s when I fell asleep
    Then awoke with the “Cheep”
    Of my new IPhone’s ring tone.

  89. sister AE says:

    echoes of my childhood here:

    A young oboe player would drone
    as she practiced each day in her home.
    Bro claimed she did wring
    the neck of the thing
    instead of achieving clear tone.

  90. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Special Oscar-Themed Limerick Award Winners, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 103.

    But don’t worry — you can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Flight.