Limerick Dismay (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman displayed her dismay…*


A fellow displayed his dismay…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Dismay
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman displayed her dismay
At her pug, who refused to obey.
She’d hound him and bray,
Till her pet ran away.
‘Tis no wonder her dog would not stay.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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80 Responses to “Limerick Dismay (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. A woman displayed her dismay
    At learning she’s not Rachael Ray
    “So wait, does that mean
    “That I’m not Paula Deen?
    “Well, at least can I be Bobby Flay?”

  2. Veralynne says:

    A woman expressed her dismay
    At devouring a gourmet buffet:
    “I think some K runs
    Will take care of the buns–
    I’ll need Pilates for the creme brulee!”

    A woman displayed her dismay
    Her hotel john had just a bidet!
    Trepidatious at first,
    Though she thought she might burst,
    She tried it and stayed there all day!

  3. Mike Dailey says:

    This poet must post his dismay
    The 1st two limericks posted today
    Were all about cooking
    And being good looking
    With neither do I have a play

  4. Mike Dailey says:

    The voters displayed their dismay
    When asked this was all they would say
    Your guy is a crook
    That so many mistook
    Was the guy that would save the day

  5. Mike Dailey says:

    Mitt Romney displayed his dismay
    That this close to election day
    Obama still led
    Mitt’s campaign seemed dead
    He shook his head – said there’s no way

  6. Mike Dailey says:

    Mitt Romney displayed his dismay
    They twist everything I say
    I want all the voters
    Even freeloaders
    To vote for me on that big day

    But the freeloaders voiced their dismay
    Why should we throw votes your way
    We make a good livin’
    Cause Obama’s been givin’
    Us part of your hard earned pay

  7. Mark Kane says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    At his feeble attempt to “Make Hay.”
    After careful male screening,
    And hours of preening,
    It’s enough to turn this lady gay!

  8. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A loose woman displayed her dismay
    When her customer asked could he pay
    Her to kneel on a chair
    With her arse in the air
    Mainly because he was gay.

  9. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    At the naked chap in the bay
    He looked rather fine
    But even with wine
    It was too small for a good lay

  10. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fellow displayed his dismay
    In a rather unusual way
    When given a surprise
    His doodle would rise
    Staying rigid for most of the day

  11. brian miller says:

    a woman displayed her dismay
    at the man ambling on the way
    in heart covered boxers
    thinking he bonkers
    moving across the street today

  12. Sallie McKenna says:

    A woman displays her dismay,
    confused by both turkey and sleigh,
    lining shelves in September,
    she strains hard to remember,
    if now Halloween is today?

  13. Denny says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    That *still* there was no ERA,
    She made it her mission
    With constant petitions
    To fight for the right to fair pay.

  14. Johanna Richmond says:

    It’s normal to share some dismay —
    Expression keeps ill will at bay.
    But a passive-aggressive,
    When hurt gets obsessive;
    One smile and you KNOW you will pay.

  15. Johanna Richmond says:

    Mitt and Ryan display their dismay
    In the good old American way:
    Mooch off other folk’s labor,
    Forget “love thy neighbor,”
    If they balk, make them fear Judgment day.

  16. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow displays his dismay
    With a grunt and a “what can I say?”
    A woman, however,
    Is likely to sever
    Your schnitzel and let you decay.

  17. Green Speck says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    As she noticed her hair turning gray
    She bought a dye
    To avoid feeling shy
    Her black curls brought her back in the fray.

  18. Denny says:

    A girl to her utter dismay
    Found the chap whom she fancied was gay –
    He said ‘Sorry my friend
    I don’t mean to offend,
    I just can’t measure up in that way!’

  19. Johanna Richmond says:

    Supportive Husband

    Giving birth, she displayed her dismay
    When it seemed she’d been pushing all day.
    “I don’t want to be snipped!”
    “That’s OK,” hubby quipped,
    “When I need you I’ll take the back way.”

  20. John Sardo says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    As her spouse she set forth to betray.
    She had a good time
    With passion sublime
    But her spouse went likewise astray.

    A fellow displayed his dismay
    When his wife felt no guilt to betray
    His inelegant pleading
    To satisfy his needing
    For a lay in the hay at least once a day.

    A fellow displayed his dismay
    At his wife who would quickly display
    Her elegant charms
    In friends’ eager arms
    He said, honey, at least make them pay.

  21. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow displayed his dismay
    at his poorly designed new toupee.
    When adorned o’er his pate
    It was waved, curled AND straight.
    So he wigged out: a real bad hair day.

  22. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    on occasion of Valentine’s Day
    ‘cause she wanted a ring
    (or at least something ‘bling.’)
    All she got was a card. How cliché.

  23. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    upon viewing a recent X-ray.
    In her innards were three
    mismatched socks and a ‘T.’
    In her gut she knew she had clothes cache.

  24. RJ Clarken says:

    A clergyman showed his dismay
    at his obvious naiveté
    since a ‘lady’ he met
    conned him. Now deep in debt,
    he’s much wiser to cute Birds of Pray.

  25. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    When her dildo went faulty one day
    An electrical short
    To her Labia brought
    Her face into much dissaray.

  26. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Fast women display their dismay
    By splitting their sides, and they say
    The shrieks and guffaws
    From some of these whores
    Can be heard a mile away

  27. Mama Zen says:

    Run, doggie, run!

  28. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    when her husband was cast in a play
    It wasn’t enough
    he appeared in the buff
    But “excited” too, as you’d say.

  29. Rich D says:

    A bassist displayed his dismay
    at things the guitarist would play
    The moment he’d dread
    was when the guitarist would shred
    you just can’t play soft jazz that way!

  30. Rich D says:

    The songbird displayed his dismay
    at how he had been led astray
    He once sang his songs
    for hippies with bongs
    so damned stoned the apllauded “ole!”

    (yes, the songbird is still around!)

  31. Rich D says:

    A traveller expressed his dismay
    at changes affecting his way
    As a matter of order
    he got stuck cross the border
    No passport, he leaned to say “eh?”

  32. Rich D says:

    A bagel expressed its’ dismay
    at prices that people would pay
    for fancy cream cheese
    and toppings that squeeze
    between the two half parts.. “oy, vey!”

  33. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow expressed his dismay
    at having to work every day
    His doctor said stress
    would harm him much less
    if he sat back and lit up a jay.

  34. Aurora Deplora

    A lady displayed her dismay,
    dismayed by a lack of display
    by the lights of the north
    when they did not come forth,
    til she left, and they showed up next day.

  35. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A farm woman displayed her dismay
    When she found out her spouse had turned gay
    From a hard working cocky….. (Aussie slang for farmer)
    to a simpering knob jockey
    who was taking it every which way.

  36. colonialist says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    At bottom half placed on display:
    Wind up her skirt got,
    Displaying a lot –
    She hadn’t worn panties that day!

    That actress displaying dismay
    At being revealed in such way
    Knew Marilyn Monroe
    Had started such fun; though
    She’d rather be like Doris Day!

  37. Manicddaily says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    at the ‘displasia’ of her DNA–
    Triple strands – she imagined –
    like pearls–more in fashion-
    when it came to D-nuclei-A.

  38. Bruce Niedt says:

    A shopper displayed her dismay –
    in Produce, some guy made his play.
    When he asked for her number,
    she waved a cucumber,
    and said “My, they’re smaller today!”

  39. Bruce Niedt says:

    A woman displayed her dismay –
    her gymnastics routine was okay,
    but it seemed that the silver
    did much less than thrill her –
    she scowled while her anthem did play.

  40. Claudia says:

    a woman displayed her dismay
    by taking big cans of spray
    to spraypaint her life
    free from all strife
    and thought that was really ok

  41. Bruce Niedt says:

    Young Hester displayed her dismay
    that her rep in Sex Ed could hold sway.
    “They think that I’m sultry
    and inured in adult’ry –
    it’s a class where I don’t want an ‘A’ ”.

  42. Bruce Niedt says:

    A woman displayed her dismay –
    her gymnastics routine was okay,
    but it seemed that the silver
    did much less than thrill her –
    she scowled while her anthem did play.

    A shopper displayed her dismay –
    in Produce, some guy made his play.
    When he asked for her number,
    she waved a cucumber,
    and said “My, they’re smaller today!”

  43. Tim James says:

    A maiden expressed her dismay;
    She found her beau’s urges risqué.
    “With all of his lusting
    I’m not very trusting.
    My virtue, I fear, he’ll mislay.”

  44. Rich D says:

    A songbird expressed his dismay
    at folks who would fire up a jay
    He thought that such fowl
    would shriek, scream and yowl
    at feathers when fire came their way!

  45. Rich D says:

    A hit man once said, “Hey, dis may
    hurt you a bit, you should pray.”
    He did as he please
    and broke the guy’s knees
    and said “don’t fuk wif ma-fi-yay”

  46. The Limerick King says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    On learning her husband was gay
    It made perfect sense
    His dick was immense
    Tattooed with the words “Up For Ray”

  47. Danny Killian says:

    A fellow displayed his dismay
    Towards a drugged up magician named Ray.
    For at the prestige
    Morphine Anesthes,
    Effected his “Legerdemain.”

  48. Fred says:

    A fellow displayed his dismay
    each and every weekday
    for he so hated work
    and acted like a jerk
    which only made things more gray

  49. Some express their dismay
    At those who are openly gay.
    They say it’s a sin,
    To evil it’s akin.
    Against their acceptance they inveigh.

  50. Carolyn Henly says:

    A waitress trés prone to dismay
    Had a beautiful tray to display,
    But she tripped on a peel
    And went head over heel
    Until she ended up wholly distrait.

  51. Bruce Niedt says:

    Sorry for the double posts – for some reason they don’t always show up right away when I post them from my work computer.

  52. JulesPaige says:

    Rats…I just figured out this was last Mondays…

    But here is a offering just the same…Now to locate this weeks…

    A woman displayed her dismay
    when her muse refused to play
    for breaking her writers block
    she turned not to warm chicken stock
    but to a fine chilled chardonnay


  53. Daniel Ari says:

    Just finished reading the classic western, so it was on my mind:

    A Texan expressed his dismay
    At the characters Call and McRae.
    “Lonesome Dove’s a good tale,
    But McMurtry cain’t spa-ell
    ‘Come a ti-yi yippie, yippie yay.’”

  54. Daniel Ari says:

    “Summer of ‘69”

    A fellow displayed his dismay:
    “I came all this way to the Bay,
    but I can’t understand
    the lay of the land
    that they said was the land of the lay.”

  55. Johanna Richmond says:

    Mitt’s practicing showing dismay
    With zingers, the news people say.
    If he’s good as his bud,
    Clint Eastwood, the mud
    He’s slinging will make Barack’s day.

  56. Veralynne says:

    A Walk on the Wild Side–a paraphrasing

    Sugar Plum Fairy sure showed her dismay
    Had to be James Dean for a day
    A hustle here and a hustle there
    New York City is the place where
    They say “Hey, Babe–just hey…”

  57. kaykuala says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    But just what can anybody say
    Didn’t like it one bit
    But she asked for it
    Now she has to live with it all day


  58. hedgewitch says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    at things said by the RWNJ’s
    Their blurred double visions
    of The Founder’s decisions
    would make Washington eat his toupee.

  59. Patti says:

    I can’t help but groan in dismay
    At my friends who gave in to the sway.
    I thought you were smart;
    Now please act the part.
    Don’t rue the day that you gave it away!

  60. Craig says:

    Been busy lately, but gotta get at least one in:

    A woman expressed her dismay
    That she couldn’t get boyfriends to stay
    She’d show all her cats,
    Then her snakes, then her rats
    (They’d leave skidmarks as they drove away.)

  61. Craig says:

    For Johanna:

    As a guy, I express my dismay
    At the lim’rick I read here today
    Though you think it’s clever
    That schnitzel you sever
    Is an image that won’t go away!

  62. Craig says:

    So I’m kinda tinkin’ dis may
    Be breakin’ da rules some, but hey
    It’s my frickin’ lim
    So just suck on it, Jim
    ‘Cause New Yawkas, dey go dere own way.

  63. A fellow displayed his dismay
    At his lover’s reluctance to play
    A game of dress up.
    He had to fess up
    French maids had a certain cachet.

  64. Veralynne says:

    The puppy was filled with dismay
    ‘Cuz the old dog had ruined his day
    Hogging food, toys and pool,
    Gen’rally acting the fool.
    Jealous of youth he was–what can I say?

  65. Veralynne says:

    Some cat “lovers” show no dismay
    When “unsnipped” pets continue to spray
    It’s no favor they’re doing
    The cats want to keep screwing!
    Millions of kittens are killed every day.

  66. Veralynne says:

    From our leaders we see no dismay
    For what-all they’ve taken away
    From the people who suffer.
    There’s no comfort buffer
    And none even promise “some day!”

  67. Mark Kane says:

    I watched the debate with dismay,
    As Obama let Mitt get his way,
    Stating lies as pure facts,
    Where were the “Come Backs?”
    It just wasn’t the President’s day.

  68. Kathy El-Assal says:

    Her face showed delighted dismay
    For Fitzwater’s French toast crème brûlée.
    Her taste buds excited,
    Her love she requited
    With bites that were meant as foreplay.

  69. Johanna Richmond says:

    For Craig:

    I’m so sorry I caused you dismay.
    It was meant in a figur’tive way:
    If it festers, why dance?
    Just go straight for the lance —
    There’s no need for a verbal ballet.

    But you’re right; I have gotten too loose;
    Cutting words can still feel like abuse.
    Please forget what I said;
    Insert this jab instead:
    “A swift kick to the cocky caboose.”

  70. Mark Kane says:

    He watched as she stared with dismay
    At his manhood quite drained from their play.
    After taking his pleasure,
    She decided to measure,
    And found little point for his stay.

  71. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman displayed her dismay
    That her husband, that rascal René,
    Had seduced the au pair
    With some vin ordinaire,
    Raw oysters and chocolate soufflé.

  72. Dr. Goose says:

    A husband displayed his dismay
    That his wife disappeared every day,
    While, going and coming,
    Incessantly humming
    A chanson d’amour by Trenet.

  73. Dr. Goose says:

    The Democrats showed their dismay
    At the President’s dull repartée.
    “If he wants the election,
    He’ll need some direction
    From Clinton, if not JFK.”

  74. Dr. Goose says:

    Republicans showed their dismay
    That the job market might be okay:
    “It’s dangerous when
    Those angry white men
    Are slowly becoming blasé.”

  75. Dr. Goose says:

    The Germans displayed their dismay
    That the Greeks might be getting away
    With too much enjoyment,
    Despite unemployment
    And broad economic decay.

  76. Dr. Goose says:

    The Chinese displayed their dismay
    At the path of the US of A.
    Though the fiscal cliff’s looming,
    There’s no use assuming
    That Congress will prudently play.

  77. Mr. Lim says:

    A women displayed her dismay
    When her hair started turning to gray
    By declaring that she
    Was still thirty three
    But in fact that was only half way.

  78. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A working girl voiced her dismay
    At the game that her John wished to play:
    “For a price, I can wear
    That sailor suit there,
    But I’m not singing “Anchors Aweigh”!

  79. Veralynne says:

    A princess expressed her dismay
    For discomfort she felt as she lay
    Through tons of bedding, you see,
    She still felt the pea
    And for this, surely someone should pay!

    But, alas! Prince always wins the day…
    To him, her suff’ring was okay!
    Since the pea hurt her so,
    For HIM marriage was a go
    For her? She had nothing to say.

  80. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 82.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Feud.