Obsessive Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was very obsessed…*


A woman was very obsessed…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Obsessive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was very obsessed
With getting enough nightly rest.
His reason makes sense:
Lack of sleep made him tense
Which, alas, left him sexually hard-pressed.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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60 Responses to “Obsessive Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    A chosen one he was blessed
    Frequent to outbursts
    He was the greatest
    Forgetting Ali was rightly the best


  2. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman was very obsessed,
    With the way that her man always dressed:
    Bermudas, black socks,
    And blue suede Birkenstocks!
    (She went into cardiac arrest.)

  3. brian miller says:

    a woman was very obsessed
    with the way her fellow dressed
    shorts, with no socks
    and fresh pressed slacks
    she tried to leave others impressed

  4. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was very obsessed 
    With the thought he had somehow confessed 
    To the crimes in his mind;
    Sigmund might be inclined
    To think: Oedipal complex repressed.

  5. A fellow was very obsessed,
    With how his poor wife was possessed,
    He hired a priest,
    To get rid of the beast,
    But found him right under her dress.

  6. A woman was very obsessed
    By the abnormal size of her chest
    She said, “My bazooms
    “Are the size of most rooms!
    “Is that why the guys like me best?”

  7. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    Over how many women dressed
    Usually told off,
    After a mumble and cough,
    He liked them naed he confessed.

  8. Hansi says:

    A man was very obsessed
    And as a result , found no rest
    His fascination with boobs
    Never went down the tubes
    For a wonderful pair, he followed with zest

  9. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was mad and obsessed
    With having his grievance redressed.
    It seems match dot com swore
    He’d score women galore;
    Now they can’t even keep him abreast. 

  10. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    With storing porn pics in a chest
    But “Ouch” squeaked the freak
    When sneaking a peek
    The lid slammed and his “deek” was hard pressed.

  11. Jim Delaney says:

    A woman was very obsessed
    With her health, as she later confessed.
    Scared of losing her wits,
    She kept checking her tits
    To make sure she was keeping abreast.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    By hair he refused to get messed.
    His gal would suggest
    Stop being a pest
    “Take it off and I’ll see you get blessed.”
    A woman was very obsessed
    Her coiffure would get totally messed.
    To protect her high crown
    She refused to lie down
    And left her date mentally distressed.
    A pair was very obsessed
    By hair they refused to get messed.
    So no harm would befall
    They leaned on a wall.
    To relieve feelings that once were supressed.

  13. Craig says:

    Said the wife, when her husband obsessed
    That her negligee should have been pressed:
    “Are you try’na be cruel
    You near-sighted old fool?
    I have already gotten undressed!”

  14. Al says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    With a gal he pursued with great zest
    When he went for the score
    Turns out she’s a whore
    Which put a quick end to the quest.

  15. Johanna Richmond says:

    A magician was vain and obsessed,
    Quite convinced that his fans were impressed,
    Till he found out the dicks
    Who turned out for his tricks
    Didn’t come when his sidekick was dressed.

  16. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    With the menu — to waiters he stressed,
    “If you think what I say
    Causes any dismay,
    It is just what I meant to, in jest.”

  17. Mark Kane says:

    A woman with sex was obsessed,
    Working hard at not being repressed.
    With all men she dated
    She’d leave them quite sated,
    Feeling drained, quite happy and blessed.

  18. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    As he peered at the size of her breast.
    He might have gone slower
    Had he looked a bit lower;
    The large belly explains it all best.

  19. scott says:

    A fellow was very obsessed,
    and he just couldn’t get any rest,
    ‘til the meter was right,
    the rhyming was tight,
    and the syllables properly stressed.

  20. Bob Dvorak says:

    The woman was very obsessed:
    “Two weeks late: I for sure need a test.”
    So for shoes she went shoppin’,
    Like all hellzapoppin.
    “Too close. Half a month underdressed.”

  21. Patrick McKeon says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    With the compass he kept in his vest
    When he kissed his wife’s mouth
    It directed him South
    Past the breasts to the East and the West

  22. Veralynne says:

    A fellow was very obsessed,
    Making sure that all were impressed
    With all he had done
    By his wits and his gun
    By other means he was quite repressed.

  23. Veralynne says:

    A woman was very obssessed
    With lim’ricks and passing the test.
    Her talent? Legendary!
    Her challenges? Quite hairy!
    But that’s how she brought out the best.

    Gratuitous? Pandering? Copycat? Yes, yes and yes! LOL!

  24. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    with who got more of the armrest
    In a theater or plane
    it drove him insane
    if his neighbor had more than the crest

  25. Kathleen Cole says:

    A woman was very obsessed,
    because of one larger breast!
    Do I reduce the big
    to the size of a fig?
    Or scale up to Mt. Everest?

  26. A lady was too much obsessed
    With details of how she was dressed
    So with dignified grace
    Only peek-a-boo lace
    Ever touched her elegant breast

  27. zee alexi says:

    I’m a chick but Craig’s limerick~~wife’s wrinkles need ironing~~is a bloody riot. He’s the top(s) as Cole Porter would say. See, women can laff at sexist “jokes.”

  28. colonialist says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    With building his biceps and chest,
    But when he stripped down
    She said, with a frown,
    ‘You just look top-heavy, undressed!’

    A cockatoo very obsessed
    With making a hen one impressed:
    She liked his display.
    But then found with dismay
    That all that could rise was his crest!

  29. John Larkin says:

    A woman was very obsessed
    with the size of her very small breasts.
    With inhibition freed,
    told her beau, “What I need
    is more rubbing, so please be my guest.”

  30. Granny Smith says:

    A woman was very obsessed
    With how her chihuahua was dressed.
    “For my dear’s getting old
    And too easily cold.
    And her wrinkles should really be pressed!”

  31. Johanna Richmond says:

    There’s this guy who’s insanely obsessed
    With his pendulous pal – what a pest!
    He feels driven to share
    What he measures “down there”;
    Oh relax, Bud — your pud passed the test!

  32. Veralynne says:

    A woman was clearly obssessed
    With her head being extra well tressed.
    She spent hours on her hair.
    Ev’n more than SHE could bear.
    It left her going out, often, undressed!

  33. A woman was very obsessed
    With the way her husband was dressed
    After losing much weight
    His sartorial state
    Looked like garage sale at best

  34. A woman was very obssessed
    By the thought that her husband cross-dressed
    “But my dear” he disclosed,
    “No-one else really knows
    Be a love and just hand me my vest”

  35. Rallentanda says:

    a man was very obsessed
    with a woman who swam in her dress
    an apparition so strange
    he wanted to get engaged
    she said
    “No,sorry I’m a fish I confess”

  36. Claudia says:

    A woman was very obsessed
    with the dots she found on her dress
    they are grey, blue and pink
    and that makes her think
    if she ever passes the monochrome test

  37. Bruce Niedt says:

    A father was very obsessed
    with the way that his teenage girl dressed:
    “You inveterate flirt,
    that’s a belt, not a skirt,
    and your blouse reveals most of your chest!”

    A poet was very obsessed
    with a limerick writing contest.
    but a rhythmic blunder
    tore his prize dreams asunder –
    he forgot all about anapest!

  38. A fellow was very obsessed,
    With women, and how they got dressed.
    They handed him in, though,
    When caught at their window;
    Charges, I’m told, will be pressed.

  39. A Lim’ricker, very obsessed
    His rhymes should be up with the best,
    Rewrites, hones and trims
    So much that his Lims
    Are three weeks behind all the rest. :(

  40. Vowed a cuckoo, very obsessed
    To lay in an upmarket nest,
    “Next year I’ll be pickin’
    “That nice Mrs Chicken
    “Just LOOK at that family crest!”

  41. Diane Groothuis says:

    Metric improvement, but I don’t know how to delete previous version.

    Fellow in secret obsessed
    That God gave him only one teste
    Said he to friend Saul
    ” I have only one ball
    And my wife wants 6 kids and the rest.

    (Note from Mad Kane: I deleted your earlier version for you.)

  42. Diane Groothuis says:

    Voyeur who was very obsessed
    With viewing his neighbours firm breast
    “I enjoy you my dear
    When I’m having a beer
    So come up and show me the rest”

  43. zongrik says:

    i wonder who was doing the pressing

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    Clergyman very obsessed
    With putting God’s Word to the test
    “If I jump from this roof
    It will surely be proof”
    But today they will lay nim to rest.

  45. Granny Smith says:

    A UPS man was obsessed
    With the manner that suited him best
    If a client he’d meet
    Not on HER usual street;
    Would he know how she should be addressed?

  46. RMP says:

    a fellow was very obsessed
    with the way that his wife always dressed
    at last she gave in
    wore not but a grin
    then walked out the door in protest

    (I decided to give the limerick another go; you make it look so easy. so, here’s my second attempt at fitting the meter — I fear always threw me off a bit. had wanted to end with ‘to his protest’, but that definitely messed the meter.)

  47. Fred says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    to always do his very best
    When along came a girl
    who sent him for a twirl
    leaving his world a happy mess

  48. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was very obsessed
    With the size of the feminine breast. 
    When he’d speak with a lady
    His glance was so shady
    “Up here!” was the oft-heard request.

  49. Dr. Goose says:

    A gymnast was clearly obsessed
    With winning Olympia’s best.
    When she ended up second
    With silver, she reckoned,
    McKayla was quite unimpressed. 

  50. Dr. Goose says:

    An agent was very obsessed
    With a man who was sought for arrest,
    A hard-bitten outlaw
    Who’d brazenly flout law,
    And robbed every bank in the west.

  51. Johanna Richmond says:

    Mitt Romney’s not desperate, obsessed,
    An extreme right-wing ass-kissing pest…
    No! He’s just making mirth
    Clucking, “MY U.S. birth
    Is a matter no one would contest”!

  52. Carolyn Hemly says:

    A woman was very obsessed
    With having her coiffure up-dressed
    She had ribbons and birds
    Which prompted these words:
    “Madam, you’re way over-tressed.”

  53. Rich D says:

    A songbird was very obsessed
    with shooting the breeze in a vest
    Discouraging words
    he heard from some birds
    who weren’t so nattily dressed

  54. Rich D says:

    A meter maid was quite obsessed
    with parkers whose time was at best
    a minute or two
    beyond what they’re due
    She ticketed them with lusty zest!

  55. Rich D says:

    A Beatle fan was quite obsessed
    with what song he thought was the best
    Was it psychedelic
    or some early relic
    or a rooftop song played with a guest.

  56. Rich D says:

    America once was obsessed
    with space flight and being the best
    Neil walked there first
    Our pride it did burst
    We’ll miss him as he takes his rest.

  57. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, The Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winners, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 76.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Mate.

  58. Craig says:

    Just now saw the comment from Zee Alexi. Thanks, Zee!