Ms. Legal Person Answers Your Holiday Questions

Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season.  “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader.  “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.  

Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:

Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.

A: Why?

Q: It’s sexual harassment.

A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?

Q: No.

A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.

Q. Certainly not.

A: That’s what I thought.


Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse? 

A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.  

Q: That’s great news!

A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.

Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?

A: How old are you?

Q: 37.

A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.


Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here

(You can find more holiday humor here.)

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One Response to “Ms. Legal Person Answers Your Holiday Questions”

  1. Dear Ms. Legal Person,

    I hired a senior Santa for our holiday party and all he did was ask the 16-year-old girls to sit on his lap. The elves had to pick up the slack.

    Should I sue the nursing home?