Archive for October, 2007

The Joys Of Winter

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

There’s nothing quite like a tough mental challenge.  And I sure had a good time with this one, prompting me to write something (in my case, a limerick) using these three words: phone, stumbled and windy.

The Joys Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It was windy and snowy.  I stumbled.
Then I fell and my keys and phone tumbled
And slid down the ice.
I yelled words not so nice.
“How rude!” an old passerby grumbled.

And speaking of winter, it’s almost time to start worrying about your office Christmas party.

What Will I Be When I Grow Up?

Monday, October 29th, 2007

What Will I Be When I Grow Up?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry decade I change my career.
The first used my musical ear.
I tried lawyering second,
Till humor scribe beckoned.
What’s next? I just can’t wait to hear.


(You can find more of my employment humor here, my music humor here, and my legal humor here.)

Me Gamble? No Dice!

Monday, October 29th, 2007

Something tells me that writing this post amounts to begging for more spam. If so, I’ll just have to post some extra spam haiku.

But getting back to today’s joker of a topic, last year, when my husband Mark and I vacationed in Las Vegas, Mark gambled away twenty bucks — tops, and I didn’t gamble at all.  Okay, I did get on a plane, but other than that…  

And that brings me to today’s limerick:

Me Gamble? No Dice!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You should never play cards on a lark
With a Vegas-style card-wielding shark.
Whether blackjack or poker,
Don’t deal with a joker
And gamble at being a mark.

UPDATE: Happy National Dice Day, December 4th!

Possibly Good, Albeit Annoying Advice

Friday, October 26th, 2007

This week’s 3 Word Wednesday words are Care, Unexpected, and Weekend. Somehow they eventually managed to fit inside a limerick:

Possibly Good, Albeit Annoying Advice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry weekend take time to forget
All your worries and cares and your debt.
Please don’t aim for perfected.
Embrace unexpected.
Try yoga. Play Set. Buy a pet.

Fishing For Company

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that “zebrafish – a common aquarium pet – can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.

That calls for a limerick, don’t you think?

Fishing for Company
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I can’t sleep.  I don’t know what to do.
Troubling thoughts seem to come, right on cue.
But my iPod distracts me
With news that attracts me:
“Sometimes fish get insomnia too.”

(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and my health humor here.

Is Google At War?

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

Many prestigious and popular sites just took a huge Google PageRank hit. For instance,  The Washington Post, Forbes, The Chicago Sun-Times, and have all dropped from a 7 to a 5.

Search engine experts and webmasters are speculating that Google is punishing these and numerous other sites because of their advertising practices.  And that brings me to my latest haiku:

Is Google at war,
Smiting ad revenue streams
That bypass Google?

(You can find more of my technology, computer, and search engine humor here and my news haiku here.)

Toying With Kites

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

Toying With Kites (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The sight of a kite in the sky
Is delightful and lovely, so why
Is it quite impolite
To say, “Go fly a kite!”
This idiom just doesn’t fly.

Don’t forget to celebrate Go Fly A Kite Day every June 15th. (It’s believed to be the anniversary of Ben Franklin’s 1752 kite experiment.)

(You can find more of my outdoor sports humor here.)

Time Travel

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.

Here’s my limerick:

Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please stop all the clocks.  Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each ’puter you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.

And here’s my four-liner:

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be  like them, I vowed, aloud.

UPDATE: My limerick seems appropriate for Simplicity Day, celebrated July 12th in honor of Henry David Thoreau’s birthday.

A Horse Of A Different Color

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

These two horse-related poems were loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt:

First, a limerick:

A Horse of A Different Color
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness.
But there’s only one horse
Race I’ll bet on—the course
To the White House—a sign of my geekness?

And now, a haiku about New York City:

Trumpeting cars horns.
Clip-clopping carriage horses.
Central Park Sunday.

(You can find more of my horse humor here.)

Great Moments In History: Happy Birthday Xerox Copier!

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

Did you know that the Xerox office copying revolution was born on October 22, 1938? This led to two large drops:  Mimeographic machine sales  … and men’s pants.

Fun With Three Word Wednesday

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

I’ve decided to join in on the fun over at this week’s 3 Word Wednesday. Here’s how it works:

Welcome to Three Word Wednesday. Each week, I will post three (or more) words. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write something using all of those words. It can be a few lines, a story, a poem, anything.

This week’s three words are Field, Hide, and Second.  They inspired me to write both a limerick and a haiku.  Here’s my limerick:

Bridling At A Question
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

At his question, I’m fit to be tied
Cuz it comes from left field.  I must hide!
He can see I might flee.
“Just a second,” says he.
“I am begging you. Please be my bride!”

And here’s my haiku:

Though I want to hide,
If only for a second,
I field her question.

Last week’s words were Initial, Knock, and Weather, for which I wrote this serious haiku:

How do they weather
that initial door knock with
news: “Your loved one’s dead.”

Do Bosses Really Need Their Own National Holiday?

Monday, October 15th, 2007

Did you know that tomorrow, October 16th, is National Boss Day? So, are you excited yet?

I thought I’d “celebrate” National Boss Day with a pair of limericks:

Workplace Diplomacy Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please mind your own business, I said,
To a woman whose presence I dread.
She is pushy and rude,
Rather nosy and crude.
Even worse—she’s the gal my boss wed. 

A Brief Beef
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My boss yelled, “I’ve got a big beef:
Your briefings are seldom … well … brief.
I want the essentials.
You give me tangentials.”
“So long,” I replied, with relief.

(You can find my National Bosses Day limerick here and more of my employment humor here.)

Musical Duo

Monday, October 15th, 2007

This pair of short, music-related verse was loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt.

Musical Question
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I watch a flautist play the flute.
She’s really great—there’s no dispute.
Distraction strikes: I know it’s moot,
But why don’t lautists play the lute?

Second Chair Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I play second chair symphony flute,”
Said the flautist. (“My wife plays the lute.”)
“How I wish I had clout!
Then I’d fire the lout
Who plays first chair. He’s here cause he’s cute.”

(You can find more of my song parodies here.)

The Definitive Bad Date

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

The Definitive Bad Date (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A salty young gal is enraged
When she learns that her date is engaged,
So she curses the fellow—
Spews hate with a bellow,
Then shoots. Guess her anger ain’t staged.

NOTE: This limerick was loosely inspired by the inaugural edition of Totally Optional Prompts, which is an outgrowth of the late, lamented Poetry Thursday.

(You can find more of my dating humor here.)

Is It July 4th, Columbus Day, Or Halloween? I’m Confused!

Monday, October 8th, 2007

Here’s an oddball byproduct of global warming: New York State Park officials reopened Long Island beaches for swimming this Columbus Day weekend because of unseasonably warm temperatures.

For the first time in more than three decades, beaches on Long Island will be open for swimming in October.

It’s because of this unseasonably warm weather. The average high in October is 64 degrees. Friday’s high was 86!

So you could swim as if it were July, celebrate Columbus Day, and shop for Halloween decorations all on the same afternoon.

And speaking of Halloween, it seems that adults have stolen it from their kids.

One sign of just how much Halloween has changed and can change is the relatively rapid development of it from a children’s holiday into a largely adult holiday. Adults are spending more and more on Halloween costumes, favors, and parties. Children’s celebrations have been curtailed and eclipsed. …

And that cries out for a limerick:

Hijacking Halloween
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The holiday called Halloween
Has been hijacked by grownups. How mean!
In their masks, adults stroll,
Looking scary or droll—
Some in garb that would best suit a teen.

(You can find more of my holiday humor here.)

Chick Flick Flack

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

Chick Flick Flack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
To appeal to most women. How bent!
I’m a gal through and through,
But those flicks make me boo,
While my husband applauds. What a gent!

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and my feminist humor here.)