Mother’s Day Limerick Contest … With Money Prizes (Updated: Prize Money Increase)

My spring limerick contest was such a success, I’ve decided to hold limerick contests regularly.  And it’s time for another one. 

So here’s my challenge: Write a limerick related to the subject of mothers and post it here in a comment to this post no later than Saturday, May 12, 2007.  I’ll announce the winners on Mother’s Day, May 13, 2007.

The first prize will be $25.  The second prize will be $10.  Both prizes will be paid via PayPal.

So, what exactly is a limerick?  It’s a five line poem with an AABBA rhyme scheme and a very specific meter exemplified by these winning entries. (For more information about limericks check out these fine sites: Encyclospeedia Oedilfica and OEDILF.)

I’m looking forward to reading your entries!

UPDATE: The prize money has just doubled, thanks to a matching funds contest sponsorship by Billy Jones a/k/a Billy The Blogging Poet. Thanks to Billy’s generosity,  there now will be $50 in first prize money and $20 in second prize money. Very cool, Billy!

UPDATE 2: This contest is now over, and the winners list and winning entries are posted here. Thanks for your wonderful entries, and stay tuned — another limerick contest is coming soon.

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83 Responses to “Mother’s Day Limerick Contest … With Money Prizes (Updated: Prize Money Increase)”

  1. Peter Sheil says:

    “It’s the hospital here, please come fast!”
    There we sat, with our thoughts from the past.
    At the side of her bed
    Nothing more could be said.
    One short breath … then one more … then her last.

    At 7 AM on Saturday 29th July 2006 I got a phone call from the hospital. At 11:30 my Mum died peacefully; my sister and I were sitting with her.

  2. Jess says:

    I love you Mom, I really truly do.
    As I serve you some hot steaming stew.
    You’re the very best,
    I hope you like the dress,
    Now would you like to see my tattoo?

  3. sl8ofhand says:

    When the mother’s a working strip-teaser,
    A bikini cut’s certain to please her.
    Soon she’ll dance down the bar
    Showing nary a scar—
    In places the clientele caesar.

  4. sl8ofhand says:

    My dear mother spends most of the year
    On the phone. “It’s attached to her ear!”
    My Dad says, finding fault.
    Mom replys, “I could halt;
    Betty wouldn’t stop listening, Dear.”

    If I am only allowed one limerick, this is my preferred effort, Madeleine. Thanks for the invite.

  5. Ziggy Donovan says:

    My good friend, Frank Gould, a nonagenarian and published author says if it isn’t BAWDY, it’s not a limerick! So, here’s a couple I wrote with Frank’s advice in mind:

    The terrorist hadn’t a qualm
    About mailing someone a bomb.
    His handwriting sucked
    Now his family’s fucked
    ‘Cause he just sent one off to his mom!


    A hillbilly went to her mother
    For permission to sleep with her brother
    Through a white lightnin’ fog
    Maw winked at the dog
    Sayin’, “If this’uns no good, try t’other.”

    Thanks for listenin’.


  6. There once was a man from Nantucket
    who bought for his mother a bucket.
    He filled it with flowers
    to share happy hours
    but then the jerk came back and tuck it.

  7. Mothers Day Limerick Contest(x-posted at my home Blog)

    Ode To Martha

    There was a blue Mom in Connecticut
    Who preached about homemaking etiquette
    She spent time in jail
    For a fraudulent sale
    Or was it her “liberal” epithet?

    I think that what Martha Stewart did was wrong BUT, given the fact that many Republic party scoundrels have received a much different treatment by the Republic controlled DoJ, this may have been as much a political witch hunt as it was justice served.

    The message was touted as “Don’t do insider trading”… But there was a secondary message of “ESPECIALLY if you are a liberal!”

    Given what we know about the politicization of the DoJ under Alberto “GONEzo” Gozales, and previously under Ashcroft as well, this may be more apparent now.

    (BTW: Thank you to skippy for pointing to this contest!)

  8. I sent this to my Mom on her birthday back in Feb.:

    Here’s hoping your day’s going great
    And a big birthday cake you have ate
    For eighty-six years
    You’ve surpass-ed your peers
    And my love for you ne’er will abate

  9. slim says:

    My mother-in-law is The Best
    She puts all nasty MIL myths to rest
    We both love to cook
    And have shared many a good book –
    This Mother’s Day I’m doubly blessed.

  10. slim says:

    When your mother has had facelifts four
    And hair plugs, eye tucks and more
    Though you don’t want to criticize
    She can be hard to recognize –
    Is that Mom or Michael Jackson at the door?

  11. Ziggy Donovan says:

    Okay, it was late last night and I’ve cleaned them up a bit. Here’s me, awake:

    Miss O’Donnell, while playing the bard,
    Wrote, “How dare you call ME full of lard?”
    The talk shows all jumped
    When they heard Mr. Trump
    Got, from Rosie, a Mutha’s Day card!

    Mr. Bush, as he swung in a palm,
    Got a Mother’s Day card from Salaam
    Who sat up in terror
    When he realized his error –
    Musta mailed his mother the bomb!

  12. Michael Turniansky says:

    Letter M is for Money she’d spend,
    While the O is for Objects she’d mend.
    Now, the T is for Treat
    And the H is “How Sweet!”
    And the E is for … Drat! That’s the End.

  13. Doug Harris says:

    On Mother’s Day, I have a hunch
    That the single stemmed rose, or the bunch
    Will have not reached the vase
    Before some young voice has
    Piped up, “Mum, wotcha making for lunch?”

  14. Doug Harris says:

    My Mother – she gives me a stitch
    With laughing! She doesn’t know which
    Part is super-ironic
    (It’s quite the best tonic!)
    When she’s calling me – “son of a bitch”.

  15. Doug Harris says:

    Mother’s Day – a card company ploy,
    Or a once-a-year day of real joy?
    Three-six-five they’d make hay
    If your son had his way.
    (Lots of love from this real Mummy’s boy).

  16. Doug Harris says:

    Hear now! I would like to record
    That my Mum must deserve a reward
    For sweet harmony at home
    And for half my genome!
    She sure strikes an umbilical chord.

  17. Jesse Frankovich says:

    My mommy is loving and caring,
    Only sometimes a bit overbearing:
    Make your bed! Clean your room!
    Mow the lawn! Don’t presume
    You can play all day long! And stop swearing!”

  18. mephistopheles says:

    When you’re shrunk by one shrink or another,
    ‘Cause you’re pissed at your sister or brother,
    Does your tongue tend to trip
    In a Freudian slip—
    Saying one thing while meaning your mother?

  19. dottie says:

    Long ago, I adored my dear Mother
    Who cared for us, me and my brother.
    The part fell to me:
    I am Mum to you three–
    Now it’s your turn, my girl, you’re another.

  20. Allison says:

    The aromas of flowers in the air
    Evince memories of motherly care.
    Important lessons she taught;
    Constantly stressed, “Don’t get caught!
    You must always have clean underwear.”

  21. Andrew Ian Dodge says:

    Mater is a force to be admired
    Especially when things are dire
    A fixer through and through
    To her family she stays true
    Always there when yer in the mire

    (Say it aloud and it works. Sorry I am a lyricist…)

  22. stella says:

    A mother is patient and kind,
    Forgiving, forbearing, refined;
    But mind if she cracks,
    When stressed to the max,
    ‘Cos she’ll wallop your sorry behind.

  23. BobfromThirsk says:

    As a baby I loved my dear mother
    ‘Till she gave me my sweet little brother.
    But hang on there mum
    What’s that lump in your tum,
    O.M.G. is she baking another?

  24. stella says:

    There once was a lady in Brum
    Who had moles on her big hairy bum.
    I haven’t a clue
    How everyone knew,
    I’m just glad that she wasn’t my Mum.

    Brum: Birmingham
    Hairy bum: Cockney rhyming slang for Mum

  25. stella says:

    A woman, as lover and wife,
    Is known as his ‘Trouble and Strife’,
    But his mother’s eternally
    (Unfairly, infernally!)
    Perfect–she’s cherished for life.

    Trouble and Strife: Cockney rhyming slang for wife

  26. Val Burns says:


    Just got this info from BobfromThirsk, our Oedilf-ing buddy.

    I think Jessie Frankovitch’s MOMMY one is the best so far.
    I’ll work on one too.

    Watch this space.


  27. Sheila Blume says:

    Hi Mad,

    Here we go:

    Serious one:

    Though my mom has been dead for nine years,
    As I waken each day she appears,
    And remains by my side
    As protector and guide,
    So she shares all my laughter and tears.

    [In loving memory of Rose Lazar (1906-1998)]

    Silly ones:

    Ask the fellows who work at the zoo.
    In the spring, all the kangaroos screw.
    Then about a month later,
    They’re mater and pater.
    The roos enjoy Mothers Day too!

    My mom fell in love with Brad Pitt,
    And she thought about sex—wouldn’t quit;
    So my dad bought viag-
    ra, and went on a jag,
    Ruffled all of her feathers a bit.

    When it’s Mothers Day down on the farm,
    All the cows and the sows show alarm,
    As the bulls and the hogs
    Will record in their blogs
    All their plans to wharm-barm-thank-you-marm.

    Mothers’ Trilogy

    There once was a fellow named Bruce,
    Whose motives were often abstruse.
    He would plead and would beg
    Just to sit on your egg—
    Like a regular old Mother Goose.

    And then there were Ken, Len, and Ben,
    Who were different from most other men.
    They would wheedle and beg
    Just to sit on your egg
    Like a regular old mother hen.

    Then lastly, a fellow named Chuck,
    Not a regular old mother duck.
    He assured Mallard Myrtle
    Her eggs would be fertile.
    Amok, he proceeded to … (stuck?)

    Sheila Blume

  28. Doug says:

    You can run to your mom when you’re ill
    Or when broke and behind on a bill
    But don’t ever try it
    When you’re after quiet
    A mother’s love never keeps still.

  29. KODB says:

    There was a young mom name of Sheila,
    Who wasn’t a copa or deala.
    The kids put to bed,
    She emptied her head,
    And filled it back up with tequila.

    I’ve never been one to complain;
    But in fact it’s a royal pain,
    To hear from your mother,
    “Just be like your brother,
    And not just some damn hooligain!”

    My dear sainted mother, that witch,
    Lived not by the sword but the switch.
    If I had a dollop
    Of gold for each wallop
    By now I’d be awkwardly rich.

  30. Theresa says:

    The world’s first mother was Eve,
    Who had but one pet peeve.
    Adam gave her nary a look,
    His nose always in a book,
    So out of spite, the apple she did thieve.

    (This is my first limerick ever, so I don’t know if it really follows all the rules. I just did a post on Eve, and thought it would be fun to do a limerick about her.)

  31. CrummyJoel says:

    There was young man, last name Rex
    First name Oedipus, remembered for sex.
    His relations with mother
    Were unlike any other
    Some might even call them “Complex”.

  32. CrummyJoel says:

    Wire hangars she said to disdain
    But I went and used them again
    Now my life’s on TV
    And it’s easy to see
    Mommy Dearest is effing insane.

  33. Diesel says:

    I see that a fair number of my readers made it over here. Nice work, everybody! Ok, I guess I’ll take a shot:

    Me mum didn’t raise any dummy
    but after 5,000 years in her tummy
    it felt less like a womb
    and more like a tomb
    but she’s still the world’s greatest mummy!

  34. Carol June Hooker says:

    For your Mother’s Day gift, we are going
    To the lake, with a rowboat for rowing.
    Picnic lunches are packed,
    Water bottles are sacked,
    So let’s head out the door…NO! It’s snowing!

    Hello, Florist! Please send this bouquet
    To my Mom, second Sunday in May:
    Mix muguets, purple lilacs,
    And shiny green Smilax
    For Mothers’ Day…yes, I will pay!!

  35. madkane says:

    Thanks so much for everyone’s delightful entries And please keep them coming! I’ll be accepting mother related limericks through Saturday, May 12, 2007.

    Oh … and in response to a reader question — yes, you can write about your mother-in-law too.

  36. Mark Kane says:

    My mother is great, all agree.
    But a bit too attentive is she.
    If her family was bigger,
    They could share all her vigor.
    It’s a shame she gave birth to but three.

    Madeleine, I think you’ll agree that this Limerick is a very accurate description of your Mother-In-Law. Since I’m Mark, the “Husband” I must assume that I am out of the running for one of those most lucrative prizes you are offerring, but if you approve of this feable attempt at a Limerick I’ll most gladly accept any “Services Rendered” in lieu of monetary compensation.

  37. Calvin Warr says:

    Sounds like fun! Here is mine: (BTW, can we submit multiples??)

    Oh! My Mother she’s a dear
    Each time I cried she sheds a tear!
    Still she nags all through my life
    Now she can even nag my wife!
    But with Mom, I have no fear!

  38. madkane says:

    Calvin, yes, you can submit as many limericks as you like.

    And hubby Mark, if you don’t behave yourself, I may have to show your mother your limerick. :)

  39. Sheila Blume says:

    Mom gets lovelier as she grows older.
    When we tell her, she laughs; we get bolder.
    Then she turns it around,
    Saying beauty is found
    In the eye of the loving beholder.

  40. Calvin Warr says:

    My mother-in-law is such a boar
    Her cooking I tell you is filled with gore
    But truth be told, I’m rather bold
    Her daughter has a heart of gold
    So we’ll have to bear with her more!

  41. Sheila Wipperman says:

    From Mom’s viewpoint, this outfit’s a hit
    In Dad’s eye, the style’s obviously unfit
    Designed for the underfed
    Not for middle-age spread
    But, for happiness’ sake, let’s buy it!

  42. I’m wishing that you were still here
    even though you’d be holding a beer
    all the crap we went through
    just to keep peace with you
    would be nothing if you were still near.

  43. J. McNamara says:

    Here’s a limerick of childhood memories with Mom.

    Small young women and child holding hands,
    Looking for lightning bugs nighttime bands.
    Flashing yellow light.
    Acrobatic flight.
    Many delightful musical strands!

  44. RJ Clarken says:

    Yo Mom – here’s my props for your share
    in developing the phrase, “It’s not fair!”
    Even your magnet on the ‘fridge
    says, “Would YOU jump off a bridge,
    just ’cause everyone else does it, you swear.”

  45. Joan Leotta says:

    My mother once gave me a pair
    Of combs to hold back my hair.
    They held it in place
    Out of my face during the race
    So I took first place at the fair!

  46. Rumjhum Biswas says:

    Time when toilets aren’t flushed and noses are casually dug
    Dog hairs on the couch and jelly beans decorate the rug
    Dad even has his smelly belly button hanging out
    Just things that happen everytime mother ain’t about
    That’s precisely when we are desperately seeking someone else to bug!

  47. RJ Clarken says:

    For Mother’s Day, I sent Mom an iris
    which was blighted by some fungus or a virus.
    I didn’t know its disposition
    when I bought her that rendition,
    but next year I’ll send something more desirous.

  48. RJ Clarken says:

    …and a nice one…

    This limerick is my dedication
    to my mom, who’s been my inspiration
    for expressing creativity
    as joyful proclivity –
    to Mom – with my deepest appreciation.

  49. chompy says:

    OK then, here goes –

    Some girls in their quite early teens
    find changes affecting their genes,
    so, guided by ma,
    they buy their first bra
    to prevent ’em from spilling the beans.

  50. chompy says:

    Can I do another?

    The mother who lived in a shoe
    said, “Bloody hell, what’ll I do?
    Cor blimey, oh crikey,
    a size ninety Nike –
    oh Lord, just imagine the pooh!”

  51. AmyDoodle says:

    There was a young mother from Prague
    Who lived rather high on the hog
    Of kids she had many
    That’s why she’s not skinny
    Her Prague-ress suggests she should jog.

  52. Bob Dvorak says:

    Nine months carried in Mom’s sheltered womb;
    Carried twenty years more, board and room.
    She bears photos of each
    Child who’s moved out of reach,
    And she’ll carry her love to her tomb.

  53. Allison says:

    My mother knitted sweaters galore,
    Instead of getting them from the store.
    The wool, it was worsted;
    The drop stitches cursed –
    And the cats taking skeins to the floor.

  54. PGS says:

    A fitter once using a wrench
    To fix, by some bolts, a loose bench
    Asked, “Gimme another
    Three-quarter-inch ‘mother’!”
    (His first tongue was German, or French?).

    German: Mutter = “mother”, but also: “(screw) nut”…

  55. PGS says:

    You like breakfast at home and with others, say,
    And follow your sisters’ and brothers’ way?
    Try to come and to stay —
    Second Sunday in May–
    With your mother, ’cause this is the Mothers’ Day!

  56. RJ Clarken says:

    There once was a mom from Poughkeepsie
    with a penchant for getting quite tipsy.
    She would not circumscribe
    her martini imbibe,
    but she’d say, “All I do is just sip, see?”


    That marvellous mother of mine
    Thought my penchant for reading was fine.
    She gave me a book.
    Before letting me look,
    Ripped out eighty through page eighty-nine!

    (True story…*smile*)

  58. Seth Brown says:

    Mother’s questions bring me lots of tension.
    “What were you doing?” Things I can’t mention!
    Guess it’s true what they say
    About mothers today:
    The necessity of all invention.

  59. TexasPaul says:

    My mother, so gentle and kind
    Who’s love is a genuine find
    Though when patience was tested
    Her hand quickly rested
    On the fatty part of my behind

  60. Stephen Gold says:

    Mrs Beeton, whose excellent book
    Taught Victorian England to cook,
    Would have rather served nude
    Than cook microwaved food.
    Ma, we’re begging you, please, take a look!

    Censoriously did she stare
    At my skimpy red lace underwear.
    I said, “Ma, this attire
    Will set men on fire.”
    But her scorn, like my ass, was laid bare.

    My mother, she’s driving me crazy!
    She’s obsessed that I’m useless and lazy.
    What’s her beef? Goodness me,
    I’m home always by three,
    And by noon I’m as fresh as a daisy.

  61. Paul says:

    Give her candy or give her a card
    To say, “Thanks, Mom, for working so hard”
    Give her roses, a bunch
    Even take her to lunch
    When she’s done cleaning up the front yard.

  62. Diesel says:

    There once was a man like no other
    who had an ape for a surrogate mother
    He loved to fling poo
    and when asked, “Was that you?”
    He’d say, “No, ma, that was my brother.”

  63. Ed Schmidt says:

    A mother’s worry is never quite done
    Greater still if their child carries a gun
    Dreads a telegram
    Sorry’s from Sam
    Till home, she prays she’s not lost one

  64. Ed Schmidt says:

    Mom teaches us, while we all grow
    She’ll say, “she loves you although”
    “If You Don’t Know By Now”
    “I’ve Lost You Somehow”
    “And frankly, I don’t want to know”

  65. Don Davis says:

    Mother Bush lived a life of great fortune
    T’was clear she nary skimped on her portion
    But son George made a mess
    Caused such global distress
    Even the Pope would’a blessed that abortion!

  66. J. E. Pettit says:

    A triple-play:

    As we lift up our glasses and cheer
    For the mothers we all hold so dear,
    I believe I can say
    They need more than a day;
    I propose we begin Mother’s Year!


    For four or five decades you would have;
    For four or five decades you could have.
    But now that Mom’s passed,
    You are seeing at last
    That you showed her no love like you should have.

    And shame on you for that…


    “I’m not happy this weekend,” said Brad.
    “While my parents are gay, and I’m glad,
    Mother’s Day is quite hard:
    I can’t send out a card
    Since neither one’s Mom; they’re both Dad.”

  67. Stephen Gold says:

    If I may, a quick revisal to an earlier submission:

    My mother is driving me crazy!
    She’s obsessed that I’m useless and lazy.
    What’s her beef? Goodness me,
    I get home before three
    And by noon I’m as fresh as a daisy.

  68. Ed Schmidt says:

    My mother was so loving to me
    Den mother to all she would be
    She worked very hard
    Baked biscuits with lard
    Read stories of elves and fairy

  69. chompy says:

    one more before the deadline –

    Well knees up Mother Brown,
    we kneesd up round the town-
    my mum’s quite mad
    but I’m her lad,
    I couldn’t let her down.

  70. chompy says:

    or two –

    Inventing the wheel was a feat
    which caveman Nog figured was neat,
    though he never forsaw
    his mother-in-law
    inventing the dreaded back seat.

  71. Your mother is truly a dear,
    But she’s getting too heavy I fear.
    At the All You Can Eat
    They said, “Don’t take a seat–
    You can just load her up at the rear.”

  72. stella says:

    We neglect Mother Earth, never learning
    To cherish her, carelessly spurning
    Her gifts, while she sighs,
    Breathing grief to the skies;
    Acid rain is her sorrow returning.

  73. Poster says:

    A mother cares not for your rank,
    Or how much you have in the bank.
    To her you’re the youngster
    She reared and looked after,
    And one day it’s her that you’ll thank.

  74. Liz W. says:

    There once was a wonderful mother,
    who gave me a sister and brother,
    though sometimes we fight,
    it turns out all right,
    ’cause she is a mom like no other.

  75. Sergio says:

    You are the best that I can see.
    You are the woman I wan to be.
    Thank you mum for your caring touch,
    Which means to me so much.
    Dear mom, you mean the world to me…

  76. […] The response to my Mother’s Day limerick contest exceeded my wildest hopes – 87 poems were submitted. Your delightful entries and enthusiasm has made this a fun experience for me and, I hope, for you. […]

  77. madkane says:

    Thanks for all your wonderful entries! This contest is officially closed and the Mother’s Day Limerick Contest winners and their winning entries are here.

    Please check back on this blog in mid-June, when I expect to announce a new limerick contest.

  78. Damon Leedham says:

    Here’s the limerick I put in my Mum’s card on Mothers’ Day:

    Here are some words just to say
    I love you on this Mothers’ Day
    You’re Thoughtful and Sharing
    And Loving and Caring
    And supportive in every way

    It made her cry

  79. A hard-working mother named May
    sadly regrets this Mother’s day
    for without having sex,
    by reasons complex,
    another two are on their way,

  80. A hard-working mother named May
    she now regrets this Mother’s day
    for without having sex,
    by reasons complex,
    another two are on their way

  81. Steve Vitoff says:

    hey madeleine, thanks for the fun. a word of caution: one of the following three limericks contains a direct reference to “Peshtigo pigeon pate”

    A hard-working mother named May
    Drove home in her old Chevrolet
    The windows were frosted
    And though May was exhausted
    She felt pretty good anyway

    A hard-working mother named May
    Wrote this to her friend in Calais
    “My kids drive me nuts
    My husband’s a putz
    Could I visit you for a day?”

    A hard-working mother named May
    Arranged her hors d’oeuvres on a tray:
    Haggis with rice
    Mothballs on ice
    And Peshtigo pigeon pate

  82. kirsty says:

    a boy stood on a burning deck
    a pocket full crackers
    the mouse ran up
    Trousers and bit away his