{"id":350,"date":"2008-12-12T01:10:02","date_gmt":"2008-12-12T05:10:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/?p=350"},"modified":"2008-12-12T01:13:18","modified_gmt":"2008-12-12T05:13:18","slug":"war-on-christmas-whine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/2008\/12\/12\/war-on-christmas-whine\/","title":{"rendered":"Declaring War On The “War On Christmas” Whine"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was heartened to read this column declaring war on the “war on Christmas” whine.<\/a> Something tells me, however, that Bill O’Reilly won’t agree.<\/a> <\/p>\n

I don’t have time to write anything new about Bill O’Reilly’s war on the faux war on Christmas, because my mother’s been in the ICU for the last week. But a song parody I wrote three years ago remains surprisingly up to date:<\/p>\n

Bill O’Reilly’s Faux War On Christmas — Song Parody (Sing to Get Me To The Church On Time<\/em>)
\nBy Madeleine Begun Kane<\/p>\n

Bill says we’re waging war on Christmas,
\nSpouting another Fox News lie.
\nBill’s rarely proper.
\nLoves telling whoppers.
\nAin’t nothing that his fans won’t buy.<\/p>\n

Bill claims we’re screwing blessed Christmas.
\nWe’re greeting people wrong, he cries.
\nNot saying merry,
\nChristmas is very,
\nBelligerent and most unwise. <\/p>\n

O’Reilly’s nasty, and quite the bore.
\nToo bad that Fox won’t kick him out the door.<\/p>\n

Store signs must twinkle “Merry Christmas.”
\n“Happy” and “holidays” won’t do.
\nBill makes a rumpus,
\nWith no moral compass.
\nHe leaves truth in the lurch.
\nO’Reilly goes to church?
\nHe fibs and fabricates and lies on cue.<\/p>\n

Bill says we’re out to outlaw Christmas.
\nSome people call its tree a bush!
\nBill’s not facetious.
\nBill’s claims are specious.
\nHis reasoning is packed with mush.<\/p>\n

Bill says we’re out to kill off Christmas.
\nWe’re harming symbols so sublime.
\nBill’s got a vision.
\nBill’s on a mission:
\nTo battle his faux war prime time.<\/p>\n

Is Bill a madman, or just perverse?
\nIt’s hard to picture a talk show host who’s worse.<\/p>\n

Shop lights must twinkle “Merry Christmas.”
\n“Seasons” and “greetings” just won’t do.
\nBill likes inciting,
\nAnd people dividing.
\nHe leaves truth in the lurch.
\nO’Reilly goes to church?
\nHe fibs and fabricates and lies on cue. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was heartened to read this column declaring war on the “war on Christmas” whine. Something tells me, however, that Bill O’Reilly won’t agree. I don’t have time to write anything new about Bill O’Reilly’s war on the faux war on Christmas, because my mother’s been in the ICU for the last week. But a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[164,26,3,152,88],"tags":[278,277,275,272,274],"class_list":["post-350","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bill-oreilly","category-media-satire","category-politics","category-religious-satire","category-social-satire","tag-fox-news","tag-holiday-satire","tag-media-humor","tag-oreilly","tag-war-on-christmas"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=350"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":357,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/350\/revisions\/357"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=350"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=350"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=350"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}