Dear John McCain:
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\nThank you, thank you, thank you!
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\nWhy am I, a\u00a0liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm?\u00a0 Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you’ve turned my life around.
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\nI mean (and I say this with all due respect) I could have sworn that Ms. Palin was as unqualified to be Veep as I am. Maybe even less qualified, since I’m a lawyer and she isn’t.
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\nBut it turns out\u00a0I was wrong.\u00a0 Why? Cuz she’s the Governor of Alaska, a state that’s really, really close to Russia.\u00a0<\/p>\n
And, as I’ve learned from you and your current wife, proximity equals expertise.\u00a0\u00a0 Which means that Governor Palin’s already an expert on Russia.\u00a0 And anything else she needs to know in the\u00a0foreign policy department she’ll absorb by osmosis, simply by hanging out near your knees.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Speaking selfishly (and who doesn’t?)\u00a0here’s the coolest part of this whole osmosis thing: Without any additional schooling or training, I have the expertise to do a gazillion hard things I haven’t studied for even an hour.\u00a0 For instance:
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\n1. Heart surgery.\u00a0 (A cardiac specialist lives two houses away, and we say “hi” at least twice a month.)
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\n2. Gourmet cooking.\u00a0 (My home’s within three blocks of over two dozen great restaurants.\u00a0 From the smell alone, I’ve surely\u00a0 picked up culinary chops.)
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\n3. Olympic swimming.\u00a0 (I live in Bayside.\u00a0 Need I say more?)
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\n4. Podiatry.\u00a0 ( I know someone who knows someone who knows Dick Morris.\u00a0 Okay, maybe not podiatry … but certainly pedicures.)
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\nI could go on forever, because\u00a0osmosis\u00a0has opened\u00a0the doors\u00a0to countless challenging professions.\u00a0 How many?\u00a0I can’t count that high cuz I don’t know any mathematicians.<\/p>\n
But I do want you to know how happy and grateful I am.\u00a0In fact, I’m so\u00a0excited,\u00a0 I’m having trouble deciding which\u00a0high level profession\u00a0to try out first. So thanks, Senator McCain.\u00a0 And please stay well\u00a0 … at least until that foreign policy\u00a0osmosis thing kicks in for Ms. Palin and the pesky Axis of Evil.<\/p>\n Oh … and one more thing: Please keep me in mind if you ever need heart surgery. Dear John McCain: \u00a0 Thank you, thank you, thank you! \u00a0 Why am I, a\u00a0liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm?\u00a0 Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you’ve turned my life around. \u00a0 I mean (and I say this with all due respect) I could have sworn that Ms. Palin was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[72,21,153,40,154,3,9,176,17],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/244"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=244"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/244\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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\nOr maybe I should just wait for my future boss to come to\u00a0me.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n[tags]Senator McCain, Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Running Mate Humor, VP Verse, Veep Vetting, Qualifications Humor, Heart Surgery Humor[\/tags]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"