I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:<\/p>\n
*****
\nI suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
\nDonald pardoned a bigoted troll,
\nDeeming racism kosher.
\n(What act could be gaucher?)
\nBias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.<\/p>\n
*******<\/p>\n
An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
\nWho’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
\nHas been dumped. Will he rail
\nIn a big pay-day tale?
\nI’m betting his story’s a corkuh.<\/p>\n
*********<\/p>\n
Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
\nThrough Texas, a menacing blow.
\nTrump’s FEMA’s done little;
\nJust talk laced with spittle.
\nBut at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Life With Mark and Madeleine:<\/p>\n
Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.<\/p>\n
Madeleine: What’s the problem?<\/p>\n
Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!<\/p>\n
Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”<\/p>\n
What to do when your allies are caught
\nDoing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
\nThere’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
\nYes Jones is the best nut
\nTo hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Oval Office blight;
\nHope’s plummeting out of sight.
\nCan’t succumb to plight!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
I have run out of patience with those
\nWho voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
\nIf you still like the guy,
\nPlease do NOT explain why.
\nI don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”<\/p>\n
So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise: <\/p>\n
Strong Dollar\/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?<\/p>\n
Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!<\/p>\n
Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.<\/p>\n
Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”<\/p>\n
Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…<\/p>\n
Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
\nIs so lawless, I just want to weep.
\nTake the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
\nLast night was a breach.
\nMy advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”<\/p>\n
(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally) <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I\u2019ll Shut the Government”<\/p>\n
Donald thinks he has magical powers
\nTo bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
\n“Build my wall!” (His first love)
\n“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
\nNo, not Mexico’s government! Ours!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Trump’s Phoenix Rally<\/p>\n
Yet another divisive Trump rally!
\n(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
\nHe was crazy, yet boring;
\nI swear I heard snoring,
\nAs hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”<\/p>\n
The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
\nBut ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
\nTo stare at the sun
\nWhile the moon’s having fun;
\nSo dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Our Naval destroyer collides.
\nTen sailors are lost in the tides.
\nTrump is asked, as the Prez,
\nTo comment, and says:
\n“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides! <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
\nReducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
\nNon-profits galore
\nWish to be there no more.
\nSchadenfreude? My case is immense!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:<\/p>\n
Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.<\/p>\n
What’s another Trump lie?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
\nWith an attitude far worse than lax,
\nHe defended delaying
\nTough statements by braying:
\nBefore speaking, “I like to know facts.”<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Both sides good!
\nBoth sides bad!
\nMe like facts!
\nFake media’s mad!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
\nToday’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
\nCondemnation delayed
\nSimply won’t make the grade.
\nSneers and jeers for your words insincere!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Me great president!
\nRacism bad!!!
\nEveryone happy now?
\nCan I go back to golf?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
The Donald’s an arrogant fool
\nWho possesses just one tiny tool:
\nThe dominance game,
\nWhich is best not to aim
\nAt someone who’s equally cruel.<\/p>\n
*****
\nTrump & North Korea Haiku<\/p>\n
“Fire!” “Fury!”
\n“Locked and Loaded!”
\nAdolescent bullies, goaded.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
\nHe’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
\nBut he’s yet to decry
\nFriday’s mosque attack. Why?
\nHave Twitter and Facebook been down?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
\nA perilous White House condition.
\nPence denies it, of course.
\nWill Trump force a “divorce,”
\nAs suspicion incites trust attrition?\t\t<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
\nThat’s a query I simply don’t get.
\nYet the press loves to ask it.
\nInstead, I would task it:
\nTruly cover our national threat.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
\nTrump’s invasion inside your domain
\nWith a broadside so mad,
\nYou said “Sorry! My bad!”
\nTell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
\nSo the White House is losing his vox,
\nWhich was often embattled;
\nHe lied and he prattled…
\nSkills soon to be transferred to Fox?<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
\nTo London’s postponed; the poor lad
\nHeard that protests were planned,
\nMaking Trump feel unmanned.
\nDemonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Junk health insurance—
\nJust what the doctor ordered. <\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Dear Jared, you\u2019ll soon be in hock
\nTo your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
\nWill they help you to skate?
\nI say prison\u2019s your fate,
\nAs a chip off the old Kushner block.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n
Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:<\/p>\n
“Just what are they trying to hide?”
\nTrump’s response, when most states won’t abide
\nBy vile records demands;
\nVoter privacy stands
\nSomehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.<\/p>\n
*****<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery: ***** I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul; Donald pardoned a bigoted troll, Deeming racism kosher. (What act could be gaucher?) Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2617,72,1550,44,21,2585,114,20,1990,52,556,26,116,1362,37,42,6,7,3,2142,9,611,610,17],"tags":[316,3068,3154,2927,3043,2270,2652,3100,516,390,2925,3156,1653,2529,3150,830,3151,1652,3069,3122,3092,3121,3145,204,3019,2799,3147,2770,1914,3149,3158,205,3155,222,1989,3026,3159,3157,3148,3153,2844,3152,3013,3146,3027,2444,3144,2473],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14117"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14117"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14117\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14129,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14117\/revisions\/14129"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/madness\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}