Mad Kane’s Political Madness

George Bush has been sounding extra whiney lately.  The poor guy!  Those abusive Dems have been torturing him, giving him a mere 98% of what he asks for.

Here’s Bush letting off steam about the possibly-in-trouble Michael Mukasey nomination for Attorney General:

“Judge Mukasey is not being treated fairly,” the president said, after taking the extraordinary step of inviting a group of reporters into the Oval Office to vent his feelings. Sitting behind his desk and leaning back in his chair, Mr. Bush said he was concerned that some people may have “lost sight of the fact that we’re at war.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Our Petulant Prez
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Dems are mean to Mukasey, who’s great,”
Bitches Dub, sounding rather irate.
“Don’t they know we’re at war?
Dems are making me sore!
They must do what I want.  No debate!”

Technorati Tags: President Bush, Michael Mukasey Humor, Attorney General Hearings, Torture Satire, Mukasey Limerick

This is starting to get silly. It seems like every other day, Barack Obama promises to bolster his lagging poll numbers by changing his campaign style and getting tough on Hillary Clinton.  But even when Obama tries to challenge Hillary, his speech is so droning, so professorial, so lacking in emotion, that his “attacks” fall flat.  Hell, Obama often sounds like John Kerry on Quaaludes.

And that brings me to my Barack Obama haiku:

I’ll be more forceful
Against Hillary Clinton.
I mean it this time.

(Inspired in part by this haiku prompt. You can find more of my news haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: Barack Obama Poem, Hillary Clinton, Presidential Campaign Humor, Election Humor

For some reason, blithe Dana Perino’s blasé response to a question about Bush’s $2 trillion Iraq war reminded me of two things:

1. Bush’s false claims to have inherited a recession from Bill Clinton; and

2. Bush’s vow to “solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.”

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The White House isn’t
Concerned about the war’s cost.
Isn’t that special?

I watch George Bush in disbelief.
His lies have caused such strife and grief.
Please tell me why that man is still chief.

(You can find more disbelief here.)

Technorati Tags: President Bush, Disbelief

If I’m ever reduced to pronouncing myself “relevant,” please, I’m begging you, put me out of my misery:

George Bush feels the need
To brag that he’s relevant.
What would Shakespeare say?

Technorati Tags: George Bush Relevant, Bush Humor

I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros.  What pros?  Well, Rudy does love opera.

And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse.  (Not that I want to find out, of course.)

Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?

Technorati Tags: Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors

Can you imagine the reaction if a Democratic candidate made a Mitt Romney type consult the lawyers before launching a war remark?  Republicans wouldn’t be guilty of a double standard, would they?

First Kill All The Lawyers (Republican Policy)

First Consult All The Lawyers (Mitt Romney Policy)

First Kill All The Democrat Lawyers (Revised Republican Policy)

(You can find more of my legal humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney, Legal Humor, Republicans & Lawyers, GOP & Attorneys, Debate Humor, GOP Hypocrisy

At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP:

SCHIP HAIKU
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush vetoed S-CHIP
Cuz he had a better plan:
No Child Left Alive.

(You can find more of my health humor here.) 

Update:
Ayn Clouter seasons
Her blog with parody poems,
Inspiring laughter.

Why did I post a haiku about Ayn Clouter?  Because she responded to my SCHIP haiku with some haiku of her own.

Technorati Tags: SCHIP Humor, Children’s Health Insurance Plan

How amusing! Karl Rove wants to be remembered for something more than just being the “Brain” of the worst President in U.S. history:

But even the cog does not want to be identified solely by his ties to the president. He knows he will go down in history as Bush’s “architect,” but he thinks he can expand his identity beyond just that. “It’s not like my life from here forward is going to be defined by it,” he said. “I have a chance to create something else. I’m not just going to be typecast as, ‘Oh, that’s the Bush guy.’”

Is Karl Rove’s Loyalty Roving? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rove’s rep is atrocious, of course.
Being known just for Bush is a source
Of embarrassment, true.
Is he starting to rue
It and suffer from seller’s remorse?

The answer to my “seller’s remorse” question is “probably not.” My guess is Rove’s huge ego will never let him admit to himself that he bet on (and sold) the wrong horse.

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Torture Advice Column, By ‘Devil’s Advocate’
* Carnival Of Satire
* Carnival of the Liberals
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of Political Punditry
* Carnival of Principled Government

Technorati Tags: Karl Rove, President Bush

In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President, former Mexican President Vicente Fox had this to say about George W. Bush:

The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.

I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear.

Technorati Tags: Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope

Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration’s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. What a shame that the brilliant Greenspan was never in a position to do something it about it and maybe even prevent it.

Oh … wait. Never mind!

So are you planning to run out and buy Greenspan’s self-serving, history-rewriting The Age of Turbulence? There’s really no need to, because I’ve summed up the former Federal Reserve Chairman’s new book in a single haiku:

Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Panning fiscal acts
He once endorsed, Greenspan feigns
Bystander status.

Technorati Tags: Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, Political Memoirs, Fiscal Discipline, Bush Administration, The Age Of Turbulence, Budget Deficits, Self-serving Memoir, Innocent Bystander, U.S. Budget Humor

These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn’t resist this great headline: Bush backs ‘Austrian troops’ at ‘OPEC’.

You say APEC, and Bush says OPEC.
You say Australian, and Bush says Austrian.
APEC,
OPEC,
Australian,
Austrian:
Let’s call the Bush term off.

(My apologies to the Gershwin brothers.)

Technorati Tags: Bush Gaffes, Bushisms, APEC, OPEC, Australian, Austrian, Gershwin

Poor Alberto Gonzales!  During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job — protect George Bush.  And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth.  Consequently, this George Bush line, made during the Gonzales resignation announcement, made me laugh out loud:

It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Al Gonzales is impeded from doing good work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons. 

Of course, the obvious question is “What good name?” But putting that aside,  Bush fails to mention the provenance of all that mud. This haiku should explain it:

Dub’s dirty secrets
Created the “mud” Bush claims
Gonzales dragged through.

(You can find more of my Alberto Gonzales humor and poems here.)

Technorati Tags: Alberto Gonzales, Resignation, Al Gonzales Good Name, Congressional Hearings, Gonzales Verse, Gonzales Poetry, Gonzales Haiku, Gonzales Lies, Gonzales Amnesia

Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies?  Apparently not.  Sure, they eventually quit.  But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit. 

Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”

And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.

I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick: 

Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy 

Technorati Tags: Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies

I wasn’t surprised to hear that Tony Snow plans to leave his Bush spokesperson gig when his “money runs out,” and possibly as early as September.

In fact, the only thing that surprised me was that he came back to his White House job at all after his latest bout with cancer.  I can’t imagine anyone with a life-threatening illness wanting to spend what could possibly be his last years or even months being a Bush patsy on a government salary. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Yet Another Snow Job?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush spokesman, ex-Foxer named Snow
Is quite ill and is planning to go.
Must be stressful to lie
Ev’ry day for that guy.
Why not do it for big network dough?

Technorati Tags: Tony Snow, White House Spokesman, Bush Spokesman, Snow Resignation, Fox Cable News

Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?

Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress?  A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time? 

Hahahahaha!

Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:

Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.

And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.

So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report?  Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:

(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)

Technorati Tags: General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll

Okay, so Karl Rove has resigned to spend more time with his family. Yeah … right.  This calls for a poll, don’t you think?

(My Bush impeachment poll is still open for business, and you can find my Bush’s Brain limerick here..)

Technorati Tags: Karl Rove’s Resignation, Bush’s Brain Resigns, Polls, Polling, Humor

According to Americablog, CNN’s Ed Henry has reported that Bush now has a spanking new (and personal) press briefing room podium.

I guess the podium used by Tony Snow and Dana Perino must have cooties. Or perhaps they’re hiding some sort of electronic “dictate the answers to Bush” equipment inside his personal podium. On the other hand, this just might be Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.

Bush on his podium
Fills me with odium.
Pass the Imodium.

Technorati Tags: Bush Podium, Bush Press Conferences, Cheney Undisclosed Location, Tony Snow, Dana Perino

I finally dare to fantasize that the Democrats may have gotten their act together, and they pull a cowardly stunt like this:

Just when the Dems at least are talking tough (even if they aren’t acting tough), they let Bush and Cheney intimidate them into giving them more spying powers. …

Can’t the Democrats just say “no,” as in “Sorry, you have proven that you can’t be trusted with increased spying powers, in fact you are still failing to fully inform Congress and the American people about the illegal spying you have conducted in the past and are still, apparently, conducting”?…

Unfortunately, my January 2006 limerick, George Bush Says His Spying Is Cool, remains valid.  But that certainly won’t prevent me from writing another one:

Bush Growls; Dems Kowtow
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Dems disappoint us again,
Backing Bush in his eavesdropping yen.
We need Dems to defend us
From Bush bills horrendous.
When will Dems turn from mice into men?

And now it’s time for a new poll, though my Bush impeachment poll remains open for business: 

(You can find lots of my privacy, technology, and computer humor columns, song parodies and verse here.)

Technorati Tags: Democratic Cowards, Bush Eavesdropping, Eavesdropping Poll, Bush Spying, Gonzales Eavesdropping

Watching Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama duke it out for the title “Democrat Most Likely To Start Another War” might be funny, were it not quite so disturbing.  However, it does remind me of a certain old Saturday Night Live sketch:

(You can find my anti-war song parodies and verse here.)

Technorati Tags: Hillary Clinton Humor, Barack Obama Humor, Macho Candidates,  Presidential Campaign, Election 2008, War-Mongering, SNL, Saturday Night Live