I’ve received a fair (or unfair) amount of hate mail over the years, mostly for my anti-Bush humor. What else inspired hate mail? This dental humor piece brought in a flood of angry mail after it appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer. For a brief period, I was Public Enemy #1 among dentists, dental students, and their family members. So it’s lucky for me and my teeth that I live in New York.<\/p>\n
Dental Deal (Satirical Contract)
\nBy Madeleine Begun Kane<\/p>\n
Does the very thought of a dentist set your teeth on edge? Is pudding too challenging to chew? This contract should help mitigate your pain.<\/p>\n
AGREEMENT entered into this ____ day of ________, 20__ by anxious Patient and drill wielding Dentist.<\/p>\n
WHEREAS, Patient views dentistry as legalized S & M; and<\/p>\n
WHEREAS, Dentist enjoys pillaging mouths almost as much as yachting and golf;<\/p>\n
NOW, THEREFORE, Dentist and Patient hereby agree as follows:<\/p>\n
1. Dentist shall instruct his receptionist not to ask, “How are we today?” If we were well, we would not be here.<\/p>\n
2. Dentist acknowledges that Patient’s time has a modicum of value. Accordingly, for every minute Dentist keeps Patient waiting, one dollar shall be subtracted from Patient’s bill. Double, if the waiting room is filled with kids.<\/p>\n
3. Dentist shall not try to persuade Patient that X-rays are safe. Such assurances lack credibility when piped in by a Dentist who’s encased in protective gear and cowering next door.<\/p>\n