{"id":54,"date":"2006-11-13T03:37:16","date_gmt":"2006-11-13T07:37:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2006\/11\/13\/how-to-become-an-insomniac\/"},"modified":"2011-04-29T02:54:11","modified_gmt":"2011-04-29T06:54:11","slug":"how-to-become-an-insomniac","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2006\/11\/13\/how-to-become-an-insomniac\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Become An Insomniac"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Becoming an insomniac isn&#8217;t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.<\/p>\n<p>1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won&#8217;t be identified for obvious reasons.)<\/p>\n<p>2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.<\/p>\n<p>3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.<\/p>\n<p>4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: &#8230; (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/insomnia.html\">How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Becoming an insomniac isn&#8217;t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours. 1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won&#8217;t be identified for obvious reasons.) 2. During your infancy, become accustomed [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,27,78,22,29,55],"tags":[2262,390,909,1200],"class_list":["post-54","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health-humor","category-how-to-humor","category-humor-columns","category-mental-health-humor","category-self-help-humor","category-sleep-humor","tag-funny-self-help","tag-health-satire","tag-humorous-how-to","tag-insomnia-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=54"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6620,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54\/revisions\/6620"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=54"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=54"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=54"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}