{"id":48283,"date":"2024-04-06T16:38:29","date_gmt":"2024-04-06T20:38:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=48283"},"modified":"2024-04-06T17:16:39","modified_gmt":"2024-04-06T21:16:39","slug":"limerick-off-award-520","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2024\/04\/06\/limerick-off-award-520\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (520)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In broad daylight he aimed; took the shot.
She lay still, on the deck of his yacht.
When she writhed on the floor,
He shot her twice more
At his favorite fashion pics spot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the PICTURES-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His new gal was an absolute mess;
He was fully enthralled, nonetheless.
He wised up really quick
When he spotted her pic
On the wall at the USPS.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vain old Donald is having his say again;
With the Bible he\u2019s having his way again.
He amuses his base,
As he says with straight face \u2014
\u201cWe will all Make America Prey Again!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Gail White, Jean McEwen, Gennadiy Gurariy, Doug Harris, J.OConnor, Trevor Alexander, Susan Settje, Dave Johnson, Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman, Mike Monks, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Terry Marter, and Mark Totterdell<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: SHOT\/SHOTS-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cried a doctor when one patient fought
An injection, \u201cJust take it or not!\u201d
And he wasn\u2019t amused
When the same guy confused
Him by saying, \u201cI\u2019d rather be shot.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: SHOT\/SHOTS-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PICTURES-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like classic old Westerns a lot \u2014
Gritty films where drunk cowboys get shot.
When these tough buckaroos
Take in bullets and booze,
They just grin and say, \u201cThat hit the spot.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She texted her picture. She\u2019s hot,
So I thought I\u2019d give romance a shot.
Then she told me she\u2019s rootin\u2019
For Vladimir Putin.
My internet girlfriend\u2019s a bot!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If The Donald should lose the election,
There\u2019s no reason to stage insurrection.
He should give (while he\u2019s hot)
Making movies a shot.
He\u2019s so awfully good at projection.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOT\/SHOTS-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gail White: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The day of my hanging was hot
And the amateurs tying the knot
Made a slippery noose
That was really too loose\u2026
So I opted for just being shot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sophie figured she\u2019d give it a shot.
So she struck while the iron was hot.
But then promptly she learned
That one\u2019s hand will get burned
When the iron one strikes isn\u2019t wrought.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With a gun pointed straight at his head,
The quarry quick-wittedly said,
\u201cA close-up is not
My favorite shot.
Could you make it a selfie instead?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She lost track of the number of shots
That she\u2019d downed. (Let\u2019s just say it was lots.)
She will drink you \u2014 she\u2019s able \u2014
Way under the table.
She\u2019s Mary, the Queen of the Sots.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Gennadiy Gurariy:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One evening a thief tried his best
To break through the lock on my chest.
I yelled \u201cyou\u2019ll get shot!\u201d
And aimed the red dot
But then let my cats do the rest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Jaeger bombs started the rot;
With whiskies I\u2019ve often been caught.
The Doc\u2019s diagnosis:
(I can\u2019t spell cirrhosis)
My liver is totally shot!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

J.OConnor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He decided that he\u2019d take a shot
At tying his own Windsor Knot.
Though he\u2019d try and he\u2019d try,
He could not tie the tie,
And tie tired is all that he got.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trevor Alexander:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She had my tongue tied up in knots
And gave me a case of the hots.
My libido was zingin\u2019,
But turned out she\u2019s mingin\u2019.
I\u2019m glad I\u2019ve had all of my shots.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having starting the night sipping tots,
I continued with various shots.
After many drinks more,
I was flat on the floor,
Swilling beer out of two-gallon pots.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PICTURES-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She tried a new app for a date.
Turns out, it was far less than great;
Selecting a guy,
But whose pic was AI,
A zombie who then showed up late.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Gennadiy Gurariy:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At last I pried open my wallet
For that blasted thing\u2026 what do kids call it?
The self-serving stick?
The self, selfie trick?
Now can somebody help me install it?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s the shirt with the Donald T mugshot,
And the Viktor-and-me T, a hug shot.
But I can\u2019t wait to see,
The celebrative tee,
That\u2019s the Donald\u2019s-at-last-in-the-jug shot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

J.OConnor, for his “true home improvement story”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pulled old wallpaper off of our wall.
Found a picture drawn seven feet tall
Of a majorette dressed
In a way no one guessed:
Besides boots she wore nothing at all.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said my father, \u201cI think I\u2019ll invest
My spare cash in tattoos for my chest.
I\u2019ve a picture in mind \u2013
Charlie Chaplin\u2019s behind \u2013
It\u2019ll make me laugh when I\u2019m depressed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I rarely take selfies. I lack
The fervor, the zeal and the knack.
Though I cannot deny
That I gave it a try
To examine that zit on my back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mike Monks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A meet & greet held in a bar
Fell terribly lower than par;
While her pic showed a cutie,
There now was no beauty.
Come on, folks! Just show who you are!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a classical musical treat,
Try Mussorgsky\u2019s evocative suite
That brings to fruition
An art exhibition.
A sensory palate complete!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This sale is sure not “for the birds.”
The people are coming in herds.
They’ve a very nice staff.
The reduction is “half.”
Each pic is worth 500 words.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bedecking the walls of Jill\u2019s villa
Are paintings that look just vanilla.
Every piece of her home
Is clich\u00e9d – monochrome.
Refined taste? Jill has not a scintilla.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Donald Trump is a blowhard, quite mad,
And I picture a scene, very bad:
To prove he\u2019s a sleaze
And determined to please,
He\u2019s down on his knees blowing Vlad.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Susan Settje:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The pompous young doc lacked humanity.
His godlike self-image, pure vanity.
Like a peacock, he preened,
While his patients all keened.
His murder? I\u2019m pleading insanity.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With neurosis eroding her sanity;
Obsessed with her mirror, (and vanity),
She\u2019s applied to herself
The whole beauty bar shelf,
And now looks like a walking profanity!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jane asked, \u201cDoctor, can I be psychotic?\u201d
When he answered, \u201cNo, simply neurotic,
And perhaps a bit vain,\u201d
She complained, \u201cHow mundane.
I deserve something much more exotic.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A neurotic old despot named Don
Told his doctor, \u201cMy self-control\u2019s gone.
I\u2019m obnoxious, or vain,
Or just flat-out insane;
It depends on the drugs that I\u2019m on.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reception you get will be cold,
If you contact your doctor, I\u2019m told,
And try to postpone
Your appointment by phone.
All they do then is put you on hold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to write something amusing.
My Muse, though, won\u2019t help; she\u2019s refusing.
In my vanity, I
Thought at least that she\u2019d try.
I\u2019d do better by taking up boozing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Rod needed \u201camusement\u201d \u2013and quick,
He thought Speed Dating might do the trick.
But the date said, \u201cYou\u2019re vain,
And your fast-talk\u2019s inane.\u201d
Then she gave him a really swift kick.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: In broad daylight he aimed; took the shot.She lay still, on the deck of his yacht.When she writhed on the floor,He […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[5401,4003,4465,3362,3523,5462,5691,6644,5106,5009,5018,4526,5463,6899,5343,3569,5407,3167,6231,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48283"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=48283"}],"version-history":[{"count":43,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48283\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48342,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48283\/revisions\/48342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=48283"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=48283"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=48283"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}