{"id":48186,"date":"2024-03-09T17:08:44","date_gmt":"2024-03-09T21:08:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=48186"},"modified":"2024-03-09T17:27:48","modified_gmt":"2024-03-09T21:27:48","slug":"limerick-off-award-519","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2024\/03\/09\/limerick-off-award-519\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (519)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny and timely two-verse limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That passenger flight went awry
While thousands of feet in the sky.
A window seat door
Wasn\u2019t there any more;
Unbolted, it fell from on high.<\/p>

And now their commercial can say:
\u201cCome fly with us \u2013 starting today.
Our Boeing Max 9
Is a new plane so fine;
Its features will blow you away!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special TOOTH\/TEETH-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He was trapped when the burglars broke in,
Tied with ropes from his toes to his chin.
But his son heard him call,
And he bit through them all \u2013
He was saved by the teeth of his kin.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever “Venus de Milo” limerick which uses at least two of these five words: LOOK, MESSY, PROOF, RIDDLE, UNFAIR.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s up with her schmata? (A dress?)
She sure didn\u2019t \u201cdrape\u201d for success!
With no arms, life\u2019s unfair.
You can\u2019t fix your own hair.
Ms. Milo\u2019s a classical mess!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Bob Turvey, Marc Davidson, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Jean McEwen, Bindy Bitterman<\/a>, and J.OConnor. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRIPLE DUTY DIVISION: WRY or RYE or AWRY-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TOOTH\/TEETH-THEMED LIMERICKS and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Observers conject as to why
Mona Lisa’s smile looks kinda wry.
Despite the belief
That she ain’t got no teef
There’s now proof that she’d just screwed her guy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked at the bottle of rye.
It was 86 proof. With a sigh,
I imbibed (to excess)
And woke up in a mess,
Missing teeth. Now the riddle is: Why?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: WRY or RYE or AWRY-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TOOTH\/TEETH-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A gleaming-white-smile kinda guy,
Screwed his dentist’s wife once, on the sly.
Since the dentist’s revenge,
His teeth look like Stonehenge,
Lots of gaps and all angled awry.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WRY or RYE or AWRY-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By a fantasy he was inspired
To make love on a bike. This required
That he be fit and spry.
But it all went awry:
When he tried it, it made him two tired.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it used to be Siri and me,
I was happy as happy can be.
But it all went awry
When this open AI
Started blabbing on ChatGPT. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said an actress, \u201cOh my goodness me!
Archbishop \u2013 your hand\u2019s on my knee!
You\u2019ve a glint in your eye\u2026
And your vestment\u2019s awry!
And you haven\u2019t yet paid me the fee!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Marc Davidson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m giving gymnastics a try,
For I\u2019m feeling uncommonly spry.
But I\u2019m booking, you betcha,
Two guys with a stretcher,
in case my attempt goes awry.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was an atheist guy
Who decided to give God a try.
What led him to choose
To commune with the Jews?
The kosher dill pickles and rye!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought I’d give baking a try.
It didn’t go well. I won’t lie.
The recipe said
I was baking white bread,
But somehow my plans went a rye.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said a woman whose outlook was wry:
\u201cWhy do men always think they must lie?
Seven inches? No way!
Mark my words when I say:
I can measure such objects by eye.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TOOTH\/TEETH-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once, the tooth fairy used to buy back,
Any tooth \u2014 be it pearly or black.
The prize for a chomper,
When I wore a romper
Was cash. Now it\u2019s just some old plaque.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman, for her “Leonardo da Vinci’s Request”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You look great in that Renaissance style,
But your ugly teeth stick out a mile.
Kindly breathe through your nose
To assume a new pose.
Mona, please try a more subtle smile.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought I was dining on cattle,
But chewing became a great battle.
I found out the truth
When I busted a tooth
On the stud of a fine English saddle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s a tongue-in-cheek tale of a sleuth
Who is well past the prime of his youth.
The defective detective
Is now less effective,
Short of breath, and too long in the tooth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you drive in mid-winter in Leith \u2014
GO SLOW \u2014 or you may need a wreath;
The council\u2019s so mean
They\u2019ve no gritting machine \u2013
Their advice is to grit your own teeth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Marc Davidson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m buying my dentist a wreath
For the coming demise of my teeth.
I\u2019m down in the mouth,
For my hygiene\u2019s gone south,
Exposing the rot underneath.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My dentist is cranky and old,
And his manner\u2019s increasingly cold.
What I really can\u2019t stand
Is his unsteady hand.
That\u2019s what gets on my nerves, tooth be told.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife\u2019s teeth are like stars in that they
Will come out at the close of each day.
And once toothless \u2013 sans bite \u2013
She\u2019s a pitiful sight,
But her tongue\u2019s just as sharp, so, \u201cOy vey!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A fine set of teeth has the ocelot,
Though it\u2019s true that they do make him cross a lot.
When food scraps get stuck
It\u2019s annoying as f*ck
And if only he could he would floss a lot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A born chiseler, one dentist Keith,
Claims, \u201cYour smile will light up like a wreath!
For ten grand (thereabout),
These new crowns will stand out.\u201d
So his patients all sport big-buck teeth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A golfer who\u2019s constantly gutting
It out in a rough that needs cutting,
Maybe looks to the green,
To make shots more pristine;
For the proof is (they say) in the putting.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLook, these charges are really unfair!
They\u2019re riddled with lies and hot air.
The riot that day
Was messy, OK,
But there’s proof I was not even there!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though my tresses look messy, the breeze
Is the reason it\u2019s tangled. So please!
Stop critiquing my hair!
You are being unfair.
At least I do not harbor fleas!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bindy Bitterman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good heavens, it\u2019s awfully unfair
To blame ME for the mess that\u2019s up there!
Sure, it\u2019s under my roof
But I rent to that goof
For whom \u201cdress-up\u201d means clean underwear!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got holes in the lobes of each ear,
And tattoos on my back and my rear.
Then I ventured a look,
At a skin disease book,
And now I am riddled with fear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An unflattering SNL spoof
Sent that narcissist Trump through the roof.
When he tweeted, \u201cUnfair!!
I have much better hair.\u201d
They countered, \u201cSee now we have proof.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

J.OConnor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They roundly agree she\u2019s a square.
On the hole Peggy\u2019s treatment\u2019s unfair.
If Peg had looked \u2019round,
I\u2019m sure she\u2019d have found
A square Peg\u2019s never fitting in there!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Visit Scotland,” they said, – look for Nessie.
So we did, – took my dumb cousin Jesse.
He jumped in for a swim,
And soon Nessie found him.
After that, things became rather messy!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny and timely two-verse limerick: That passenger flight went awryWhile thousands of feet in the sky.A window seat doorWasn\u2019t there any more;Unbolted, it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[5302,5401,4003,4465,3523,6644,5106,5009,5018,4526,6862,5463,2537,5343,5407,3167,5145,487],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48186"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=48186"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48186\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":48235,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/48186\/revisions\/48235"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=48186"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=48186"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=48186"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}