{"id":47924,"date":"2023-12-09T17:18:34","date_gmt":"2023-12-09T21:18:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=47924"},"modified":"2023-12-10T14:34:16","modified_gmt":"2023-12-10T18:34:16","slug":"limerick-off-award-516","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2023\/12\/09\/limerick-off-award-516\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (516)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One young lady agreed to a match,
With the richest old man she could catch.
The decision seemed rash,
But she married for cash.
It appears she was itching for scratch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Special Mistake-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After many loud protests in jail,
His attempt to escape was a fail.
He curled up in a sack
In a truck, out the back
Which (it turned out) was incoming mail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: FAULTY, HUSTLE, MEAN, POT, STICK. (Though it’s certainly NOT required, TIM used all five of those words.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He\u2019s a hustler who\u2019s mean when on pot,
But just look at the girlfriend he\u2019s got!
She\u2019s so brainy and fine,
Yet she sticks with that swine.
Her judgment\u2019s not faulty; it\u2019s shot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dallman Ross<\/a>, Terry Marter, Marieta McGrath, Tim James, Byron Miller, Janice Canerdy<\/a>, Steven Kent<\/a>, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Doug Harris, George Larson, Kirk Miller, Tony Holmes, Steve Johnston, J.OConnor, Lisi Nortman, Phil Woodford<\/a>, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, William Preston, Gail White, Rudy Landesman, and Jeanine Silverio. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CATCH or CATCHES-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dallman Ross: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A subway straphanger named Craig
Took the Metro due East from the Hague.
Though he wanted to catch
This year\u2019s Rotterdam match,
What he caught was the Omicron plague.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Little Ricky encountered a catch:
His uniquely small dick was no match
For the fact that the thatch
Of blonde hair on her patch
Made it tricky to access her snatch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Marieta McGrath:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man with a peg leg and patch
Used Tinder to find him a match.
His only reply
Was a shark who said, “Hi,
You look like you could be a catch!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a fellow named Tim
Who met a hot gal at the gym.
She thought him a catch,
So she offered her snatch.
I wish *I<\/strong>*<\/strong> <\/em>were the Tim in this lim!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lady Guinevere strikes up a match,
Lights a fart near her Knight-weary snatch;
\u201cAin\u2019t my beautiful ass
Just a natural gas,\u201d
She proclaims, as her thatch starts to catch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Janice Canerdy, for her “Grandma\u2019s Extra-Special Brownies”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You want brownies? She\u2019ll make you a batch.
They\u2019re fantastic, but there is a catch.
They\u2019ll make you feel good,
Like no brownie should;
She adds pot to those treats made from scratch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Steven Kent:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m aware that my girl is a catch,
So I\u2019ll do what she wants me to, natch:
Wash her car, buy her jewels,
Fix her stuff with my tools,
Snatch her kiss when I can (and vice versa.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When fishing from piers got too old,
Rod tried ice fishing (just to be bold.)
He imagined he\u2019d snatch
From the lake a big catch,
But all that he caught was a cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The chick from the egg duly hatches,
But mystery quickly attaches:
The process reversed
Ponders which one came first?
A sequel to Schr\u00f6dinger\u2019s catches \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

George Larson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A fly-tying fool tries to match
The appearance of this morning\u2019s hatch;
Casting over the lake,
He hopes he can fake
Out the big one he\u2019s trying to catch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MISTAKE-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marieta McGrath:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A scatterbrained girl, Annie Ferrer
Discovered that she’d made an error:
She went out of her house
With only a blouse,
And the neighbourhood boys fled in terror.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A cartographer\u2019s really astute;
Draws relief maps of mountains. He\u2019ll shoot
For perfection each time.
Though his maps are sublime,
When he makes a mistake, it\u2019s a butte.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am haunted on cold, winter nights,
By the errors of youth. The delights \u2013
Wine and women, fast cars,
Making love \u2019neath the stars \u2013
These I should have been doing, by rights.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may think I\u2019m an arrogant flake,
But for years I have managed to make
Not one error or blunder.
I\u2019m really a wonder!
Just think \u2026 not a single misteak!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steve Johnston:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was a young virgin named Pearl,
Who thought to give childbirth a whirl.
It seems all along,
The plumbing was wrong,
The virgin\u2019s name should have been Earl.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

J.OConnor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a fellow named Jim.
Who often did things on a whim.
When he jumped in the lake
It was a mistake.
He first should have learned how to swim.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I make countless mistakes, to the MAX!
Do I worry? No sir! I relax!
Not to brag, I\u2019m a pro
Cuz I\u2019ve got this M.O. :
I remember to cover my tracks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMistakes were made.\u201d That\u2019s a clich\u00e9.
It\u2019s a passive-voice way not to say
Who screwed up, who\u2019s to blame.
It\u2019s a con artist\u2019s game
Whereby those at fault all get away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Phil Woodford, for his “Missed Steak”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Young carnivores keen to pitch woo
Had reserved a smart table for two.
But they\u2019d made a mistake,
As the meat was all fake
And their ribeye was made of tofu.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Goddess Gaia was quick to exalt
Her good taste when the Earth rendered salt.
When a bad earthquake came,
Was she stuck with the blame?
No. She claimed that it wasn\u2019t her fault.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It perhaps was a blunder to get
A large tiger to keep as a pet,
As its claws do so catch
In my flesh with each scratch
That I\u2019m feeling a twinge of regret.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: FAULTY, HUSTLE, MEAN, POT, STICK.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

William Preston:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You will never develop some muscle
By failing to get up and hustle;
Instead, you will not
Have a gut, but a pot,
And a gluteus maximus bustle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Such a lazy boat owner is Russell;
He won\u2019t hasten, or hurry, or hustle.
High on pot, he might mull,
Over thoughts of his hull,
But, alas, without moving a mussel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the words “pot” and “stick” on the screen,
I could really write something obscene,
But I think I’d be wise
To pass up the prize
By saying much less than I mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A young ballerina, they say,
Was doing the \u201cHustle\u201d one day.
Though her critics were mean,
It had to be seen:
She added a sexy pli\u00e9.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The hustle of wild County Cork
Is upsetting sweet Patrick O’Rourke.
He claims, “Folks here are mean.
I need a new scene.
Begorra! I’ll move to New York.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A stick bug repeated verbatim:
\u201cI\u2019m a twig, I\u2019m a twig. That\u2019s the datum.\u201d
By this means of illusion,
He hid from intrusion,
Till a termite (who bought the lie) ate him.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After work Mama hustled to buy
Lots of meals in a large bulk supply.
She divorced Harry Johnson
To marry Clarke Swanson.
In honor of chicken pot pie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jeanine Silverio:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With nostalgia for disco, old Russell
Hit the dance floor to do a mean hustle.
But he backed up too quick,
Then collapsed on the kick:
\u201cOh my God, I done tore my butt muscle!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: One young lady agreed to a match,With the richest old man she could catch.The decision seemed rash,But she married for cash.It […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[2578,6785,3362,5462,6733,6644,4514,4764,3284,5009,5018,4526,6754,5463,6787,5446,5343,6352,6786,5407,3167,5145,3539,487,523],"class_list":["post-47924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-contest","tag-byron-miller","tag-dallman-ross","tag-doug-harris","tag-gail-white","tag-george-larson","tag-j-oconnor","tag-janice-canerdy","tag-jeanine-silverio","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-marieta-mcgrath","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-phil-woodford","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-johnston","tag-steven-kent","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-william-preston","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47924"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47924\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47969,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47924\/revisions\/47969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}