<\/p>
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It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n At the power plant, newcomer Dwight <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special TEACHER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n My mentor at work taught me this: <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: JOINT, LOVELY, NAP, TAX, CONQUER.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Mused one caveman \u2014 a sensitive chap \u2014 <\/p> And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Paul Haebig, J.OConnor, Terry Marter, Judy Freed<\/a>, Rudy Landesman, Lisi Nortman, <\/span>Brian Allgar,<\/a> Sjaan VandenBroeder, <\/span>Bob Turvey, Tony Holmes, Dave Johnson, Mark Totterdell<\/a><\/span>,<\/a><\/span> <\/span>and <\/span> <\/span>Fred Bortz.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks: <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: LIGHT\/DELIGHT-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TEACHER-THEMED LIMERICKS) <\/span><\/p> Tim James:\n\n\n\n She pursued and eventually caught him. <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIGHT\/DELIGHT-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paul Haebig: <\/p>\n\n\n\n The dragon beseeched the brave knight: <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n J.OConnor, for his “acrostic” limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n L<\/strong>ook at me and you\u2019ll see that I\u2019m light. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you tend to post lims when you’re pissed,*<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Judy Freed: <\/p>\n\n\n\n She thought she was losing her sight. Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n\n\n\n He intended to kiss her that night Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n In my youth, life was fun as could be, Lisi Nortman, who adds that many drivers take the Lincoln Tunnel to get from New Jersey to NYC: <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re taking the \u201cLincoln\u201d tonight, <\/p>\n\n\n\n Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I wanted to serve something light, <\/p>\n\n\n\n Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some regard bawdy lim’ricks as trite <\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n A limerick mentioning light <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> HONORABLE MENTIONS (TEACHER-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cJust explain how to do it,\u201d she begs, Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d like to give thanks to those teachers, Judy Freed: <\/p>\n\n\n\n All my life, how I\u2019d hunger and yearn <\/p>\n\n\n\n J.OConnor: <\/p>\n\n\n\n Recommended by our local preacher, Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n\n\n\n Cried an old Orkney teacher named Stover, Lisi Nortman, who adds: “In 1969, I taught 5th grade for one year. One year was enough.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to teach 5th grade, beware! Tony Holmes: <\/p>\n\n\n\n The instructor said, \u201cIndicate right.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: JOINT, LOVELY, NAP, TAX, CONQUER.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Tim James: <\/p>\n\n\n\n A lovely girl carp known as Joy Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n\n\n\n The lovely maid knew what he meant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n J.OConnor: <\/p>\n\n\n\n At night when the lights are down low Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n When I doze with a wrap on my lap, Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n\n\n\n When the bad news continues to tax, Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n\n\n\n I would write of the joints I have been to \u2014 <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> <\/p> Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p> <\/p> In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/a> <\/span>To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: At the power plant, newcomer DwightWas not very careful or bright;He shorted the grid,And, you know, when he did,It both was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,1983,65,42],"tags":[5401,4003,4465,5187,3523,6644,6639,5009,5018,4526,5463,5399,5446,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47442"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47442"}],"version-history":[{"count":42,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47442\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47498,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47442\/revisions\/47498"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47442"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47442"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Was not very careful or bright;
He shorted the grid,
And, you know, when he did,
It both was and was not a delight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Never tell the boss something\u2019s amiss.
When he says something dumb,
Shut your mouth and stay mum;
And don\u2019t ever forget what to kiss.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Before giving his woman a rap,
\u201cI would take time to conquer
My instinct to bonk her,
But then I\u2019d miss out on my nap.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
It took a full day, but she taught him
All the ways to delight.
For the final that night,
His exam was complete, top to bottom.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
“Would you help me, kind sir, in my plight?
The fire’s gone out
At the end of my snout.
Could you possibly give me a light?”<\/p>
I<\/strong>\u2019m as light as a feather and might
G<\/strong>et airborne with ease,
H<\/strong>ead off in the breeze,
T<\/strong>hen get stuck in a tree like a kite!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Your subtle wit’s ‘gems’ will be missed.
Your talent, so bright,
Will fail to delight,
Cause no one but you, gets the gist.<\/p>*<\/strong>Inebriated<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Her vision got blurry at night.
Her fears were erased
When her bulbs were replaced.
She could see! It was purely de-light.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
By the moon\u2019s bright and silvery light;
But there was an eclipse.
He could not find her lips.
He too, it would seem, wasn\u2019t bright.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
But the years have made changes in me.
Now my greatest delight
Would be sleeping all night
With no need to get up for a pee.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
At the end, you should make a quick right.
Though those hookers don\u2019t know you,
They’re happy to show you:
At the end of the tunnel, there\u2019s light.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
So I made some fish tacos last night.
But it didn\u2019t work out;
Those ungrateful trout
Swam off without even a bite!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
And prefer Lim’rick Lite as their rite.
While some others, imbued
With a bent to be crude,
Tend to use words like ‘shite’ with delight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Is a thing I am sure I could write.
I\u2019ve got plenty of time
To come up with a rhyme.
Now just when is that deadline? Oh shite!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd I\u2019ll swallow it all to the dregs.”
\u201cGrasp with fingers and thumbs,
Then suck hard till it comes \u2026\u201d
I had taught my old Gran to suck eggs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Who due to their no-nonsense features,
Helped build a foundation,
While real education,
Was going on under the bleachers.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
For a love who would love in return.
Now I offer a course
In avoiding divorce.
\u2019Cause we teach what we most need to learn.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
She\u2019s also a Sunday school teacher.
And she\u2019ll accept checks
When you call her for sex.
But Sundays may be hard to reach her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAs a sadist I think I\u2019m in clover.
Perhaps there are laws
On using the tawse,
But they don\u2019t apply here so bend over.\u201d <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
You\u2019ll repeatedly say this, I swear:
\u201cYour hands don\u2019t belong
In your pants; it\u2019s just wrong.
And girls, please stop twirling your hair.\u201d <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I turned left. (You\u2019ve discerned I\u2019m not bright.)
For my second mistake,
I drove into the lake \u2013 \u2013
They\u2019re just keeping him in overnight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Swiftly conquered the heart of each boy
In the fish pond. She\u2019d flirt,
And then treat them like dirt.
It turned out she was just being koi.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
His eyes showed his evil intent.
He wouldn\u2019t just conquer.
He\u2019d ravish and bonk her
Until his desire was spent.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
And his lovely wife\u2019s watching a show,
He will say in her ear
\u201cAre you napping my dear?\u201d
Then she\u2019ll always snore twice for a \u201cNO.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
My young pup chews the thing into pap.
With his nose out of joint,
Soggy fluff makes his point:
\u201cI have had quite enough of this nap!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
We need to know how to relax.
Try napping or play;
Although some spend their day
Immersed in alternative facts.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Taken women and children and men to \u2014
But it\u2019s best not to tax
My old brain for the facts
That I shouldn\u2019t be putting my pen to.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n