{"id":47312,"date":"2023-05-27T16:48:08","date_gmt":"2023-05-27T20:48:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=47312"},"modified":"2023-05-27T17:58:40","modified_gmt":"2023-05-27T21:58:40","slug":"limerick-off-award-509","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2023\/05\/27\/limerick-off-award-509\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (509)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL<\/a>, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Young Billy, as daft as they come,
Kicked a huge grizzly bear on the bum.
It was done as a dare,
But alas, now the bear
Has a Billy-sized bulge in its tum.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the PREPARATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hans had eaten so much he could burst;
All the schnitzel and beer came up first.
He felt somewhat perplexed,
Thinking, \u201cWhat will come next?\u201d
While preparing himself for the wurst.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On her dating app, vying for men,
Joy enhances her profile, and then,
To better compete,
She considers her feet,
And rates herself (broadly) a \u201cten.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins a Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It began as a light-hearted dare,
That I wouldn\u2019t strip off and walk bare
Down the length of the street
And greet ladies I meet
With, \u201cGood morning! You\u2019re welcome to stare.\u201d<\/p>

I made sure I was looking my best,
As one does when not wearing one\u2019s vest.
Hearing nothing decried,
As I strode in my pride,
I believe the voyeurs were impressed.<\/p>

All good things, though, must come to an end,
Lest an overindulgence offend.
It was time to behave.
I had dared and proved brave,
And \u2013 who knows? \u2013 may have started a trend.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jean McEwen, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Judy Freed<\/a>, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Richard Orr, Bob Turvey, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Tony Holmes, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Jon Nixon, BillR, J.OConnor, Terry Marter, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BEAR or BARE<\/strong>-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PREPARATION<\/strong>-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plan to hike in the woods? Then prepare!
Pack some bug spray and trail mix to share.
To survive, if you can,
Make a getaway plan–
For you\u2019re sure to encounter a bear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ranger Rick tells us how to prepare,
If, while hiking, we meet with a bear:
Wield a stick; jump and holler;
Lift arms (you\u2019ll seem taller).
And if none of that works, try a prayer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BEAR or BARE<\/strong>-RHYME DIVISION) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judy Freed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My friends sent me out on a dare,
To a beach where the bathers were bare.
My attempt to join in
Left a burn on my skin.
Can\u2019t blame them. I guess it was fair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I told Mama “I need to prepare
For a speech at “The Naturist Fair.”
Her response: “Here’s a trick.
Which is easy and quick:
Just picture your audience bare.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Richard Orr:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man at a bar, I declare,
Brought his stuffed support animal there.
Friends cried, \u201cGo pet a skunk
Whilst incredibly drunk!\u201d
In response he just grinned, \u201cHold my bear.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camel drivers who got to the Bosphorus,
All shouted out, \u201cGet glue and moss for us!
All our camels are bare
For we\u2019ve sold all their hair
And we hope moss will cover the loss for us.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The grizzly announced, “I won’t wear
Any clothing, and simply don’t care
If people are rude
When they see I am nude.
As a grizzly, I have to be bear.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you camp in the woods, do beware
That you may well encounter a bear.
He\u2019ll have food on his mind \u2013
You\u2019ll be fine if he\u2019s dined,
But if not, you\u2019re legitimate fare.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ms. Godiva got naked? Big deal.
As I\u2019ve aged, I\u2019ve discovered I feel
That I don\u2019t really care
If she rode around bare.
But her choc\u2019late? That still has appeal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Away from the usual glare,
That beach is for nudists to share.
But lately some cold
Weather strengthened its hold;
For many, it\u2019s too much to bare.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jon Nixon: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A tatty and balding old bear,
Said that life hadn\u2019t treated him fair.
He cried, \u201con my life,
I swear I\u2019m a Steiff,
But my button fell off with my hair!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n


<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BillR:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The National Parks\u2019 Smokey Bear
Has been known to go off on a tear.
He\u2019ll smoke up a storm
To keep himself warm
\u2019Cuz he really has no clothes to wear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n


<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS PREPARATION<\/strong>-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I soon will be marrying Ken.
I\u2019m counting the minutes till then.
My one sacred vow,
Which I\u2019m pledging right now,
Is \u201cNever plan weddings again!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c\u2018Be Prepared\u2019 is our longstanding motto,\u201d
I heard from a Boy Scout named Otto.
\u201cI\u2019ve stocked up on booze,
Which is something I\u2019ll use
If a Girl Scout should want to get blotto.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

J.OConnor says: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The meal was an absolute treat,
A great gastronomical feat.
Took so long to prepare
So it doesn\u2019t seem fair
That it took only minutes to eat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Be prepared!” I was told as a Scout,
To solve problems when out and about.
But when trouble found Me,
It caused me to pee.
Now my leadership badge is in doubt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For tornadoes, our family’s rehearsed.
We all must prepare for the worst.
We put steak in our socks.
This plan really rocks,
Cause the search dogs will find us folks first.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unprepared, he decided last night
To go sailing alone at first light.
A swipe from the boom
Knocked him into the spume
Where he watched his yacht sail out of sight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.<\/strong>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A quarrelsome woman named Tess
Rates my lims a misogynist mess.
She thinks gals in my verse
Are all airheads or worse.
She\u2019s no fan of broad humor, I guess.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don’t stand there and casually view it.
The river is broad; go swim through it.
The essence of “brave”
Is how you behave.
If it scares you, no matter what, Do It.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hiring female employees, for Rex,
Is hard. All he thinks of is sex.
With each broad it\u2019s the same,
So instead of his name,
He signs every rating with \u201cx.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Judy Freed: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I once had a quarrelsome friend.
All her points she would bravely defend.
Till she sat on a spoke,
Swearing it was a joke.
Seems she had the last word in the end.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

J.OConnor: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m painting with rather broad strokes
When I speak about quarrelsome folks
And I say that their skin
Would not be as thin
If they only learned how to take jokes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You say you might leave the Big Apple?
With its problems you don\u2019t want to grapple?
I say, pull up your socks,
Have a bagel with lox.
And be brave. Have some borscht. No, not Snapple!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Young Billy, as daft as they come,Kicked a huge grizzly bear on the bum.It was done as a dare,But alas, now […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,4405,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[6652,5401,4465,6644,5106,6645,6639,5009,5018,4526,5463,6632,2537,5446,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47312"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47312"}],"version-history":[{"count":54,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47312\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47401,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47312\/revisions\/47401"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}