{"id":47104,"date":"2023-04-01T16:05:02","date_gmt":"2023-04-01T20:05:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=47104"},"modified":"2023-04-02T12:02:26","modified_gmt":"2023-04-02T16:02:26","slug":"limerick-off-award-507","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2023\/04\/01\/limerick-off-award-507\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (507)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to BOB TURVEY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was a very young man
I loved tractors as much as folk can.
An air-moving machine
Then came onto the scene \u2013
And now I\u2019m an extractor fan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Wheels-Themed Limerick Award for his funny Limerick Travel Guide:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The folks are free-wheeling in Wheeling;
In Steele there\u2019s a fair bit of stealing.
There\u2019s NO fun at all
To be found in Blue Ball,
But in Fucking there\u2019s lots of good feeling.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(Tim adds: “These are all real places. Wheeling is in West Virginia, Steele is in Missouri, Blue Ball is in Pennsylvania, and Fucking is in Austria (though they changed the name a couple of years ago because their street signs kept getting stolen.”)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: MEAL, FAN, WATCH, BUSINESS, SLEEP.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said a rock star whose cool name was Sloopy,
“My bedroom’s so hot, I feel loopy.”
Called his new PA man:
“I can’t sleep; need a fan.”
He was promptly supplied with a groupie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Tim James, Keone Morienga, Terry Marter, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, Gail White, Tony Holmes, Jeremy Andrew, Lisi Nortman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sharon Neeman, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE<\/strong>–RHYME<\/strong> LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RANDOM WORD GENERATOR<\/strong> LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n


I was falling asleep on the can,
When into my mind this thought ran:
Are Mad\u2019s lim’ricks obscene?
\u201cFUCK!\u201d See what I mean?
That\u2019s probably why I\u2019m a fan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE<\/strong>–RHYME<\/strong> DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The actors are doing a scene
Where one of them gets in between
Two others in bed;
Then there\u2019s laughter instead.
(How threesomes make PG-13.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I once stiffed a psychic named Jeanne.
I feel guilty, so now I\u2019ll come clean.
She had billed me a grand
But I told her, \u201cPound sand!\u201d \u2014
Which was something she should have foreseen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Keone Morienga, for his “127 Hours.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a boulder dislodged and then landed,
Aron Ralston thus found himself stranded.
Not the stickiest scene
In which he\u2019s ever been,
He got out of that jam single-handed!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(An avid climber and adventurer, Aron Ralston cut off his own arm in 2003 to escape from 127 hours stuck in Utah\u2019s Bluejohn Canyon.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The forensic department is keen
To solve murders with info they glean.
They’ve just found a box
With six locks, under rocks.
Its contents? – Remains to be seen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a limerick, smutty’s okay,
But scatology’s best kept away.
No point if they’re clean,
So they should be obscene
But not turd, is what I always say.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So a couple have sex on the screen,
It\u2019s explicit, in close-up, obscene.
Well I guess you should know
It\u2019s a BBC show
And a couple of rabbits I mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A sailor I\u2019ve frequently seen
Has a noteworthy posture and mien.
One leg\u2019s long, one leg\u2019s short;
So she lists some to port.
Apropos, since her name is Eileen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When someone exclaims \u201cthat\u2019s obscene!\u201d
I\u2019ll try to discern what they mean.
Expressing dismay
At some naughty display?
Okay, let me look at your screen\u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WHEELS<\/strong>–THEMED<\/strong> LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said Grok, \u201cI\u2019ve invented the wheel.\u201d
Said his fellow stone-agers, \u201cBig deal:
Can\u2019t eat it or throw it
Or play it or blow it\u2026
Though at least it\u2019s not easy to steal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMistress Fortune, when spinning her wheel,
Seems to favor the blackguards with spiel:
Not the kind and the meek,
Who deserve a good week,
But the blighters who lie, cheat and steal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeremy Andrew:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I’m driving, the passengers feel
Quite nervous as four tires squeal.
But they really turn white,
When I close my eyes tight
And I shout, \u201cJesus, please take the wheel!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That scooter is great at the mart.
Sit down, press the button, then start.
Walking used to be fun,
But now I am done,
Cuz I can\u2019t even wheel the damn cart.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He purchased a self-driving car
For traveling both near and far.
As part of his deal,
They pre-programmed the wheel
To steer him back home from the bar.<\/p>

One night on the way, he was stopped.
The officer noticed he\u2019d propped
His feet on the dash;
Then an offer of cash
Was made by the car \u2013 Charges dropped.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR<\/strong> LIMERICK DIVISION: MEAL, FAN, WATCH, BUSINESS, SLEEP<\/strong>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A male cheetah with amorous zeal,
Watched the females, then made his appeal.
One gal saw a gazelle,
And replied, \u201cVery well.
But first you must spring for a meal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My nutritionist, Dr. Jane Smith,
Says: “The need for big meals is a myth.
Watch your portions, I say,
And sleep eight hours a day —
But I surely won’t tell you who with.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Apple Watch tells me I sleep
Like a log, never hearing a peep.
But I think it is lying
\u2019Cause lying there, trying
To sleep, I just keep counting sheep.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A somnambulist said to a shrink,
\u201cI\u2019m a sleepwalker. What do you think?\u201d
Said the doc, \u201cI\u2019m a fan
Of walking, so can
We meet up Friday night for a drink?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An airliner dumping its can
Flew over the house where a man
Was watching a game.
Through his ceiling it came;
And that\u2019s when the shit hit the fan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

(True story \u2013 A few years ago, a Seahawks fan was watching a game
when a frozen block of lavatory waste discharged by an airliner
came crashing through his ceiling. Luckily, no one was hurt.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A businessman thought he\u2019d get far
As he watched a hot gal in a bar.
His attempt was a loss;
She was wed to his boss.
Now he sleeps and takes meals in his car.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was roused from a very deep sleep,
Much annoyed at an incessant bleep
Which, invading my dreams,
Had undone all my schemes
To watch football in bed with Ms. Streep.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a King feared his food had been basted,
With a poison, he\u2019d have it pre-tasted.
If the taster fell dead,
The King watched him and said,
\u201cWhat a pity \u2014 another meal wasted.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n


<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BOB TURVEY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: When I was a very young man I loved tractors as much as folk can.An air-moving machineThen came onto the scene […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[5401,4003,4465,5462,5106,6608,6564,3271,5009,5018,4526,5463,5052,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47104"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47104"}],"version-history":[{"count":59,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47104\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":47189,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47104\/revisions\/47189"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47104"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47104"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47104"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}