{"id":46881,"date":"2023-02-04T17:21:28","date_gmt":"2023-02-04T21:21:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=46881"},"modified":"2023-02-04T18:08:16","modified_gmt":"2023-02-04T22:08:16","slug":"limerick-off-award-505","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2023\/02\/04\/limerick-off-award-505\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (505)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A stripper whose outlook was screwed,
With her crowds got increasingly rude.
So she took some time off.
(Not a thread did she doff.)
Then returned to work, fresh and re-nude.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the DESTRUCTION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One cat, with just four little paws
And some teeth in her two tiny jaws,
Pushed three plates off the table,
Ate all she was able,
And puked on the rest. Why? Because.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: STRIDE, HANDY, PUNISH, FLY, BAIL.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To keep this year\u2019s diet on track,
I\u2019ve developed a three-step attack;
Not a punishing stride,
but a nice, easy slide–
One step forward, another two back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman, Rudy Landesman, Tim James, Doug Harris, Don Lazarre, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, Jean McEwen, and Brian Allgar. <\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RUDE, RUED or ROOD-RHYME DIVISION) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A starving philosopher rued
That day when he busked in the nude.
Naked truth in the street
Didn\u2019t help make ends meet,
But it DID give him more thought for food.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a carpenter, I could tell tales
Of all of my sweat and travails.
Standing here, at the rood,
I’m beginning to brood,
Cause they’re using the wrong kind of nails.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the Haiku police came, I rued
The day that I wrote one ’bout food:
The subject was Thyme,
But I’d slipped in a rhyme.
I must now eat my words or be sued.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From Russia, that much troubled nation,
There\u2019s news that has caused a sensation.
When folks there allude
To Putin as rude,
They\u2019re subject to defenestration.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While in England, and looking for food,
I sought help from a whimsical dude.
He said, \u201cEighty roods down,
Take a left into town.\u201d
Thanks a lot. What the hell is a rood?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The media hypers are glued
To Prince Harry\u2019s pulp fiction and feud.
It\u2019s a sorry affair
That he feels like a Spare,
But to blame his old dad is just rude!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Don Lazarre:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To Santa, she wrote \u201cI ask you:
‘When sleeping, you SEE us. That true?
If you do, that is rude
Cuz I sleep in the nude!
And ain\u2019t THAT worth a present or two?’\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a lamplighter dude,
Whose career choice was one that he rued.
His one true desire?
To be the town crier;
So he stood in the street and boo-hooed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some kind of morality nut
Described it as \u201cvertical smut.\u201d
Though seemingly lewd,
It\u2019s not meant to be rude;
Cuz twerking is anything butt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope that, with skill and with luck,
This rhyme won\u2019t descend into muck
With a word that is crude
And offensive and rude
At the end of the fifth line. Oh f**k!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DESTRUCTION-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the altar of Mammon he kneeled
And prayed for some bonds with high yield.
In this God he did trust,
But the market went bust;
And no longer is he so well-heeled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt Goetz has set out to destroy
Civil order; he\u2019ll use any ploy
To help burn down the House.
He\u2019s a certified louse,
With disdain for the mass hoi polloi.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I asked a Republican pundit:
\u201cOur Democracy, sir, have you shunned it?\u201d
\u201cWe\u2019ve destroyed it,\u201d he said,
\u201cBut it isn\u2019t quite dead,
So we\u2019re passing a bill to defund it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The crew of a starship took stock
Of the Earth. They regarded in shock
War, destruction, and hate.
Their report home will state:
\u201cNo intelligent life on this rock.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His brainchild was nervy and brash;
Investing in digital cash.
While some made a buck,
Many others were stuck;
Invited to join in the crash.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A concern in the bedroom was key
In destroying my marriage for me.
She left me one day.
So, what\u2019s there to say?
My dildo was cursed with E.D.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION – STRIDE, HANDY, PUNISH, FLY, BAIL)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The masochist “I Love Pain” Flo
Begged “Punish me, dear darling, Joe.”
In a very swift stride
“Sadist Joe” went outside.
(Before closing the door, he said, “No!”)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denied bail, Stu was fit to be tied,
Refusing to take it in stride,
As the price to be paid
When one murders the maid
And then boils and ingests her raw hide.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided to punish the fly.
\u201cYou\u2019ve annoyed me too long, you must die!\u201d
I attempted to swat it,
And thought I had got it –
Instead, it flew into my eye.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hired your handyman Phil.
He walked in, but it wasn’t a thrill,
Cuz he opened his fly,
And I said, with a sigh,
“That does NOT take the place of a drill.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI would send a nice letter \u2014 oh, fie!\u201d
Charlotte scrawled, \u201cBut no paper have I.
It was handy last year,
But I\u2019ve lost it, I fear.
So I\u2019m writing to you on the fly.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know art, lit, and science,\u201d said I.
\u201cI\u2019m a suave, cultured Renaissance guy.\u201d
Said my date, \u201cEpic fail!
One last thing, then I\u2019ll bail:
Leonardo, please zip up your fly.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A stripper whose outlook was screwed,With her crowds got increasingly rude.So she took some time off.(Not a thread did she doff.)Then […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[4003,4465,6578,3362,5106,3271,6577,5009,5018,4526,5463,5446,5052,5343,5407,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-46881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-don-lazarre","tag-doug-harris","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-challenge","tag-limerick-competition","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46881"}],"version-history":[{"count":38,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46881\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46965,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46881\/revisions\/46965"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}