{"id":46765,"date":"2023-01-07T17:18:42","date_gmt":"2023-01-07T21:18:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=46765"},"modified":"2023-01-08T17:33:21","modified_gmt":"2023-01-08T21:33:21","slug":"limerick-off-award-504","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2023\/01\/07\/limerick-off-award-504\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (504)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to Tim James, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for his funny two-verser:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A limerick writer was blue
\u2019Cause the rhyme word was \u201cblew,\u201d and he knew
That his muse (nasty slut!)
Would produce only smut.
So he caved. What\u2019s an artist to do?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The result:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple who drove through St. Lou
Got excited and tried something new.
They went into a roll
When he lost all control;
But it wasn\u2019t a Goodyear that blew.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER,<\/a> who wins the RELIGION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Commandments to get into heaven?”
Said Moses, “Let’s keep it to seven.”
But God said, “No way!
There are ten, and they’ll stay!
You’re lucky there aren’t eleven!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: NAME, NAUSEOUS, PROFIT, TEASE, SILVER.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eyes half-glazed, up I gazed at a soffit,
When some \u201ccrawly\u201d (unnamed) fell right off it.
It dropped onto my iris,
An act undesirous,
From which none but my eye doc will profit.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Sharon Neeman, Lisi Nortman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Keone Morienga, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, Gennadiy Gurariy, Gail White, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Edmund Conti,<\/a> Tim James, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Steve Benko<\/a>, Rudy Landesman, Ken Gosse, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BLUE or BLEW-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like a bat out of hell, my car flew,
Drifting hard ’round the bends; back-end slew.
Now I always must walk,
So I just talk the talk
Since the two-point-o-four that I blew!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh well, yes, I suppose it is true
That the sky and some flowers are blue,
But my mood\u2019s bluer still
When I see (as I will)
That my tax refund hasn\u2019t come through.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Santa, I’ve been very kind,
Extremely polite and refined.
Gee, now I am blue
Cuz none of that’s true.
I’m tearing this up. Never Mind!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inspiration has got a clogged vent;
My mojo\u2019s behind with the rent;
My muse is so blue
She hasn\u2019t a clue,
And I can\u2019t coin a phrase, cos I\u2019m spent.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An untalented flute ingenue,
Good at humming, took up the kazoo.
Buzzed the flautists, \u201cAtrocious!\u201d
Purred Maestro, \u201cPrecocious.\u201d
(The kazoo wasn\u2019t all that she blew.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keone Morienga:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you overwhelmed, stressed out, and blue
\u2019Cause you bit more off than you can chew?
H o O k E r S d R u G s M i N d L e S s s E x
f L e E F r O m H i T \u2013 A n D \u2013 R u N W r E c K s \u2026
Just like that, you won\u2019t feel so askew! <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I went as a Smurf to the do,
All dressed up with my skin tinted too,
But I must have, I think,
Used indelible ink,
And for weeks ever since I\u2019ve been blue.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Gennadiy Gurariy: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The past tense of fly? Why it\u2019s flew.
The past tense of blow? Surely blew.
So why did my teacher
(A hard-hearted creature)
Get mad when I said \u201cthe car slew?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RELIGION-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said Abraham, “Lord, could you fix
Just one problem before the Law sticks?
We’re devout to the core,
But are you really sure
We must all snip the ends off our dicks?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s a new handy way to confess.
Go ahead; you’ll relieve all your stress.
You won’t have to wait.
And you’ll still make your date.
Get in line for the “Ten Sins Or Less.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Pastor, I know that you pray
For me hundreds of times every day.
Better save that entreaty:
I’m telling you, sweetie,
I plan to stay gay anyway.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lord said to Abraham, “Go
And slaughter your son. Don’t be slow!”
Abe said, “Who am I
To refuse to comply?”
But his son said he should have said no.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eve wandered through Eden, in song,
Looking hot in a fresh fig-leaf thong.
She soon was detected
By Homo Erected.
I ask: what, on Earth, could go wrong?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Edmund Conti:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Said Harry, “I’m decent and clean
And my prayers are all prayers that I mean.
I\u2019m now eighty-seven.
I\u2019ll soon be in Heaven.”
Said God, “That remains to be seen.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Keone Morienga, who describes this as “Off-Label Use for Holy Anointing Oil”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she paused to discuss a conjunction \u2013
Sought to question an ampersand\u2019s function \u2013
I said, \u201cMiss, please excuse,
But this rub down could use
Fewer ifs, ands, or buts and more unction.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D<\/strong>o you know my friend Tom, the agnostic?
O<\/strong>n the subject of faith he is caustic:
\u201cU<\/strong>tter nonsense! What goof
B<\/strong>elieves tales with no proof?\u201d
T<\/strong>hat\u2019s the story behind this acrostic. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A dyslexic was left in the lurch
On the pulpit, where he had a perch.
He offered his prayers
To the great Dog upstairs
And soon was tossed out of the church.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Steve Benko says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey buddy, come join the crusade;
We\u2019ll pillage and loot and get laid,\u201d
Said the knight. And the Pope
Says “Don\u2019t sit there and mope;
Get a move on! For conquest I\u2019ve prayed!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went skiing last year up in Maine.
All week long it did nothing but rain.
If God is all good,
I don\u2019t know how He could
Permit evil weather. Explain!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gennadiy Gurariy: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I admit I can feel the flames lapping
When I start anapestic’ly rapping
With my lim\u2019rickal horde,
Yet even the Lord
(When they\u2019re funny) is secretly clapping.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: NAME, NAUSEOUS, PROFIT, TEASE, SILVER.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ken Gosse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alas, silver has no perfect rhyme.
Rhyming profit with prophet\u2019s a crime.
In Jove\u2019s name, please don\u2019t tease\u2014
near-rhyme causes unease\u2014
I get nauseous from rhyme that\u2019s sub-prime.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We named our new baby girl Iris.
For this miracle, Sue was desirous.
In her fam-il-y way,
She was nauseous each day
A Miracle? Or just a virus?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That monster whose name rhymes with “frump”
Leaves me nauseous and needing a dump,
But his luck has begun
To run out — oh, what fun! —
And his profits will certainly slump.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Teased a comely young woman named Mae:
\u201cCome and see me! I\u2019ll cook, then we\u2019ll play!
But my cooking may cause ya
A bad bout of nausea.\u201d
We skipped straight to the nookie that day.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jon Gearhart:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Shakespearian line, some think keen,
I tease is much too widely seen.
“What’s in a NAME?”
That question is lame–
The answer’s MANE, AMEN and MEAN!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A woman named Jenny, he\u2019s found,
Has a body and face that astound.
She\u2019s a bit of a tease,
But she\u2019s willing to please.
Silver baubles will bring her around.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSecret Santa is always the same,\u201d
Groused The Grinch. \u201cWhat a profitless game.\u201d
He dug into his hat,
And sighed, \u201cSo much for that.\u201d
Once again he had drawn his own name.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They say profits and wealth are a lie;
Silver loses its shine, by and by.
The possession of treasure
Will bring you no pleasure.
(I\u2019m willing to give it a try.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A loner, named Ranger, prized tasks
That were mindless \u2014 like washing his masks.
If his doorbell should chime,
He\u2019d tell Tonto, \u201cSay I\u2019m
Cleaning silver, if anyone asks.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to Tim James, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for his funny two-verser: A limerick writer was blue\u2019Cause the rhyme word was \u201cblew,\u201d and he knewThat his muse (nasty slut!)Would produce only smut.So he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[2482,2558,3523,5462,5691,3727,4842,6564,3271,5009,5018,4526,5463,2537,5446,5052,5343,5080,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46765"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46765"}],"version-history":[{"count":63,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46765\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46857,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46765\/revisions\/46857"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46765"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46765"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46765"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}