{"id":46692,"date":"2022-12-10T18:20:25","date_gmt":"2022-12-10T22:20:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=46692"},"modified":"2023-01-04T19:06:00","modified_gmt":"2023-01-04T23:06:00","slug":"limerick-award-503","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/12\/10\/limerick-award-503\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (503)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER<\/strong>, who wins the Limerick-Off Award<\/strong> for this funny limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

An Irish expatriate male
Yearned for Limerick gals, so set sail
To those faraway shores,
Where he found British whores,
All beyond the proverbial Pale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES<\/strong>, who wins the Special GOSSIP<\/strong>-Themed Limerick Award. In his trio of limericks, Tim imagines a world where children\u2019s rhymes and songs are the subjects of gossip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mother Hubbard missed meals and she knew
That her doggy would go hungry too.
Now the word on the street
Is: in order to eat,
She\u2019s been cooking herself canine stew.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

That old farmer who lives in the dell
Torched his buildings in town, I hear tell.
Cow and cheese prices crashed
And his cash flow was slashed \u2014
But the payout from Allstate was swell!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Have you heard the hot news about Jill?
Someone told me she went up the hill
With that ne\u2019er-do-well Jack,
Then got down on her back.
I sure hope she\u2019s been taking the Pill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER<\/strong>, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: CLASS, CATCH, FLASHY, STARE, GAIN.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a lower-class lout (quite the potterer),
Wed a crone twice his age (thought a lot o\u2019 her),
Said his Pappy, \u201cWhat fun!
While I\u2019m losing a son,
It appears I am gaining a dotterer!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, Rudy Landesman, Tony Holmes, Edmund Conti, Bob Turvey, and Fred Bortz<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: SALE or SAIL-RHYME LIMERICKS<\/strong> THAT ARE ALSO RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS<\/strong>)
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moby\u2019s ladylove cried up a gale,
When she caught her man out chasing sail.
Upon hearing her blubber,
One classy landlubber,
Said, \u201cGood God, that\u2019s one hell of a wail!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SALE or SAIL<\/strong>-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A mariner\u2019s spinning a tale:
\u201cHow not to prepare for a gale.
It\u2019s known from the past
That removing the mast
Will render a boat not for sail.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those large bags of Tostitos, on sale
For $4.99 rarely fail
To draw in the shoppers
Who also love Whoppers–
Preferring them, greatly, to kale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At Target, I’d hoped to succeed
In purchasing items I’d need.
But this “Black Friday” sale
Was more like a trail
That led to the Klondike Stampede.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once again, with the ladies I fail.
When I asked for a night out with Gail,
She said, \u201cHate to be rude;
You\u2019re a hapless old dude.\u201d
What\u2019s this \u201chap\u201d and who\u2019s got some for sale?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that tale, when the whaler sets sail
On the trail of the palest old whale,
You hope it\u2019ll so be
A win for old Moby,
And pray that the sailors will fail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Archeologists dug hill and dale,
Found an ancient note; fragile and pale.
Spending millions (they said)
We\u2019ve revealed that it\u2019s red
And says: \u201chalf off marked price in this sale.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went with my bosom friend, Gail
To “Plus-Size” to check out their sale.
I tried to be kind
When I saw a “great find”
And said, “This would fit YOU or a whale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My girlfriend, I\u2019m told, has set sail.
Therein, as you\u2019ve guessed, lies a tale.
She went off to float
In some other guy\u2019s boat.
And I\u2019m glad; I\u2019ve been wanting to bail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Legend tells of a seafaring snail
Which went cruising traversing a sail.
In the time that it took
To return from Cape Cook
It had learned how to reef in a gale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GOSSIP<\/strong>-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Edmund Conti:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you hear what I heard about Mary
And her deeds that were rather contrary
To our town\u2019s moral code?
(Yes, I\u2019m gonna explode.)
Psst, psst, also Tom, Dick and Harry.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for gossip these days, I want none of it;
Though it seems that I\u2019m mired in a ton of it.
How I miss the old days,
With their civilized ways,
When we picked on folks just for the fun of it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a gossip-mad lady called Fay
Who is gullible too, I would say.
She once started a rumour
That she had a tumour \u2013
And believed it when told the next day!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who gossip can be such a pain.
They\u2019ve no class, and their views are inane.
E.G: Trump\u2019s a good case;
Gossip spews from his face,
Yet he thinks he\u2019ll be Prez once again.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prying quidnuncs persistently wish
To find dirt on their foes, so they fish!
They\u2019re expert consumers
Of bruit, tales, and rumors
That yentas reliably dish.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman, for her “Juicy Gossip:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Did you hear that Mad’s led us astray?
She pilfered our verses last May!
Put them ALL in a book
You can find at “Book Nook”
Titled, “Never Write Lim’ricks This Way!” <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whenever we go for a ride
On horseback, Sue\u2019s quick to confide
Some secret she heard;
Now she\u2019s spreading the word.
Her gossip is taken in stride.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Yiddish, they call her a Yenta.
She’s the one who believes virtue sent her.
Others’ favor she wins
By recounting your sins,
And there’s naught you can do to prevent her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James, a 2-verser:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a statue of Zeus in the square,
Where the townsfolk have gathered to stare.
He\u2019s buck naked, you see,
And his package is wee.
(He\u2019s a god, though; that doesn\u2019t seem fair.)<\/p>

The chatter\u2019s intense. \u201cBy my soul,
What poor loser would pose with that<\/em> pole?\u201d
\u201cThis was sculpted from life
By the mayor\u2019s ex-wife!\u201d
Idol gossip is out of control.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: CLASS, CATCH, FLASHY, STARE, GAIN.<\/strong>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my last Class Reunion was done,
Someone nudged me to say that I\u2019d won
At both \u201cGlassy-eyed Stare\u201d
And \u201cEat Muesli in Chair.\u201d
See, you\u2019re never too old to have fun.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So you wonder why boys gape and stare
At your ass? Well, it\u2019s practically bare!
Listen: Girls who dress flashy
Get treatment that\u2019s trashy.
Attend to the clothes that you wear!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman for her “Senior Citizen Mahjong Club”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hot flashes are something we share.
We’ve no eyebrows, but lots of chin hair.
We’ve abandoned romance,
Cause we might wet our pants.
Yet, we still have that come-hither stare.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Edmund Conti:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There once was a golfer so flashy,
A bystander stared and said \u201cTrashy.\u201d
When she heard that oaf mutter,
She threw down her putter
And gave him a whack with her mashie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The laddie would stare at the lass,
Admiring the curve of her ass.
The way she was built
Got a rise \u2019neath his kilt,
Showing all that this Scot had no class.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Herschel Walker, a flashy young man
(Years ago), has been part of a plan
For a GOP gain.
It\u2019s become very plain
He\u2019s now only a flash in the pan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I catch a rude stare from some lout,
Then I ponder, \u201cWhat\u2019s that all about?\u201d
I prefer a good leer.
It may leave me in fear,
But at least it won\u2019t leave me in doubt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook in the last Limerick-Off.   Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: An Irish expatriate maleYearned for Limerick gals, so set sailTo those faraway shores,Where he found British whores,All beyond the proverbial Pale. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[5401,2482,4465,2558,3523,5106,3271,5009,5018,4526,5463,4973,5446,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523,1194,203],"class_list":["post-46692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-contest","tag-bob-turvey","tag-competition-limerick","tag-dave-johnson","tag-edmund-conti","tag-fred-bortz","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-challenge","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-poetry-prompts","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest","tag-writing-contests","tag-writing-prompts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46692","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46692"}],"version-history":[{"count":41,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46692\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46781,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46692\/revisions\/46781"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46692"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46692"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46692"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}