{"id":46496,"date":"2022-11-13T19:30:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-13T23:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=46496"},"modified":"2022-11-13T22:07:56","modified_gmt":"2022-11-14T02:07:56","slug":"limerick-off-award-502","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/11\/13\/limerick-off-award-502\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (502)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once, a gentleman bought me a dress,
With a size label bigger than \u201cs.\u201d
In spite of its cost,
The garment got tossed,
While I muttered, \u201cSo much for largesse.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n


Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER<\/a>, who wins the Special SINGING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poor Dorothy asks with a cry,
“If \ud835\udc4f\ud835\udc56\ud835\udc5f\ud835\udc51\ud835\udc60 can fly, why then can’t I?”
How sweetly she sings!
But she doesn’t have wings,
And to answer her question, that’s why.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations to KEN GOSSE, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words:  <\/strong>EYE, RAIL, RUSH, SEAT, SNAIL. (Somehow KEN GOSSE managed to use all five of them.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ken Gosse:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Miss Muffet\u2019s quick eye spied a spider
In a rush to the seat right beside her.
She soon left this vale
Not by snail, but speed rail,
With a bite from that tiny, pale rider.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Tim James, Edmund Conti, Lydia Porter a\/k\/a Cabbie Monaco<\/a>, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell<\/a>, Paul Haebig, Rudy Landesman, Bob Turvey, Elizabeth M. Baker, Sue Dulley, Gail White, Brian Allgar,<\/a> and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: DRESS-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was sure that she gave me the eye,
So I took the next seat; squeezed her thigh.
Then she let me caress;
Slide my hand up her dress,
Where I quickly found out, she\u2019s a guy!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DRESS-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m really not bright, I confess,
And my brain’s an embarrassing mess.
My neurons are spent!
I thought “Gettysburg” meant
Not a speech, but a type of a “dress.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she gave him the slightest caress,
He embraced her and pawed at her dress.
\u201cWhat a creep!\u201d you may say.
But it\u2019s really OK:
He\u2019s a pup. They excel at excess.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Edmund Conti:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Excuse me, I\u2019m under some stress,
Having made my last lim\u2019rick a mess.
You see, I must squint
When I read the fine print\u2013
Please use \u201cdress,\u201d please use \u201cdress,\u201d please use \u201cdress!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many deeds in my past had tongues wagging,
And for years my atonement\u2019s been lagging.
But I still can\u2019t redress,
All my sins and confess,
Because God always knows when I\u2019m bragging. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although she enjoyed her success,
Working “retail” gives rise to much stress.
Selling women’s wear’s tough,
And what makes it so rough
All day long it’s re-dress and redress.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once, a fierce fashionista named Zach,
Told his boss, \u201cI am on the attack!\u201d
But he made a big mess
When creating a dress
Out of gunny. So Zach got the sack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m a dud with the ladies, I guess.
When I asked for a date, lovely Jess
Told me, \u201cMeet me at eight
At my place. Don\u2019t be late.\u201d
Then she gave me a bogus address.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’re correct that my clothes are a mess.
Yours are better, I freely confess.
But I have you beat
If we’re asked to compete
For the title “Most Fun to Undress.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cabbie Monaco:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Applying for jobs, gurus stress
That at interviews you must impress.
Don\u2019t make a mistake
Like my bearded mate, Jake.
He turned up in a scarlet silk dress.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SINGING DIVISION)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We ladies at \u201cSunset\u201d are shrewd.
We don\u2019t sing in the shower; it\u2019s lewd.
Cause then we will dance,
Likely slip, and perchance
The Medics will notice we\u2019re nude.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any time I attempt karaoke,
Whether poppy or rocky or folky,
Though I think I\u2019m a star
With the best voice by far,
I am really all tuneless and croaky.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our feelings, I know, differ vastly,
But I\u2019ve always been fond of Rick Astley.
He is awfully cute!
We can watch him on \u201cmute,\u201d
Since you think that his singing is ghastly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am singing a beautiful song;
My voice sounds so good; can\u2019t go wrong.
Then my friend\u2019s voice breaks in:
\u201cWhat the fuck is that din?
Quit the wailing, – and put down that bong.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan Vandenbroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My attempts to learn lyrics fell flat.
Karaoke, though, took care of that.
I mouth into the mike,
Any jabber I like,
And there\u2019s always some guy who\u2019ll yell, \u201cScat!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she sings, the collection of \u201cnotes\u201d
She emits as she squirms and emotes
Is as soothing and sweet
As an ungulate\u2019s bleat.
Oh my God, that\u2019s an insult to goats.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the shore; through the storm, I would sing.
As waves crashed, to love\u2019s mem\u2019ries I\u2019d cling.
Held my pearls to the sky,
With a tear in my eye, –
Then they broke, and I swallowed some bling.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A chordophone-plucking jamoke
Crooned his ballads for Renaissance folk.
His gal gave him the boot
And made off with his lute \u2014
Thereby leaving the guy flat baroque.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So now that I\u2019m no longer young,
I\u2019ve sharpened the bite of my tongue.
But don\u2019t ask me why
I let sour notes fly.
It\u2019s best we leave that song unsung.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In China when springtime is young
And shoots from the ground have just sprung
To help them along
Folk sing them a song
And the singer is often called Sung.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION:  <\/strong>EYE, RAIL, RUSH, SEAT, SNAIL) .

Edmund Conti: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whenever you rush for a seat
You\u2019ll find some young girl has you beat.
But don\u2019t make a fuss
You are not on a bus.
It\u2019s Musical Chairs, so compete!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Snidely Whiplash, a dastardly male,
Rushed to tie lovely Nell to the rail.
I am bound to feel pain,\u201d
She said, hearing the train,
\u201cBut I\u2019d rather do this than eat kale.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the show, first in line for the loo,
Aesop\u2019s hare eyed a snail in the queue.
Why\u2019d the rabbit retreat,
And rush back to his seat?
Some might say that he sensed d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elizabeth M. Baker says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The post office \u201crushes\u201d my mail,
But slowness will always prevail.
In mail-time we speak;
One day is a week,
And that\u2019s \u2018cause the mailman\u2019s a snail!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She left the north-west in a gale
And travelled to London by rail.
She needed to rush
(Ask her why and she’ll blush)
But the train was as slow as a snail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A snail took a seat on a rail
And watched as the sunrise grew pale,
When a snail in the grass
Shouted, \u201cWatch it, you ass!
Behind you a train\u2019s coming! Bail!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This eye-catching race never fails;
All the seats were jam-packed to the rails.
Bang! The starting-gun shot,
But a rush it was not \u2013
The event was a race between snails.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a bright winter\u2019s day, a cute snail
Warmed himself on a sunlit steel rail.
Then along came the rain,
And a rather large train.
Sunbathe Fail. End of snail. End of tale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Take a seat”, said the eye doctor, Scott.
Heard he’s thorough, I liked him a lot.
I asked, “Can I see
Your notes about me?”
He smiled and said, “Probably not.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A letter, these days, sent by mail
Seems to move at the pace of a snail.
Ask the postman to rush?
He will just retort: \u201cHush!\u201d–
And annoyingly, then, drag his tail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Once, a gentleman bought me a dress,With a size label bigger than \u201cs.\u201dIn spite of its cost,The garment got tossed,While I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,6517,2558,6479,5462,5106,4842,4960,5009,5018,4526,5463,5399,2537,5446,5343,3369,5407,3167,487],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46496"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46496"}],"version-history":[{"count":54,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46496\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46591,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46496\/revisions\/46591"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}