{"id":46265,"date":"2022-09-17T23:53:31","date_gmt":"2022-09-18T03:53:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=46265"},"modified":"2022-09-17T23:57:06","modified_gmt":"2022-09-18T03:57:06","slug":"limerick-off-award-500","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/09\/17\/limerick-off-award-500\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (500)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DOUG HARRIS, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The digital gremlins let rip
\nAnd chewed up my laptop\u2019s old chip.
\nAs it draws its last breath
\nWith the blue screen of death,
\nHow\u2019s it playing an Amazon clip??<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special RELAXATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

He tried to relax, but he failed;
\nSo a bowl of the best he inhaled.
\nHe had hoped he would find
\nThat it helped him unwind.
\nNow his train of thought\u2019s fully derailed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: DEFECT, SMART, VOICE, SHAME, TASTE.<\/p>\n

Since my dog is so smart, it\u2019s no wonder,
\nShe barks, \u201cRoof!\u201d ev\u2019ry time she hears thunder.
\nI share her perspective;
\nWhen weather\u2019s defective,
\nIt\u2019s not something we ought to be under.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dale S. Biggs, Jean McEwen, Linda A. C. Fuller, Roger Haugen, Dave Johnson, Tony Holmes, Rudy Landesman, and Gail White. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks: <\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CHIP-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

Jack Sprat and his missus would brawl
\nAt each meal over grievances small.
\nHe: \u201cThis plate has a chip!\u201d
\nShe: \u201cEnough with the lip \u2014
\nYou\u2019re lucky I feed you at all!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

He gambled his house and his ship,
\nTold the croupier gal \u201cLet her RIP!\u201d
\nShe spun; the ball popped.
\nHis heart (and wheel) stopped.
\nThe loss killed him, \u2013 he\u2019s cashed his last chip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Willie Wonka was smart as a whip;
\nOn computers he had a firm grip.
\nAs his business had grown
\nHe built one of his own.
\nIt contained the world\u2019s first choc\u2019late chip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Susie gave me a wonderful tip:
\n“You’re too fat girl, now please get a grip.
\nThough this may sound absurd,
\nYou must eat like a bird.”
\nThen she left, and I pecked at a chip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dale S. Biggs:<\/p>\n

A putt\u2019s not a drive or a chip.
\nIt\u2019s a nudge t\u2019wards a cup or its lip.
\nWhen it\u2019s good, the ball drops,
\nBut it mostly just stops\u2013
\nAnd I can\u2019t blame the grass or my grip!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Linda Fuller: <\/p>\n

On his shoulder he carries a chip,
\nAnd there’s always a gun on his hip.
\nDon\u2019t mess with this dude
\n\u2019Cause he\u2019s got a real \u2019tude,
\nAnd his sanity\u2019s starting to slip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

He swallowed a silicon chip
\nThat migrated straight to his hip;
\nHe\u2019s now a cool chipster,
\nA solid-state hipster,
\nWith 5G and great broad-band zip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

That platter held nary a chip;
\nThe same could be said for the dip.
\nOur guests had all gone,
\nBut one moment lived on:
\nWhen everyone winced at my quip:<\/p>\n

I did NOT meant to shock when I said,
\n\u201cWe\u2019re having a hard time in bed.\u201d
\nOur mattress \u2013 it sags!
\nNow on Facebook their gags
\nHave phrases like \u201ccame to a head…\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RELAXATION-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I tried jogging, but didn\u2019t get far.
\nI\u2019d rather have taken my car!
\nLong ago, I had zest,
\nBut lately I’m stressed.
\nNow my fav\u2019rite pursuit\u2019s R&R.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

These alternative \u201ctypes\u201d are sheer quacks.
\nTheir \u201cadvice,\u201d said to help folks \u201crelax,\u201d
\n(Like that \u201cmindfulness\u201d crap)
\nMakes me just want to slap
\nThem or lash out in rage with an axe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

Slung my hammock across; tree to tree,
\nAnd unwound with good wine, and some Brie.
\nGentle breeze in my hair;
\nRelaxation, right there!
\nDamn! I need to dash off for a pee.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

After work, I can’t wait to see Judd.
\nHe’s my Pit Bull and very best “bud.”
\nJudd is sweet and so kind,
\nAnd he helps me unwind.
\nAfter snugg’ling, I wash off the blood.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

The William Creek pub draws me nigh.
\nI\u2019ll relax; see Lake Eyre from the sky.
\nThen, my favourite deal, \u2013
\nTheir seven-course meal:
\nIt consists of six beers and a pie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Writing lim’ricks is how I de-stress.
\nWho cares if my house is a mess?
\nI don’t cook; I don’t clean.
\nI ain’t got no routine…
\nExcept for the keys that I press.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cI prefer, when I\u2019m taking my ease,
\nThat I not be disturbed, if you please.
\nWhat I do when alone
\nIn my \u2018man-only\u2019 zone
\nIs protected by laws and decrees.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

There once was a bellhop named Chip
\nWho was helping a guest with her grip.
\nAnd I don\u2019t mean her bag,
\nBut her grasp. Then their shag
\nMeant that SHE was receiving the tip.<\/p>\n

From her job she\u2019d been recently axed;
\nHer anxiety level was maxed.
\nSo she went on a trip,
\nWhere she met handsome Chip.
\nThe result: she\u2019s extremely relaxed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: DEFECT, SMART, VOICE, SHAME, TASTE.)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

In the sciences, letters, and arts
\nShe\u2019s a genius, with scores off the charts.
\nI give voice to this cry:
\n\u201cShe\u2019s much brighter than I!\u201d
\nI\u2019m ashamed to admit that it smarts.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a shame that you choose to decline
\nThis elegant wine from the Rhine.
\nYou say it\u2019s a waste
\nAnd has simply no taste?
\nI\u2019d say that\u2019s your old vintage whine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Linda Fuller: <\/p>\n

Such a shame that he has a nice voice;
\nIntonations that leave you no choice,
\nBut to follow his lead
\nInto every misdeed.
\nSuch a man makes the devil rejoice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

How dare you imply that my voice
\nReveals I don\u2019t own a Rolls Royce!
\nI have such a smart mind.
\nCan\u2019t you tell I\u2019m refined?
\nIn the theater, I\u2019ve played Blanche DuBoyce.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n

I dance and I drink without shame.
\nFor my actions I\u2019m taking no blame.
\nFor at seventy-five,
\nI\u2019m still smart and alive
\nAnd a highly sarcastic old dame.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

The young milkmaid appealed to his taste.
\nHe voiced \u201cDarlin\u2019, yer garter\u2019s unlaced.
\nIt\u2019s defective, you see.
\nLet me fix it for thee.\u201d
\nShe\u2019s straight-laced now, – but no longer chaste.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

When I narrate a lim\u2019rick, my choice
\nIs quite often a \u201cfirst person\u201d voice.
\nIf I could, I would own a
\nMuch smarter persona.
\nThis one\u2019s dumb, but I\u2019ve some that are woise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award<\/a>.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DOUG HARRIS, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The digital gremlins let rip And chewed up my laptop\u2019s old chip. As it draws its last breath With the blue […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5199,4465,3362,5462,5106,5009,5018,3026,5144,5239,5446,5343,5407,3167,5145,487],"class_list":["post-46265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-dale-s-biggs","tag-dave-johnson","tag-doug-harris","tag-gail-white","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-linda-fuller","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-roger-haugen","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46265","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46265"}],"version-history":[{"count":33,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46265\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46325,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46265\/revisions\/46325"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46265"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46265"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46265"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}