{"id":46158,"date":"2022-08-20T16:51:31","date_gmt":"2022-08-20T20:51:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=46158"},"modified":"2022-08-20T19:02:25","modified_gmt":"2022-08-20T23:02:25","slug":"limerick-off-award-499","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/08\/20\/limerick-off-award-499\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (499)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

An imprudent old glutton called Jake
\nAte his way through a hundred ounce steak
\nAnd a bucket of fries
\nOf extravagant size.
\nThey served salad, that\u2019s all, at his wake.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Special BARS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A triangle player called Lars
\nWas cornered by three police cars.
\nSince that car chase from hell,
\nHe now lives in a cell
\nWhere he rests, counting time through the bars.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: SHOP, RUN, NEWS, WARNING, FIRST.<\/p>\n

When I opened a Mom and Pop Shop,
\nFirst my Ma thought it over-the-top.
\nBut then she \u2014 never mirthless \u2014
\nSaid, \u201cFrankly, I\u2019m worthless,
\nBut we\u2019ll ask a good price for your Pop.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Johnston, Terry Marter, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Rudy Landesman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Michael Moulton, Steve Benko,<\/a> Jean McEwen, Gail White, Lydia Porter a\/k\/a Cabbie Monaco,<\/a> and John Davison. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks: <\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRIPLE DUTY DIVISION: STAKE\/STEAK\/MISTAKE-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BAR-THEMED LIMERICKS and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Steve Johnston: <\/p>\n

The warning at first was bad news:
\nAll wine shops might run out of booze.
\nSo much was at stake,
\nThat I rushed out to slake
\nMy thirst at some bars with some brews.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (STEAK or STAKE or MISTAKE-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

I pre-ordered our meal by the lake,
\nBut the restaurant staff need a shake:
\nAsked for fillet (by phone);
\nWhat I got was T-bone.
\nNow the bone of contention\u2019s my steak!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

A gal named Marie Antoinette
\nDidn’t grasp just how bad things could get.
\nWith her noggin at stake
\nShe cried, \u201cLet them eat cake!\u201d
\n\u2019Twas an outburst she came to regret.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

This Haiku-Off’s a real piece of cake.
\nIt’s so easy I have to partake:
\n“Soft rain, winsome day,
\nThe unfolding of May.”
\n(I think I just made a mistake.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The Donald decided to take
\nAll the classified docs, as his stake.
\nIf he ran out of cash,
\nHe could sell the whole stash
\nTo his very good buddy, the Sheikh.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

In Paris I spent all my dough
\nOn a painting by Se\u00f1or Mir\u00f3.
\nBut I made a mistake;
\nDidn\u2019t know \u2019twas a fake.
\nThey spoke French when they said that it\u2019s \u201cfaux.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

Warning signs say I\u2019m old; I feel cursed.
\nYet my mem\u2019ry is not at its worst.
\nIn fact now when I make
\nAny kind of mistake,
\nI can honestly claim it\u2019s my first.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

If your shoulders feel tight and they ache,
\nYou should try the same treatments I take.
\nThe needles are small
\nAnd they don’t hurt at all,
\nIf you like being jabbed with a stake.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton: <\/p>\n

When Pericles, once a young rake,
\nSolved a riddle his life was at stake:
\nIt regarded a king,
\nWhose incestuous fling
\nWas more than the poor prince could take.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\u201cGo ahead, through my heart drive that stake,\u201d
\nSneered the Count; \u201cIt\u2019s so cheap it will break.\u201d
\nVan Helsing replied,
\n\u201cThere\u2019s no need to be snide,
\nAnd it\u2019s daytime \u2014 how come you\u2019re awake?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BARS-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

At “Senior Life,” wow, we’ve come far:
\nOur strip shows are wild and bizarre!
\nWe have sex ev’ry night
\nTill the dawn’s early light.
\nIn our showers, there’s even a bar.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

Diabetics, and this I do know,
\nShould cut out all sugar. And so,
\nGoodbye candy bars!
\nAnd this really scars \u2014
\nMy sweet sugar daddy must go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

An impulsive young fellow named Lars
\nHad a yen for fast women and cars.
\nHe\u2019d no money, the schlub,
\nSo he held up a pub.
\nNow he\u2019ll spend three to five behind bars.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

Couldn\u2019t sleep (I\u2019d tried counting the stars.)
\nMusic worked \u2019cause it drowned-out the cars.
\nBut I woke with a start
\nWhen, before the best part,
\nIt just stopped, \u2013 after thirty one bars.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

“We are no longer called “Pub McGee.”
\nSorry patrons, the news is that we
\nHave lost our permit.
\nAll the bartenders quit,
\nAnd our new name is “BYOB.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

To hear sad-sacks and hapless bums croon,
\nThe best place is your local saloon.
\nFor a moderate cost
\nYou yourself can get sauced
\nAnd then belt out your own maudlin tune.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gail White: <\/p>\n

All the cool writers hang out in bars
\nWith the painters and big movie stars,
\nBut I and my friends
\nWhen the night\u2019s drinking ends
\nSit in subways and strum our guitars.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

Mad is looking around for a pun;
\nGeez, I hope I can come up with one…
\n\u201cGuy walks into a bar,
\nBreaks his nose \u2014 hardy har!\u201d
\nAh, voila! Now my day\u2019s work is done.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION — “SHOP, RUN, NEWS, WARNING, FIRST”)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

“I’m your hostess, and please be aware:
\nIn our ‘First Class’ you’ll get special care.
\nI have warned those in “coach”
\nThat each snack has a roach,
\nAnd they all have to pee at O’Hare.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

See us first when you want to buy weed!
\nOurs is best, as you\u2019ll gladly concede.
\nIf you want to get high,
\nMy fine missus and I
\nRun the mom-and-pop pot shop you need.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

On the news we\u2019re warned, \u201cCarry a mask\u201d
\nAnd a gun, in case shopping\u2019s your task.
\nBut for me the best way,
\nTo keep worries at bay,
\nIs, quite simply, to carry a flask.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lydia Porter a\/k\/a Cabbie Monaco:<\/p>\n

When I was a kid I drank pop
\nThat I bought from the local sweet-shop.
\nBack home I would run
\n\u2019Cos I thought it was fun
\nWhen the fizz popped the cap off the top.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

“Oh, Mom I have wonderful news!
\nI\u2019ll never again sing the blues.
\nI hit a home run,
\nAnd the other team won.
\nBut ours was the FIRST one to lose.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Davison: <\/p>\n

If I buy too much stuff in the shop,
\nThere’s a risk that some items I’ll drop;
\nAs I’m frequently cursed,
\nThe eggs will fall first,
\nThen I’ll sheepishly ask for a mop.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve lost facts that my brain has mislaid,
\nLet run dry, or repressed, or made fade.
\nSo it seems kind of lame,
\nThat it still stores the name
\nOf the teacher I had in first grade.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/a><\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: An imprudent old glutton called Jake Ate his way through a hundred ounce steak And a bucket of fries Of extravagant […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,5462,5106,5555,5009,5018,5144,6380,5463,3621,5446,5343,5080,6352,5407,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-46158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-gail-white","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-john-davison","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-lydia-porter","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-mike-moulton","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-benko","tag-steve-johnston","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46158"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46158\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46201,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46158\/revisions\/46201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}