{"id":45991,"date":"2022-07-23T16:30:13","date_gmt":"2022-07-23T20:30:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45991"},"modified":"2022-07-24T18:01:32","modified_gmt":"2022-07-24T22:01:32","slug":"limerick-off-award-498","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/07\/23\/limerick-off-award-498\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (498)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this crafty 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Penny glared at the \u201cfood\u201d on her plate.
\n\u201cAre you trying to make me lose weight?\u201d
\nShe inquired of her guy.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s not fit for a sty!
\nAs a drain cleaner, though, it\u2019s first-rate.\u201d<\/p>\n

Harry knew he\u2019d been properly chaffed.
\n\u201cI guess cooking\u2019s beyond me!\u201d he laughed.
\nHe escaped Penny\u2019s glare
\nWhen he learned to prepare
\nMac and cheese sold in boxes by Kraft.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Special CRAFT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

A comedical poet of note,
\nOn the subject of lim\u2019ricks once wrote:
\n\u201cCall it craft, call it art,
\nMe, I don\u2019t give a fart.
\nDo whichever it is floats your boat.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: COMPLAINT CELL FORBID QUIRKY BOIL. (It’s also also a CRAFT-Themed limerick.<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

The motif I designed very well
\nIs a smash with my rich clientele.
\nHaven\u2019t heard one complaint!
\nAnd I\u2019ve named it, \u201cThe Quaint
\nMartha Stewart Traditional Cell.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Steve Johnston, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Steve Benko,<\/a> Bob Turvey, Michael Moulton, Byron Miller, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Trevor Alexander, Rudy Landesman, Richard Campbell,<\/a> Dane Paulsen, Tim James, Robert Martinez, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Woodstock Taylor<\/a>, and Christophe Gowans<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: PLATE-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

A gal with a braid long and straight,
\nWho desired a twist more ornate,
\nDressed her tresses with bling
\n(A new wave, quirky thing),
\nThen complained, \u201cI\u2019ve too much on my plait!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: CRAFT-THEMED LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Steve Johnston: <\/p>\n

In his cell they forbid pastel paint,
\nBut the artsy con curbs his complaint.
\nHis blood\u2019s at a boil,
\nYet he will not roil.
\nHe\u2019s quirky, but whiner he ain\u2019t.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PLATE-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

The waitress I wanted to date
\nTripped and fell in my lap. (It was fate.)
\n“You saved me!” she said.
\nThe first thought in my head?
\n“She’s been handed to me on a plate.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Oh, what an imposing estate!
\nIt’s in very good taste, yet ornate.
\nWe drank wine from Lalique.
\nThe sterling was chic.
\nAnd each guest had a posh paper plate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you leave any food on your plate,
\nYou will suffer a terrible fate,\u201d
\nSaid the parents. \u201cOkay,\u201d
\nThe boy answered, \u201cBut hey,
\nAs to sins, did you know I\u2019m not straight?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

There was a young fellow named Bunn
\nWho was shot in the head with a gun.
\nA large metal plate
\nCaused the pain to abate
\nAnd made airport security fun.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

The Queen (bless her heart) was irate
\nWhen she saw Emsley\u2019s portrait of Kate;
\nWith the paint hardly dry,
\nShe let out a cry:
\n\u201cI\u2019ll have that man\u2019s head on a plate!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

The amount he had piled on his plate,
\nMade some \u201call you can eat\u201d guests irate.
\nOnce his meal had been tabled,
\nChit-chat was disabled:
\nHis dinner had hidden his date.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

At the trendy new place where we ate,
\nFood was served on a board, or a slate,
\nOr a piece of rare vinyl,
\nOr old cracked urinal,
\nOr anything else but a plate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Trevor Alexander:<\/p>\n

In a chat with my long-time best mate
\nWho\u2019d a penchant for putting on weight,
\nI confided I felt
\nThat he\u2019d be rather svelte
\nIf he ate from a much smaller plate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CRAFT-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Steve Benko: <\/p>\n

\u201cWe think women do witchcraft in Salem,\u201d
\nSaid the mayor. \u201cWe find \u2019em and nail \u2019em.\u201d
\nThe Supreme Court rejoined,
\n\u201cWomen\u2019s rights we\u2019ve purloined!\u201d
\nAnd a mullah just shrugged, \u201cHere, we veil \u2019em.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

I sought help from a clown of renown.
\n\u201cMy jokes,\u201d I said, \u201cmake people frown.\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cNobody laughed?
\nYou should first hone your craft.
\nAnd then you must dumb your jokes down.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Johnston:<\/p>\n

On hearing my warning, they laughed:
\n“You silly twit, you must be daft.
\nThere is no need to panic!
\nWe\u2019re on the Titanic.
\nNo iceberg can threaten this craft!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

To my Craftsman-style house came a \u201ccrafter,\u201d
\nPaid to tear down a rotted old rafter.
\nI asked, \u201cLoad-bearing wall?\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cToo soon to call.
\nBut no worries \u2014 I\u2019ll let you know after.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Richard Campbell:<\/p>\n

Some say lim\u2019ricks are simple to craft.
\nBut those folks are decidedly daft.
\nIt\u2019s so easy to goof,
\nAnd I\u2019ll proffer as proof:
\nThis last line was my seventeenth draft.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dane Paulsen:<\/p>\n

Carving models \u2013 a difficult craft;
\nI wanted to cry, but just laughed
\nWhen I lost a firm grip
\nAnd I caused chisel-slip,
\nTurning sailing ship into a raft.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Said a crafty investor named Schmidt
\n(Who had dabbled in crypto a bit):
\n\u201cIt\u2019s the ol\u2019 pump-and-dump \u2014
\nLast guy in is a chump \u2014
\nBut for now it\u2019s still semi-legit.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Using witchcraft is no longer fun.
\nI’ve promised myself that I’m done.
\nNo more casting love spells
\nIn those sleazy motels;
\nDoesn’t work, the men see me and run.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Martinez:<\/p>\n

Whether boat or a raft or pontoon,
\nI can shrug off the fiercest typhoon.
\nHell, just give me a plank;
\nYour ass I’ll still spank
\nIn a sailing race to Cameroon.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

In the lane-way, the art-n-craft gallery
\nIs a \u2018front\u2019 for the hot hooker (Valerie.)
\nIt\u2019s well known: \u2018Backstreet Vally\u2019
\nLures men up her alley;
\nThey\u2019re the real source of Valerie\u2019s salary.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko: <\/p>\n

My limerick writing\u2019s a craft;
\nI work hard on them, draft after draft.
\nOne night a bad dream
\nMade me wake up and scream;
\nAt my entries, Mad Kane hadn\u2019t laughed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

Old Noah was not at all daft
\nIn the way that he loaded his craft,
\nTaking trouble to store
\nBoth the lions to the fore,
\nAnd the zebras and antelopes aft.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

There are those who would never complain,
\nShould the Other Guy\u2019s future domain,
\nBe a place with a lock \u2014
\nOne small cell in a block \u2014
\nAn apt tribute, perhaps, to his brain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

He managed in prison quite well
\nAnd he soon learned to cope in his cell.
\nSome things they forbid
\nAnd those things he hid…
\nBut just where, I would rather not tell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The hooker used terms that were quirky:
\nStraight sex became \u201cStuffing the Turkey.\u201d
\nA hand-job (how quaint!)
\nShe called \u201cPortnoy\u2019s Complaint,\u201d
\nAnd a blow-job she sold as \u201cBeef Jerky.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

I am not really one to complain,
\nBut cell phones may drive me insane:
\nUnusable apps
\nAnd connections that lapse;
\nMy land line\u2019s a must to retain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My complaint is: my gal has a quirk.
\nIt\u2019s her mood; it can change with a jerk.
\nShe transitions with ease
\nFrom a boil to a freeze.
\nKeeping up is a whole lot of work!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Woodstock Taylor:<\/p>\n

Dear Customer Care – a complaint:
\nA functional cell phone this ain’t.
\nAnd heaven forbid
\nIt should do what it did
\nIn the ad – that would be just too quaint!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Christophe Gowans:<\/p>\n

Now, a quirky young inmate called Doyle
\nHad a nasty complaint: a big boil.
\nMedics said “Bloody hell!”
\nSent him back to his cell
\nAnd forbade him from selling the “oil.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

He gets word in his cell (on home soil), –
\nHis exub\u2019rance, now starting to boil:
\nThe proud father to be
\nIs in Brooklyn (you see)
\nAnd yells out to the world \u201cIt\u2019s a Goil!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Pure and pious was Pete as a kid \u2014
\nNever sinned like the other boys did.
\nSo he had no complaint,
\nOn becoming a Saint,
\nAnd enjoyed saying, \u201cHeaven forbid!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this crafty 2-verse limerick: Tim James: Penny glared at the \u201cfood\u201d on her plate. \u201cAre you trying to make me lose weight?\u201d She inquired […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,2578,6354,5830,4465,5009,5018,4526,5463,3621,5399,5046,6366,5446,5343,5080,6352,5407,3167,6231,6353,487,523],"class_list":["post-45991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-bob-turvey","tag-brian-allgar","tag-byron-miller","tag-christophe-gowans","tag-dane-paulsen","tag-dave-johnson","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-mike-moulton","tag-paul-haebig","tag-richard-campbell","tag-robert-martinez","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-benko","tag-steve-johnston","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-trevor-alexander","tag-woodstock-taylor","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45991"}],"version-history":[{"count":36,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45991\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":46093,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45991\/revisions\/46093"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}