{"id":45902,"date":"2022-06-25T16:30:22","date_gmt":"2022-06-25T20:30:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45902"},"modified":"2022-06-25T16:49:56","modified_gmt":"2022-06-25T20:49:56","slug":"limerick-off-award-497","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/06\/25\/limerick-off-award-497\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (497)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to MIKE YOUNG, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

My grandchildren gave me a hoe.
\nHow to use it? I just did not know.
\nSo I went to the wall,
\nGave my neighbor a call.
\nThe result? A splendiferous show.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to GAIL WHITE, who wins the Special TRICK-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Said a priest when the charges were laid
\nThat he sinned a deal more than he prayed:
\n\u201cI screw choirboys, yes,
\nBut each night I confess \u2014
\nIt\u2019s one of the tricks of my trade.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: FAIL LOUD POP LAWYER SACK.<\/p>\n

You’ll never know how I miss Pop.
\nI would sit on his lap and go “plop,”
\nTill his pacemaker failed.
\nWith his last breath he wailed:
\n“You’re 30 years old, dammit! Stop!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Rudy Landesman, Jean McEwen, Tim James, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Gail White, and Mark Totterdell<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: SHOW-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TRICKS-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

One magician, a consummate pro,
\nBrought the house down. (But where did it go?)
\nBoth his top hat and hare
\nVanished into thin air…
\nAnd he ended up stealing the show.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOW-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

He discredited all former theses
\nThat dealt with the birth of our species.
\nDarwin managed to show
\nEvolution is slow.
\nOther stories are simply bull feces.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

The basset hound won best in show,
\nAlthough wanting in \u201cget up and go,\u201d
\nWhich had long gone and went.
\nHe got points for his scent.
\n(Though he stinks, when he sniffs he\u2019s a pro.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She seduced me (oh boy, what a show)
\nBy removing her clothes nice and slow.
\nI believed she was drawn
\nBy my good looks and brawn;
\nLater on I found out she\u2019s a pro.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

After fun in the back seat with Flo,
\nHe drives back to his flat all aglow.
\nThen he goes home on Sund\u2019ys
\nWhen Mum washes undies…
\nAnd prays that the stain doesn\u2019t show.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

Now the deadline\u2019s approaching! Oh no!
\nI so wanted to give it a go,
\nBut my time\u2019s running out
\nAnd I really do doubt
\nIf I\u2019ll have something decent to show.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRICKS-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

My husband, “The Great Backwards Abbott”
\nHas one very curious habit:
\nIn his magic act, he
\nWill count, “five, four, three,”
\nThen pull a hat out of a rabbit.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul Haebig: <\/p>\n

He has a set type, my friend Ben:
\nHe\u2019s always preferred older men.
\nA silver-haired guy
\nPuts a gleam in his eye;
\nSoon he\u2019s up to his old tricks again!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

Though the conjurer\u2019s tricks are so neat,
\nHis assistant just can\u2019t make ends meet.
\nBut he\u2019s taught her a lot,
\nAnd she really is hot,
\nSo she\u2019s out turning tricks on the street.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The madam has one place to look
\nAnd find each appointment she took.
\nHer ledger has all
\nOf the clients who call;
\nShe knows ev\u2019ry trick in the book.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A magician revealed an old trick:
\n\u201cWhen you\u2019re sawing up ladies, be quick!
\nIf you dawdle when you
\nCut assistants in two,
\nThen one half will be calling in sick.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

What\u2019s a bed trick? You hop into bed
\nFor a roll with your squeeze. But instead,
\nSomeone\u2019s pulled off a switch.
\nYou can\u2019t tell (that\u2019s the hitch.)
\nYou\u2019ve been badly mislaid and misled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

A failed lawyer lived under a cloud
\nWith a noisy pop-art-loving crowd.
\nHe was caught with a sack,
\nStealing shirts (from a rack),
\nAll with colors excessively loud.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

Since the walls were so thin in our shack,
\nI could hear Mom and Pop in the sack.
\nShe\u2019d say loudly, \u201cGo slow!\u201d
\nOr, \u201cNot there \u2014 that\u2019s too low!\u201d
\n(He must have been scratching her back.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

A beat cop was given the sack
\nCause he kept popping out for a snack,
\nScarfing doughnuts and pie.
\nThen he failed to grasp why
\nIn a foot chase he couldn\u2019t do jack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

While hauling a grocery sack,
\nA loud pop had me taken aback.
\nThat plastic bag\u2019s fail
\nMade my blood pressure sail;
\nA lawyer\u2019s about to attack.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n

My marriage is going off track,
\nAnd I can’t get a single dime back
\nOn the settlements signed
\nWhen with love I was blind…
\nSo I’m giving my lawyer the sack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A guy in the sack with his Momma,
\nAfter killing his Pop may be drama;
\nBut the tale of Oed Rex
\nWasn\u2019t all that complex…
\nUntil Freud turned it into a trauma.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MIKE YOUNG, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: My grandchildren gave me a hoe. How to use it? I just did not know. So I went to the wall, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,5462,5106,5009,5018,4526,5463,6309,5399,5446,5343,5407,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-45902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-gail-white","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-mike-young","tag-paul-haebig","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45902","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45902"}],"version-history":[{"count":37,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45902\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45982,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45902\/revisions\/45982"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45902"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45902"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45902"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}