{"id":45789,"date":"2022-05-28T02:34:34","date_gmt":"2022-05-28T06:34:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45789"},"modified":"2022-05-28T16:49:48","modified_gmt":"2022-05-28T20:49:48","slug":"limerick-off-award-496","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/05\/28\/limerick-off-award-496\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (496)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick. (It’s a Triple-Duty Limerick: WIRE-Rhyming, WATER-Themed, and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick, which uses each of the five designated Random Words: RETIRE, ARROGANT, MISCREANT, SHOES, and THINK.)<\/p>\n

I shoe horses all day with my daughter,
\nAn arrogant, miscreant plotter.
\n\u201cDad, it\u2019s down to the wire\u2014
\nI\u2019m ready\u2014retire!\u201d
\nI think she has led me to water.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the WATER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

Dodging storms at the ‘Trots’ with her daughter,
\nHer need for a loo really caught\u2019er.
\nSo she raced her own tush
\nPast the crowd, to a bush…
\nBut her tush only passed wind and water.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the “RANDOM WORD GENERATOR” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: RETIRE, ARROGANT, MISCREANT, SHOES, THINK.<\/p>\n

That old woman who lived in a shoe
\nHad a miscreant son with her who
\nWas a heel (damn his sole)
\nAnd who couldn\u2019t control
\nHis sharp tongue. With my shoe puns I\u2019m through.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Linda A. C. Fuller, Terry Marter, James Graff, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Steve Dufour, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Fred Bortz<\/a>,
\nBob Turvey, Konrad Schwoerke, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dane Paulsen,
\nDavid Friedman, Tony Holmes, Doug Harris, and Gail White. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: (Water-Themed, and Random Word Generator Limerick)<\/p>\n

When I wade into streams just to potter,
\nAnd then carelessly trample an otter,
\nWhat\u2019s my arrogant wish?
\nIt\u2019s to not feel the squish.
\nSo I always wear shoes under water.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Linda A. C. Fuller: (Wire-Rhymed, and Random Word Generator Limerick)<\/p>\n

An arrogant miscreant thought
\nHe could sell drugs and never get caught.
\nBut a treacherous buyer
\nWas wearing a wire;
\nNow prison\u2019s the reprobate\u2019s lot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WIRE”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

The soprano just cancelled, it\u2019s dire:
\nShe\u2019s ill and can\u2019t sing with our choir.
\nWe\u2019ll use Tenor Jim Rawls
\nAnd hook-up his balls,
\nUsing two-forty Volts and some wire.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

James Graff:<\/p>\n

If there’s one thing I really admire,
\nIt’s a man who can walk the high wire.
\nBut I’ll watch from below
\nAs he puts on his show…
\nAnd pray that he won’t take a flyer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Seeing birds perched on high in a throng,
\nMakes me question how things went so wrong:
\nOne bird-brained desire
\nTo sit on a wire,
\nAnd the rest of them all strung along?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

The Donald was strumming a wire
\nOn a banjo; his playing was dire.
\n\u201cHey, I know that you think
\nAs a player I stink,
\nBut I\u2019m great when I\u2019m playing the lyre.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Said the king to his court: \u201cIt\u2019s been said
\nMy queen\u2019s chastity belt has been shed
\n\u2019Cause my handsome young squire
\nPicked the lock with a wire.
\nNow he can\u2019t give no head with no head.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Dufour:<\/p>\n

This world is connected by wire.
\nInformation spreads much like a fire.
\nBut some of it\u2019s fake,
\nSo care we must take;
\nWe mustn’t enable a liar.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell: <\/p>\n

A wire-walker, starting to tire,
\nTook a tumble while walking the wire,
\nWhich he landed astride
\nWith a leg on each side.
\nNow soprano\u2019s his part in the choir.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

The news on the right-winger’s wire
\nTurned Jacob to climate denier.
\nI told him to “can it”
\nLest we send our planet
\nFrom frying pan into the fire.<\/p>\n

Alas, he reacts like a sucker
\nTo all that he’s hearing from Tucker.
\nJake’s biggest mistake:
\n“Climate science is fake!”
\nI lament for that poor m—f—er.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WATER-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

On my bottle it says \u201cIt\u2019s still water.\u201d
\nThis annoys me much more that it oughta.
\nI stare at the label
\nAnd think, \u201cIs it able
\nTo change into something like porter?\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

There\u2019s this marvelous liquid I\u2019ve found;
\nIt\u2019s called water. Its uses abound!
\nIt cleans me and my clothes,
\nAnd it works, I suppose,
\nAs a drink if there\u2019s no booze around.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke: <\/p>\n

The new hot tub holds two million liters,
\nAnd is warmed by some nuclear heaters,
\nPlus the water is wetter\u2014
\nYes, ev\u2019rything\u2019s better
\nAt the home for old liars and cheaters.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

I was filming bull sharks (and some blues),
\nSaw Trump fall overboard from his cruise.
\nShould\u2019ve phoned 911,
\nBut my ego said \u201cSon, –
\nJust keep filming, – and then call the news.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dane Paulsen:<\/p>\n

My golf drive requires a spotter;
\nMy ball always flies towards the water.
\nI try not to fret,
\nBut my golf shoes get wet.
\nAnd the wetter I get, well \u2013 the hotter.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

\nWe were finally on the right track.
\nCouldn’t wait to see dear uncle Jack.
\nThen I screamed, “Bill, look there!
\nSomething says, “Please Beware!
\nIf this sign’s under water, turn back!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“RANDOM WORDS GENERATOR” LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder says: <\/p>\n

My pup, Pavlov, hates bones, eschews stews;
\nHe\u2019s conditioned, instead, to eat shoes.
\nI will cry, \u201cNot the Prada!\u201d
\nHe\u2019ll hear, \u201cYada yada,\u201d
\nThinking, \u201cWhere are those new Jimmy Chews?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman: <\/p>\n

I think you\u2019ll recall, if you choose,
\nImelda with all of her shoes
\n(And her miscreant spouse,
\nThe arrogant louse.)
\nShe’s retired; her son\u2019s now the news.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cI was once in your shoes,\u201d said McGuire.
\n“Just an arrogant ‘pistol for hire.’
\nGetting shot made me think,
\nSo, I saw me a shrink,
\nWho said, \u2018Miscreants, too, can retire.\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

If shoes had the power to talk,
\nI might ask what they thought of a walk.
\n\u201cWell, we\u2019re likely to groan
\nTill you lose a few stone…
\nThis is YOUR postulation\u2014don\u2019t gawk!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n

The arrogant miscreant\u2019s shoes
\nWere covered in vomit and booze.
\nWe wish he\u2019d retire
\nAnd think to aspire
\nTo a long interplanet\u2019ry cruise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n

When I noticed a mouse in my bed,
\n\u201cRetire, you miscreant!\u201d I said,
\nSo it hid in my shoes
\nWhere at present I choose
\nTo support it with small bits of bread.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell: <\/p>\n

He\u2019s an arrogant, miscreant liar,
\nAnd we think that his pants are on fire,
\nHe\u2019s so hard to excuse,
\nFrom his hair to his shoes.
\nHow we wish our PM would retire!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

The miscreant\u2019s choice to retire
\nWas confirmed when he plundered the shire:
\nDragged his sack o\u2019er a fence;
\nSnagged his \u2018other\u2019 sac; hence,
\nHis voice is now two octaves higher.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick. (It’s a Triple-Duty Limerick: WIRE-Rhyming, WATER-Themed, and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick, which uses each of the five designated Random Words: RETIRE, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,5830,5187,3362,3523,5462,6298,2538,5009,5018,3026,4526,5463,5343,6297,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-45789","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-bob-turvey","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dane-paulsen","tag-david-friedman","tag-doug-harris","tag-fred-bortz","tag-gail-white","tag-james-graff","tag-konrad-schwoerke","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-linda-fuller","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-dufour","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45789"}],"version-history":[{"count":44,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45789\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45872,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45789\/revisions\/45872"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}