{"id":45746,"date":"2022-05-14T16:20:30","date_gmt":"2022-05-14T20:20:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45746"},"modified":"2022-05-14T16:51:09","modified_gmt":"2022-05-14T20:51:09","slug":"limerick-off-award-495","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/05\/14\/limerick-off-award-495\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (495)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny three-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

\nA (young) woman who lived in a shoe
\nKnew perfectly well what to do:
\nTo fulfill her kids’ needs,
\nShe’d resort to misdeeds —
\nPetty theft; yes, and shoplifting, too.<\/p>\n

To ensure that she wouldn’t get caught,
\nShe dissembled far more than she ought;
\nBut she grew so distressed
\nThat, at last, she confessed
\nTo the Chief of Police — who’d have thought?<\/p>\n

The old Chief looked her over and said,
\n“You’re both lovely and clever. Let’s wed!
\nI’ll forgive your… invention.”
\nShe voiced no dissension…
\nNow she gets his pension. (He’s dead.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special INVENTIONS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The invention of Alex Graham Bell
\nHas devolved so that some users dwell
\nIn its internet pit
\nOf lies, rancor, and shit.
\nIt is called the Ninth Circle of Cell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Linda A. C. Fuller, Konrad Schwoerke, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Jean McEwen, Randolph Wagner, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Fred Bortz,<\/a> and Joe Williams.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DEEDS or MISDEEDS”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A tennis pro known for misdeeds,
\nWith an ego that fame often breeds,
\nDisrespected his sport \u2014
\nSowed wild oats on the court!
\nHe\u2019s the worst of some really bad seeds.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Linda A. C. Fuller:<\/p>\n

The widow reclined in her weeds,
\nWhile savoring former misdeeds:
\nHer husband she\u2019d killed,
\nHis kidneys she\u2019d grilled,
\nAnd then served up with sesame seeds.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

I look through the lens of my time
\nAnd see much we might now call a crime.
\nWere they really misdeeds
\nOr just differing creeds?
\nI don\u2019t know, but I got it to rhyme.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

He\u2019s the shittiest shit in creation,
\nQuite the worst of a bad generation,
\nWith a nature that leads
\nTo appalling misdeeds,
\nSo he ended up leading the nation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

A judge performs critical deeds
\nAccording to ethical creeds.
\nHe’s the one who sets bail.
\nHe can send you to jail.
\nAnd he asks lots of “how do you pleads?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

I have found that committing misdeeds,
\nWhen done artfully, often succeeds.
\nThose who mindlessly swallow
\nRules other folks follow
\nJust forfeit, alas, their own needs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Randy Wagner:<\/p>\n

The conjugal date that Will made
\nFor last night had been badly misplayed.
\nAs the darkness recedes,
\nHe discovers misdeeds
\nWere performed on the maid he’d mislaid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re imposing a no shilly-shally ban,\u201d
\nSays America\u2019s own home-grown Taliban.
\nOn this vilest of deeds,
\nThe signature reads
\n\u201cS. Alito,\u201d as monstrous as Caliban.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A real estate fraudster named Leeds
\nSaid, \u201cThe greed of my marks suits my needs.
\nI sold five diff\u2019rent ducks
\nTampa swampland, the schmucks!\u201d
\nHere endeth this tale of fowl deeds.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cOn the whole, I am really quite nice.
\nAnd am almost a stranger to vice.
\nNot for me the misdeeds
\nThat true naughtiness breeds.
\nJust a bit, now and then, to add spice.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INVENTIONS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

The inventor of Autocorrect
\nHas died; he deserves our respect,
\nCuz he taught us to spell
\nAnd he did it so well:
\nThe funnel’s at ate. I have chekked.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

My invention, I’m told, is quite keen:
\nIt bumps pols who are thuggish and mean.
\nBut it knows how to spare
\nThose with hearts, who do care —
\nIt’s a “Vote Democratic!” machine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

The outcome was nearly the worst.
\nThe inventor believed he was cursed.
\nAll his high hopes were smashed
\nWhen his vehicle crashed.
\nHe should have invented brakes first.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Randy Wagner:<\/p>\n

Said Bach to young Madam Beauvais,
\n“Allow me to play, if I may,
\nA sweet two-part invention.”
\n(He chose not to mention
\n‘Twould be contrapuntal foreplay.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Said a man to be judged by St. Pete:
\n\u201cLet me pass through these gates, I entreat.
\nI belong here, it\u2019s clear;
\nI invented light beer!\u201d
\nHe got sent to The Bad Place, tout de suite.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cEdison, turn on a light.\u201d
\nShe asked Orville, \u201cYou fancy a flight?\u201d
\nIt\u2019s that very same Muse
\nSome inventors abuse,
\nWho told Franklin to \u201cGo fly a kite.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Joe Williams:<\/p>\n

I wonder what kind of inventor
\nWas first to invent a placenta,
\nAnd which did decide
\nIt is best when it\u2019s fried,
\nWith a side of delicious polenta.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

It was me who invented sham pain.
\nAs an addict, I\u2019d always complain
\nTo the docs in the hope
\nThey’d prescribe me some dope.
\nI\u2019m just kidding, my drug was cocaine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

The greatest invention’s a chip,
\nSo I pack some for ev-er-y trip.
\nThe wheel was okay
\nIn many a way.
\nBut it doesn’t pair well with a dip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

The wheel is a wondrous invention,
\nBut the barrel\u2019s my choice for ascension.
\nThere\u2019s its round, bulbous shape,
\nAnd a bottom to scrape,
\nPlus it\u2019s fun due to monkey retention.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny three-verse limerick: A (young) woman who lived in a shoe Knew perfectly well what to do: To fulfill her kids’ needs, She’d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,3523,5106,6261,2538,5009,5018,3026,5144,5463,4763,5052,5343,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45746"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45746"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45746\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45776,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45746\/revisions\/45776"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45746"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45746"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45746"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}