{"id":45593,"date":"2022-04-16T16:36:48","date_gmt":"2022-04-16T20:36:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45593"},"modified":"2022-04-16T16:47:32","modified_gmt":"2022-04-16T20:47:32","slug":"limerick-off-award-493","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/04\/16\/limerick-off-award-493\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (493)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

After viewing the faces of those
\nGod created, authorities chose,
\nNot the Cyclops, but Man,
\nTo reflect the Grand Plan.
\nAnd the eyes did outnumber the nose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to GENNADIY GURARIY, who wins the Special SECURITY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

One evening a thief tried his best
\nTo break through the lock on my chest.
\nI yelled, \u201cyou\u2019ll get shot!\u201d
\nAnd aimed the red dot,
\nBut then let my cats do the rest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Randolph Wagner, Tony Holmes, Gennadiy Gurariy, Doug Harris, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, Fred Bortz,<\/a> David Friedman, Sharon Neeman, and Lisi Nortman Ardissone. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cNOSE or KNOWS or NOES\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SECURITY LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

Putting lips near my ear with such surety,
\nShe mind-read my thoughts of impurity:
\n\u201cForget all your prose;
\nI got nothin\u2019 but Noes,
\nSo zip it, or I\u2019ll call Security.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“NOSE or KNOWS or NOES”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Randolph Wagner: <\/p>\n

A harlot removed all her clothes
\nAnd remarked, \u201cFella, here\u2019s how it goes:
\nLet my breasts, butt, and thighs
\nBe a feast for your eyes,
\nBut one touch and you\u2019ll pay through the nose.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes: <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, your conk is patrician. It shows
\nYou have breeding: it\u2019s more than a nose.
\nFrom your soles to your head,
\nYou\u2019re a true thoroughbred.
\nAnd another sure sign is six toes.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gennadiy Gurariy: <\/p>\n

The body’s a palace of woes:
\nSome think that the pit of the toes
\nIs the messiest spot,
\nBut I think it\u2019s snot
\nAnd must, in all truth, pick the nose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n

Pinocchio\u2019s (honestly) grows,
\nAnd Rudolph\u2019s consistently glows.
\nWhile Jimmy Durante
\nIn width upped the ante,
\nCyrano de Bergerac knows.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve a theory I wish to propose,
\nAs did Stein with \u201ca rose is a rose\u201d:
\nA snout and a sniffer
\nAnd whiffer may differ,
\nBut a nose is a nose is a nose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke: <\/p>\n

Folks like Trump are America\u2019s foes.
\nThese damned know-nothings cause us great woes,
\nWith their vicious opinions
\nAnd vacuous minions.
\nI\u2019d rather be led by the \u201cknows.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

My limerick muse comes and goes.
\nHow to keep her around, no one knows.
\nWhen she goes on the lam,
\nI can\u2019t rhyme worth a damn.
\nI should think about sticking to prose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz, for his two-verse “If Larry David wrote a certain 1960s situation comedy”:<\/p>\n

Samantha would wiggle her nose
\nWhenever she needed new clothes.
\nBut most times that she twitched
\nOn the sitcom Bewitched,
\nNew troubles for Darrin arose.<\/p>\n

She was taught by her mother, Endora,
\nWho learned from her mother before her
\nHow to raise Holy Hell
\nBy casting a spell
\nWith the Yiddish phrase, “Oy! Keinehora!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SECURITY-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION) <\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

Though I type at a reas\u2019nable pace,
\nAnd slow-ly-put password in place,
\nThe computer says “No.”
\nBut I\u2019m RIGHT! (I checked \u201cShow.\u201d)
\nBut apparently, that\u2019s not the CASE!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman: <\/p>\n

The locks that Lynn keeps all about
\nWould keep her secure, there\u2019s no doubt.
\n\u201cThey don\u2019t,\u201d giggles Lynn,
\n\u201cStop men getting in;
\nI use them so men can\u2019t get out!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

My mother was terribly strict,
\nLocked me in when I dared contradict \u2013
\nTill a crook down the block
\nGave poor Mom such a shock,
\nWhen he proved that my “lock” could be picked.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

In our neighborhood, there have been four
\nSneaky break-ins, and ev’ryone’s sore.
\nBut calm we remain,
\nCuz our kids and Great Dane
\nThrow Legos all over the floor.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

He invested his savings in stock,
\nAnd now he is deeply in hock.
\nOur language is funny
\nWhen speaking of money.
\nSecurities? What a huge crock!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

A man who owned gold and would hide it
\n(always fearful that others had spied it),
\nDug a hole six feet deep,
\nWhere his treasure would keep.
\nIn the end he was buried beside it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: After viewing the faces of those God created, authorities chose, Not the Cyclops, but Man, To reflect the Grand Plan. And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5187,3362,3523,5691,2538,5009,5018,4526,4763,5052,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45593"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45593"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45593\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45643,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45593\/revisions\/45643"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45593"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45593"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45593"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}