{"id":45527,"date":"2022-04-02T17:21:07","date_gmt":"2022-04-02T21:21:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45527"},"modified":"2022-04-02T17:47:52","modified_gmt":"2022-04-02T21:47:52","slug":"limerick-off-award-492","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/04\/02\/limerick-off-award-492\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (492)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u2018Time heals every wound?\u2019 That\u2019s unreal!
\nQuite the opposite\u2019s more how I feel.
\nAs I limp down life\u2019s highways
\nAnd hobble down byways,
\nIt\u2019s more like \u2018time wounds every heel.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to PAUL HAEBIG, who wins the Special FLIGHT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A strange silhouette in the sky;
\nA rustling of wings from on high.
\nNot angels divine,
\nBut migrating swine \u2013
\nThose pigs finally learned how to fly!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jean McEwen, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Bruce Meyer, Linda Fuller, Gennadiy Gurariy, Terry Marter, Tim James, Byron Miller, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, David Friedman, Tony Holmes, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“HEEL or HEAL”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

Horrid Hank\u2019s a contemptible heel,
\nUnlike Shane, who\u2019s a hapless Shlemiel.
\nSo when Hank, as a prank,
\nOn a lark, robs a bank,
\nHe gets Shane to take blame for the steal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Short commands to her \u201cpit\u201d keep things real,
\nWhen that bell on her porch starts to peal.
\nFor the cops, she says, \u201cSit\u201d \u2014
\nFor the repo man, \u201cShit!\u201d
\nWhen her ex comes around she yells, \u201cHeel!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce Meyer:<\/p>\n

I wait for my Limerick muse,
\nAnd suspect he is hitting the booze.
\nI do think that he’ll
\nIgnore my appeal,
\nSo I’ll enter, expecting to lose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Linda A. C. Fuller:<\/p>\n

Jill\u2019s husband had lost his appeal
\nWhen he started to gamble and steal.
\nJack, barely five seven;
\nJill, five foot eleven
\nBegan to look down at the heel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gennadiy Gurariy:<\/p>\n

My dog didn\u2019t see the appeal
\nOf trying to learn how to heel.
\nBut soon he got over
\nHis fears and now Rover
\nShows off his stilettos with zeal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve one leg, and hunt, danger\u2019s real.
\nHere\u2019s a safety idea with appeal:
\nTo avoid your own end
\nTake a very slow friend
\nFor when wild bears are hot on your heel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

He\u2019s a \u201changing judge,\u201d many folks feel,
\nAnd a bit of a punitive heel.
\nHe\u2019ll convict in a blink
\nAnd you\u2019ll land in the clink.
\nIt\u2019s summed up in his name: Noah Peale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

Though that boy toy at Troy had appeal,
\nKnocking him to his knees? No big deal.
\nHe was easy to rankle
\nOnce pierced through the ankle,<\/a>
\nThus bringing Achilles to heel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

His efforts to bed fierce Lucille
\nCame to naught \u2019cause he\u2019d been too genteel.
\nSo he tried \u201cLet\u2019s drop trou
\nAnd get busy right now!\u201d
\nIt took him a long time to heal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

My young doc spouted med terms with zeal;
\nHe used words like contuse and congeal.
\nI said, \u201cIcky\u201d and \u201cEw\u201d
\n(Only jargon I knew),
\nTill he finally said, \u201cIt\u2019ll heal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FLIGHT-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cLook up there, in the sky! Oh my word!
\nIt\u2019s a bird! It\u2019s a plane!\u201d he averred.
\n\u201cNo, wait! By its shape
\nAnd the long, flowing cape,
\nIt\u2019s Super\u2014 oh gross. It\u2019s a bird.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

There was an inventor named Knight
\nWho studied the science of flight.
\nHe thought he’d be first,
\nBut his efforts were cursed.
\nHis designs never turned out quite Wright.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve a friend who likes putting on airs.
\nHe exaggerates, too; no one cares.
\nWhen he called me last night
\nWith \u201cI\u2019m booking a flight!\u201d
\nI was sure he was walking up stairs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

The next time you fly on a plane,
\nPrepare – you may have to restrain
\nSome rude jerk in a rage
\nWho belongs in a cage.
\n(And maybe, next time, take the train.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

“Hey John, give me one glass of rye.
\nIn fact, I’ll have three. Wond’ring why?
\nI’m taking a plane,
\nWon’t be feeling no pain.
\nI’ll be flying the same time I fly.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

On a flight to the south, I once sighted
\nA bird in a seat quite delighted.
\nHe said, \u201cI could fly
\nWith my own wings, but I
\nPrefer the rewards from United.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

In society, farting is rude,
\nAs is frolicking, dressed in the nude.
\nIs society right
\nTo inhibit the flight
\nOf your fancy, and label you crude?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James, for his limerick summary of the movie Psycho:<\/p>\n

A woman stole cash and took flight;
\nThen she got a motel room that night.
\nIn the bath she got iced
\n(That\u2019s to say, sliced and diced)
\nBy a fellow whose head wasn\u2019t right.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

A glutton for gluten he\u2019d been;
\nThe way he ate cake was a sin.
\nLots of pasta and bread,
\nAnd now he is dead.
\nA small flight of beer did him in.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gennadiy Gurariy:<\/p>\n

Shrieked the copilot, \u201cLeft! Hurry! Swing it!
\nThere\u2019s a building and we\u2019re gonna ding it!
\nDon\u2019t you know how to fly!?\u201d
\nQuipped the pilot, \u201cI\u2019ll try,
\nBut don\u2019t worry, I know how to wing it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: \u2018Time heals every wound?\u2019 That\u2019s unreal! Quite the opposite\u2019s more how I feel. As I limp down life\u2019s highways And hobble […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[6187,2578,5187,3523,5691,5106,5009,5018,3026,4526,5463,5399,5446,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-45527","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-bruce-meyer","tag-byron-miller","tag-david-friedman","tag-fred-bortz","tag-gennadiy-gurariy","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-linda-fuller","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-paul-haebig","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45527","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45527"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45527\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45577,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45527\/revisions\/45577"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45527"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45527"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45527"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}