{"id":45486,"date":"2022-03-19T16:11:27","date_gmt":"2022-03-19T20:11:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45486"},"modified":"2022-03-19T16:25:13","modified_gmt":"2022-03-19T20:25:13","slug":"limerick-off-award-491","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/03\/19\/limerick-off-award-491\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (491)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

There once was a stressed sieve named Shane
\nWho cried, \u201cPeople drive me insane!
\nThey\u2019ll scream and they\u2019ll shout
\nIf some food should drip out,
\nAnd I just cannot handle the strain!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL,<\/a> who wins the Special LINES-Themed Limerick Award for his funny “Romeo and Juliet” limerick:<\/p>\n

Each thought that the other was hot,
\nShared a love which their kinsfolk did not,
\nSo got secretly wed,
\nThen got laid and got dead,
\nAnd right there, in five lines, is the plot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to PAUL HAEBIG and SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

There once was a lim\u2019rick unfinished.
\nIts impact was greatly diminished.
\nIt made people whine:
\n\u201cThere\u2019s no closing line!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

No way does your wordplay diminish
\nMy int\u2019rest for lack of a finish.
\nYour plot lines commence
\nTo build up suspense
\n(Though your Fifth Act\u2019s a little bit thinnish.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Linda Fuller, Dane Paulsen, Terry Marter, Rudy Landesman, Jean McEwen, Paul Haebig, Doug Harris, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Brian Allgar,<\/a> and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cSTRAIN\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO LINE-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Linda Fuller:<\/p>\n

An actress who dressed to the nines,
\nWas obsessed with her facial age signs:
\n\u201cThough an awful brain drain
\nAnd a terrible strain,
\nI ALWAYS remember my lines.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dane Paulsen:<\/p>\n

My golf swing\u2019s a thing to behold.
\nI follow the line, like I\u2019m told.
\nBut here is my bane;
\nEach swing is a strain.
\nThey explain that I\u2019m just getting old.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“STRAIN”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

Hey Gene, please don\u2019t mind me for asking,
\nAs in posthumous fame you\u2019re now basking.
\nSo, was dancing a strain
\nWhen you sang in the rain,
\nOr, simply, routine multitasking?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

He fooled everyone, taking the prize
\nFor glibness \u2013 maintaining the guise.
\nBut he died from the strain
\nOf legerdemain–
\nKeeping track of those countless white lies.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

She runs nude on the beach – such eye-candy;
\nJust the sight of her makes me feel randy.
\nI\u2019m face-down but it\u2019s plain
\nThat I\u2019m feeling the strain;
\nGetting sore, raw and painfully sandy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

I’m really not one to complain
\nBut lately I\u2019m under such strain,
\nThat for better or worse
\nTo fashion a verse
\nIs too much for my poor, tired brain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n

There once was a fellow named Wayne,
\nWhose guts often used to complain,
\nTill he found that hydration
\nReduced constipation;
\nNow ablutions are less of a strain!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I wake up, 1,2,3, in a snap.
\nI\u2019m an active and sprightly ol\u2019 chap.
\nBut I don\u2019t want to strain
\nMy tireless brain.
\nAfter rousing, I take a nice nap.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Half the morning I sweat and I strain
\nMaking borscht in support of Ukraine;
\nThen my cat (who’s no fool),
\nJust as soon as it’s cool,
\nEats it out of the pot. What a pain!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Ev\u2019ry week, as I struggle and strain
\nTo write lim\u2019ricks for Madeleine Kane,
\nMy subconscious says, \u201cSon,
\nThis takes wit and you\u2019ve none.
\nWrite Hallmark verse. Stay in your lane.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

Mrs. Robinson\u2019s daughter Elaine
\nWas subjected to unheard of strain,
\nWhen her mother, one day,
\nHad her lecherous way
\nWith Elaine\u2019s very innocent swain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LINES-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

Civic Theater auditions went fine;
\nI was told that the lead would be mine.
\nBut on opening night \u2014
\nWith my fame at its height \u2014
\nThe one word I could utter was \u201cLine!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

While sailing and writing some prose,
\nHe fell overboard \u2013 head over toes.
\nHe yelled \u201cI\u2019ll be fine.
\nSomeone throw me a line.\u201d
\nAll he got was \u201cMy dog has no nose…”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

At the TSA screening, the queue
\nSnakes for miles, so to quickly pass through,
\nSay you\u2019ve broken a leg.
\nWithout having to beg,
\nYou\u2019ll get quickly rolled through by the crew!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There once was a fellow named Rand,
\nThe horniest guy in the land;
\nHe wore out six brides,
\nTwelve hookers besides,
\nNine sheep, and the lines on his hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

My old Osteopath, Dr. Spec,
\nOught to keep his opinions in check.
\nWhen on visits I whine
\nThat my spine\u2019s out of line,
\nIn my file he writes, \u201cPain in the neck.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

The Parallels feel incomplete.
\nHe is low, and she\u2019s high on the sheet.
\nThey long to be \u201cone,\u201d
\nBut they\u2019re not havin\u2019 fun.
\nIt\u2019s a shame that they never will meet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

I’ve struggled two years to displace
\n50 pounds — and I’ve done it with grace!
\nI’m three sizes down —
\nBut I still have to frown
\nWhen I see the new lines in my face.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

They met while in line at the store
\nAnd reflexively opted for more.
\nAn evening spent;
\nHere\u2019s a clue how it went:
\nAlexa was starting to snore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Their teacher said \u201cOne hundred lines
\nFor making impertinent signs!\u201d
\n\u201cBut Sir,\u201d they complain,
\n\u201cThat\u2019s a lot of cocaine,
\nAnd our dealers are all greedy swines.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman: <\/p>\n

There once was a lady named Mad
\nWho received many limericks bad \u2014
\nWith terrible rhymes
\nAnd then there were times
\nWhere you just couldn\u2019t believe how many extra syllables some of the final lines had!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: There once was a stressed sieve named Shane Who cried, \u201cPeople drive me insane! They\u2019ll scream and they\u2019ll shout If some […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,5830,4465,5187,3362,5106,5009,5018,3026,5144,5463,5399,5446,5052,5343,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45486"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45486"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45486\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45522,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45486\/revisions\/45522"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}