{"id":45173,"date":"2022-01-22T17:12:33","date_gmt":"2022-01-22T21:12:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=45173"},"modified":"2022-01-22T17:22:42","modified_gmt":"2022-01-22T21:22:42","slug":"limerick-off-award-487","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2022\/01\/22\/limerick-off-award-487\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (487)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

When his \u201curges\u201d became more resurgent,
\nCertain pleas to his wife grew more urgent:
\n\u201cNow that I\u2019m growing old,
\nI will need to get bold…\u201d
\nSo she bought him a box of detergent.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special INJURY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The hitch-hiker\u2019s feeling quite glum,
\nAnd he thinks that it may have been dumb \u2013
\nStuck his hand out too fast
\nAs a lorry shot past.
\nNow he\u2019s waving goodbye to his thumb.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Mark Totterdell<\/a> Sue Dulley, Kirk Miller, Tim James, Roger Haugen, Bob Turvey, Byron Miller, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Jean McEwen, Doug Harris, Wildman, Steve Benko,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, David Friedman, Daisy Hyrkas, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cBOLD or BOWLED\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO INJURY-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

A critic, – audacious and bold,
\nSaid my rhymes were all corny and old.
\nHe is now on the floor
\nWith my large Volume Four, –
\nThere\u2019s some blood, and his body\u2019s quite cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell: <\/p>\n

To eat a blue cheese, truth be told,
\nIs an action both risky and bold.
\nIt could lead to your doom,
\nAs that stuff you consume
\nIs old cow-juice all shot through with mold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BOLD or BOWLED”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

I put on my jacket and strolled
\nPast the lawn where the lawn-bowlers bowled.
\nI won’t join their sport
\nBecause life is too short
\nAnd I’m not yet sufficiently old.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller: <\/p>\n

The magazine\u2019s concept was bold.
\nOrigami designs would be sold.
\nBut subscribers were few,
\nSo the publisher knew
\nAfter only one issue, they\u2019d fold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A publisher\u2019s wife had grown cold
\nAnd turned into a bit of a scold.
\nDid he push back? No way.
\nIt\u2019s a pity to say
\nThat only his typeface is bold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen: <\/p>\n

Said the ram to his pal, \u201cI\u2019ve been told
\nThere\u2019s a flock of hot girls in that fold;
\nWhy screw just one ewe?
\nI\u2019m up for a few\u2013
\nNo time to be sheepish, but bold!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

No \u2013 they can\u2019t replace heroes of old,
\nLike Fleming. So clever. So bold.
\nIt must have been thrillin\u2019
\nTo find penicillin \u2013
\nAfter making him God broke the mould.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

I dreamt that my lims had all sold,
\nFor their wit and their style oh so bold.
\nThen awoke minus smile
\nAs my eyes caught the pile, –
\nAll withered and gathering mould.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t count all the games that I\u2019ve bowled
\nIn these shoes now all moldy and holed.
\nBut, a buyer I\u2019ll catch
\nIf I glue on a patch;
\nTime to get them resoled and resold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Lady Longhorn, one hundred years old,
\nBreathed her last as her lover took hold.
\nHe, not noticing this,
\nSaid, when planting a kiss,
\n\u201cWhy so cold, if I may be so bold?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

The gal was especially bold.
\nOf my hands she had taken firm hold
\nAnd pressed both to her breast.
\nI then made a request:
\n\u201cMay I take a brief rest?\u201d (God I\u2019m old.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

\nI have frightening feelings of dread.
\nAnd unsettling thoughts in my head.
\nWhat\u2019s more, I am old.
\nBut today I was bold.
\nAnd actually got out of bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INJURY-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

I am secretly pleased that the limb
\nThat I injured today at the gym
\nNeeds a rest, cause truth told,
\nI\u2019m decrepit and old
\nAnd this spandex look\u2019s getting quite grim.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris: <\/p>\n

There\u2019s many a tendon I\u2019ve nursed
\nAnd how often I\u2019ve landed head-first.
\nBut likely dismissed
\nFrom the injury list \u2013
\nA bruised ego is prob\u2019ly the worst!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

He was proud to be known far and wide
\nFor the lions that lived by his side.
\nOne day (on their whim)
\nHe was torn limb from limb,
\nBut none of it injured his pride.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wildman:<\/p>\n

In my Oculus world of illusion
\nI selected the game called \u2018Confusion.\u2019
\nOh, I scored pretty well
\nTill I spun and then fell;
\nA new level achieved, called \u2018Contusion.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you injured? Hire me, and we\u2019ll sue!\u201d
\nSaid the billboard in red, white, and blue.
\n\u201cThe American way
\nIs to make someone pay;
\nYou\u2019ll get rich, and your lawyer will, too!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A porn film director named Rob
\nWas known for the insults he\u2019d lob.
\nOne time, way back when,
\nHe kept yelling at Ken
\nFor limping along on the job.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen: <\/p>\n

The mugger cried out: \u201cNo more, please!\u201d
\nAs he cowered in pain on his knees;
\nHe was soft in the head,
\nOr maybe brain-dead,
\nTo think he could injure Louise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman: <\/p>\n

There once was a fellow named Gore
\nWhose nuts got shot off in the war.
\nHe said, \u201cHave no fears,
\nI\u2019m married 10 years
\nSo don\u2019t really need \u2019em no more.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Daisy Hyrkas: <\/p>\n

I’ve chopped up my wrists with a knife,
\nBut still I am clinging to life.
\nI’m clutching the note
\nThat I angrily wrote,
\nPlacing all of the blame on my wife.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

Oh meter! Oh meter! Oh meter!
\nYou\u2019re sloppy. You stumble. You teeter
\nAll over the place
\nAnd fall flat on your face.
\nYou MUST mind your feet to be neater.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: When his \u201curges\u201d became more resurgent, Certain pleas to his wife grew more urgent: \u201cNow that I\u2019m growing old, I will […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,2578,5342,4465,5187,3362,5106,3284,5009,5018,5144,5463,5239,5446,5343,5080,3369,5407,3167,6031,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45173"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45173"}],"version-history":[{"count":37,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45173\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45231,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45173\/revisions\/45231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}