{"id":44933,"date":"2021-12-11T17:20:14","date_gmt":"2021-12-11T21:20:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=44933"},"modified":"2021-12-11T17:31:47","modified_gmt":"2021-12-11T21:31:47","slug":"limerick-off-award-484","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/12\/11\/limerick-off-award-484\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (484)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A rude nude in a mood, lewd and crude,
\nStalked a dude who she thought should be wooed.
\nBut the dude, who\u2019s a prude,
\nDid not want to be screwed,
\nOr (for that matter) stalked, so he sued.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special CRIME-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cThough we\u2019re poor, let\u2019s get married,\u201d said Nate.
\n“We\u2019ll pinch pennies and save. Let\u2019s not wait!\u201d
\nThen he boosted her car,
\nThough he didn\u2019t get far.
\nNow he\u2019s doing a nickel upstate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Sjaan VandenBroeder, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Roger Haugen, Kirk Miller, Bob Turvey, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Michael Moulton, David Friedman, Rudy Landesman, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CRUDE or CREWED or ACCRUED”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cYour advances, good Sir, are too crude.
\nNow, pray do not think me a prude,
\nBut you\u2019ll be out of luck
\nIf you say \u201cBabe, let\u2019s fuck!\u201d \u2013
\nI prefer to be tastefully wooed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Once a turkey snood\u2019s viewed, prob\u2019ly you\u2019d
\nThen allude to the fact it looks crude.
\nBut the hot-to-trot hen
\nOn the prowl for fowl men,
\nWould say, \u201cTom\u2019s the right dude for my brood.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

I hope that, with skill and with luck,
\nThis rhyme won\u2019t descend into muck
\nWith a word that is crude
\nAnd offensive and rude
\nAt the end of the fifth line. Oh fuck!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

Said the hooker, \u201cYou think that it\u2019s lewd,
\nTo spend so much time getting screwed?
\nFor me, to be chaste
\nWould be a big waste\u2013
\nJust look at the cash I\u2019ve accrued.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller: <\/p>\n

A biologist tried to feed streusel
\nTo a panda; was met with refusal.
\nThe bear spurned the food
\n\u2019Cause the offer was crude.
\nHe found pandas are hard to bamboozle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

A hungry young child in a cot
\nUsed to pick at its nose quite a lot.
\nSaid its mother, \u201cHow crude.
\nD\u2019you think that stuff\u2019s food?\u201d
\n\u201cI know,\u201d said the child, \u201cThat it\u2019s not.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Her method\u2019s unfailingly shrewd;
\nShe will say something naughty and crude.
\nThat\u2019s how it begins,
\nAs seductiveness wins.
\nWhen lewd sets the mood, then you\u2019re screwed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

In the oil patch she\u2019s done ev\u2019ry dude,
\nAnd with many base traits she\u2019s imbued.
\nOther gals there are kind,
\nThoughtful, smart, and refined,
\nBut not her. She\u2019s called \u201cWest Texas Crude.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cThat skylark is raucous and crude,\u201d
\nComplained Shelley. \u201cIt\u2019s ruined my mood,
\nSo I\u2019ll trap and de-plume it,
\nAnd then I\u2019ll consume it \u2013
\nBut should it be roasted, or stewed?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Over years, through my tears, I\u2019ve accrued
\nFemale vocals in great plenitude.
\nSo at Christmas (it\u2019s silly)
\nI always play Billie
\nTo get into the Holiday mood.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CRIME-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

I said \u201cLet\u2019s rob a bank\u201d to my gang.
\nThey replied \u201cAre you MAD!? We could hang.\u201d
\nThey were quite right of course,
\nAll we had was a horse
\nAnd toy gun with a flag that said BANG!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

The burglars barged in; they were tough.
\nTheir voices were scary and gruff.
\nThey used filthy expressions.
\nAnd stole my possessions…
\nThen replaced them with up-to-date stuff.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

A wrecking ball known as The Donald
\nDemolished the party of Ronald.
\nIt happened each time
\nHe committed a crime;
\nThen had his impeachment McConnelled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

\nA kid with an AR-15
\nAnd a loaded hi-cap magazine,
\nSaid, \u201cWho doesn\u2019t bring
\nA gun to a thing,
\nWhere a protestor might well be mean?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

\nWe drove through the border with speed.
\nThen the guard yelled, \u201cYou must not proceed!
\n\u201cAny firearms, knives,
\nThat could harm people\u2019s lives?\u201d
\nWe answered, \u201cHow much do you need?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman: <\/p>\n

Venus could see the Feds nearing
\nThe moment she dropped her damn earring.
\nIn her racquet it nested,
\nSo she was arrested;
\nThe crime was, of course, racketeering.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

When Paris abducted fair Helen,
\nThe Greeks, to a man, all were yellin\u2019:
\n\u201cThat\u2019s a crime in our book!\u201d
\nBut they all failed to look;
\n\u2019Twas love that those foolish kids fell in.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no wonder I acted quite stroppily
\nWhen accused of a life led improperly.
\nYes, there\u2019s truth in the tale
\nThat I spent time in jail,
\nBut it was in a game of Monopoly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

As a cop, my old man is no honey;
\nHe\u2019s so righteous, it\u2019s not even funny.
\nI\u2019ll throw pants in the wash
\nWithout checking for dosh,
\nAnd he\u2019ll bust me for laundering money.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

He wanted to set up a tryst
\nWith one who had barely been kissed.
\nThe meeting was set;
\nAnd that\u2019s how he met
\nA vice cop he couldn\u2019t resist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

It\u2019s a mystery! Still makes me brood.
\nTell me who murdered young Edwin Drood.
\n\u2019Cause as the plot thickens,
\nThe author, Charles Dickens,
\nJust went off and died. That was rude.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

When you purchase a gun for your son
\nAnd he then offs his schoolmates for fun,
\nPlease do not act surprised
\nWhen you\u2019re roundly despised
\nAnd find out you\u2019ve got nowhere to run.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

At a Mystery Night meet-and-greet,
\nWhere we \u201ccrime-solvers\u201d eat and compete,
\nFor being the winner,
\nI got a free dinner.
\nThe real mystery, though, was the meat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A rude nude in a mood, lewd and crude, Stalked a dude who she thought should be wooed. But the dude, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,4465,5187,5106,3284,5009,5018,5144,5463,3621,5239,5446,5343,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44933"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44933"}],"version-history":[{"count":38,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44933\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45011,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44933\/revisions\/45011"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44933"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44933"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44933"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}