{"id":44692,"date":"2021-10-30T16:31:16","date_gmt":"2021-10-30T20:31:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=44692"},"modified":"2021-10-30T16:54:25","modified_gmt":"2021-10-30T20:54:25","slug":"limerick-off-award-481","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/10\/30\/limerick-off-award-481\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (481)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this limerick and its unusually clever use of homonyms:<\/p>\n

Willie the Wharf is in tiers.
\nHe\u2019s been dammed for the rest of his years.
\nNo longer a dock,
\nHe\u2019ll be kept under lock
\nBy a jury of all of his piers.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special LIMB-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Said Adam, \u201cLord, be a good egg
\nAnd give me a woman, I beg.\u201d
\nGod replied, \u201cI can try,
\nBut the price will be high –
\nShe will cost you an arm and a leg.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I don\u2019t need some posh memsahib,
\nAnd she mustn\u2019t support Women\u2019s Lib.
\nBut I just can\u2019t afford
\nTo lose two limbs, dear Lord,
\nSo what could I get for a rib?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Sondra Landin, Bob Turvey, Tim James, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Steve Benko,<\/a> Doug Harris, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Sally Rosoff, Rudy Landesman, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Diane Groothuis, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DOCK or DOC”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

While looking for ducks off my dock,
\nYou’ll see turtles, both real ones and mock,
\nAnd not too much later
\nYou may see a \u2019gator!
\nI promise, this isn’t a croc.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

An annoyed, anti-Freud kind of Doc,
\nSaid my Oedipus Complex was schlock.
\n\u201cYou\u2019ll never get happy
\nBy marrying Pappy.
\nThis fixation is pure poppycock!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

You stand to be judged in my dock
\nFor indecently flashing your cock.
\nWhile I\u2019m not a condoner
\nOf pervs with a boner
\nI DO like the style of your frock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

An imposing fine figure, my doc;
\nHe is thorough and caring \u2013 my rock.
\nWhen those five words I hear \u2013
\n\u201cCome see me next year,\u201d
\nI think \u201cWhew, not yet time to take stock!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

\u201cHydrocephalus,\u201d said an old Dane,
\n\u201cIs a head full of water and pain.
\nTo drain it, a doc
\nTransplanted my cock.
\nBut now I have sex on the brain.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Lost my laptop, my job \u2014 I\u2019m in hock.
\nEven Hightail, my dog, took a walk.
\nMy canoe\u2019s in the slough,
\nAnd my paycheck\u2019s gone, too.
\nNow I haven\u2019t one thing left to dock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

I cooked some chow mein in my wok
\nUsing two kinds of choy – pak and bok –
\nAnd some fungi I found
\nIn the woods on the ground,
\nNow I’m dying to talk to my doc.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

They won\u2019t listen to Fauci the doc;
\nCOVID science they cluelessly mock.
\nGet the jab? Wear a mask?
\nThat\u2019s just too much to ask!
\nWhat they\u2019re full of they spew by the crock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Said a clown to his shrink, \u201cI\u2019ve a block,
\nAnd sound fuddier each time I talk.\u201d
\nUrged the psych with a poke,
\n\u201cSo then let\u2019s hear a joke.\u201d
\n\u201cOkay!\u201d Cried the comic, \u201cDoc Doc\u2026\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I had opened a vintage Medoc;
\nMy first glass was a terrible shock.
\nMy precious old red
\nWas a fraud, for instead,
\nIt was nothing but watery hock!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Titanic is leaving the dock;
\nTo believe it could sink is a crock,\u201d
\nSaid the captain. A clue,
\nThough, alarmed the whole crew,
\nFor the man had a hole in his sock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIMB-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Doug Harris: <\/p>\n

I tripped on a simple tent peg:
\nBroke ankle and wrist, now I beg
\nFor your limberick vote
\nFor this punchline I wrote \u2013
\nCoz it\u2019s cost me an arm and a leg!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Want a lim about limbs? Here you are:
\nShe has legs like a hot movie star,
\nFirmly muscled and tanned.
\nOh, I bet they\u2019d feel grand
\nWrapped around me (no luck there so far.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell: <\/p>\n

I had to return my pet starfish,
\nIt was truly a well below par fish.
\nIt had met with some harm
\nAnd had only one arm
\nOut of five, which is not even halfish.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sally Rosoff:<\/p>\n

He bragged about skill unsurpassed,
\nAs a climber – we watched, all aghast.
\nThe mistake made by him?
\nGoing out on a limb.
\nNow he\u2019s walking around in a cast.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

The defendant walked out of the court
\nWith a laugh and a sneer and a snort.
\nAs he had predicted,
\nHe was not convicted.
\nThe long arm of the law was too short.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

I prefer that not all the world see
\nEvery limb of my family tree
\nBecause not too far out
\nYou\u2019ll find many a lout.
\n(In fact, one is my dad – first degree.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder, for her “The First Garden?” <\/p>\n

In a tree, as serene as a chapel,
\nAs the sun on its leaves paints a dapple,
\nA lone man on a limb
\nHears a girl call to him \u2014
\n\u201cHey, Stupid-head, bring me an apple!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

His new Guillotine\u2019s gone to his head,
\nCost an arm and a leg (so he said.)
\nHe expected a slice
\nTo be cut off the price.
\nNow he\u2019s still very much in the red.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Dad was shot. Lost his legs. Had the blues.
\nBut he smiled when he read last week’s news:
\n“Here at ‘Wooden Leg Mart’
\nCome today, if you’re smart.
\nBuy the legs, and we’ll throw in the shoes.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis: <\/p>\n

When her boyfriend got down on one knee,
\nIt sure was a fine sight to see.
\nHe looked up at the sky
\nAnd then told her why:
\n“In my sock there’s a troublesome flea.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

They said she went out on a limb;
\nPredicted her chances were slim.
\nSince \u201cthey\u201d were all males,
\nThis is one of those tales
\nWith a \u201cher\u201d outperforming a \u201chim.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this limerick and its unusually clever use of homonyms: Willie the Wharf is in tiers. He\u2019s been dammed for the rest of his years. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,4465,5187,2747,3362,5106,5009,5018,5144,5463,5446,5752,5343,5447,5080,3369,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44692"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44692"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44692\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44756,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44692\/revisions\/44756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44692"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44692"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44692"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}