{"id":44622,"date":"2021-10-16T16:26:31","date_gmt":"2021-10-16T20:26:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=44622"},"modified":"2021-10-16T16:37:14","modified_gmt":"2021-10-16T20:37:14","slug":"limerick-off-award-480","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/10\/16\/limerick-off-award-480\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (480)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

White priv\u2019lege has gone to my head:
\nI eat mayo on white bread in bed.
\nI\u2019m renowned for my wealth
\nAnd enjoy vibrant health;
\nWhat\u2019s my secret, you ask? I\u2019m white-bred.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Special SELF-CONTROL-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The sensation is driving me mad!
\nWhat a feeling, – so good yet so bad.
\nIt\u2019s coming on strong,
\nCan\u2019t hold it for long.
\nOh Yes – YES! It\u2019s the best sneeze I\u2019ve had.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Gennadiy Gurariy, Rudy Landesman, Kirk Miller, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Ken Gosse, Terry Marter, Bob Turvey, Roger Haugen, Jesse Levy,<\/a> Tony Holmes, Dave Johnson, and Steve Benko.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cBREAD\/BRED\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SELF-CONTROL LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cSince they tell me I\u2019m quite overfed,
\nI\u2019m determined to diet,\u201d he said.
\n\u201cThough I\u2019ll still eat by tons
\nGreasy burgers and buns,
\nI shall make myself give up stale bread.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gennadiy Gurariy:<\/p>\n

The carbs that are lurking in bread
\nAdmittedly fill me with dread.
\nI once tried to veto
\nThe strictures of keto,
\nBut ended up breaking the bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BREAD or BRED”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

That gal is well read and well bred.
\nShe\u2019d never (she said) be caught dead
\nWith a book that was porn.
\nShe dismissed those with scorn.
\nShe\u2019d watch X-rated movies instead.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller: <\/p>\n

Our baker\u2019s a man of renown
\nWho\u2019s awarded the bread-making crown.
\nAll the judges have said
\nThat his prize-winning bread
\nIs superb. It\u2019s the toast of the town.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Said the scion, so suave and well-bred,
\nTo his lady: \u201cIt\u2019s time that we wed.
\nI\u2019ll be needing a mare
\nTo provide me an heir.\u201d
\nSo she did what she had to. She fled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

At the bakery, Crumb Bros & Sons,
\nFemale bakers were treated like nuns.
\n\u201cAll the brothers,\u201d gals said,
\n\u201cWhen they\u2019re testing our bread,
\nMake a habit of squeezing our buns.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

I used to call Johnny a \u201csleaze\u201d
\nCuz he constantly begged for \u201cTrapeze.\u201d
\nSince I\u2019m very well-bred,
\nOne night in our bed,
\nI agreed cuz he fin\u2019ly said, \u201cplease.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse: <\/p>\n

My parents both look like each other.
\nTheir parents were sister and brother.
\nMy kids were inbred
\nIn my own sibling\u2019s bed,
\nLike we learned from our father and mother.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

\u201cBeware of that woman!\u201d they said
\nTo the baker who hoped to be wed.
\n\u201cShe just happens to know
\nThat you\u2019re rolling in dough –
\nShe\u2019s a gold-digger, after your bread.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter <\/p>\n

The seagulls all perched on the shed,
\nSet for dive-bombing many a head.
\nThen Jonathan said
\n\u201cSee that woman in red?
\nDon\u2019t crap on her; she\u2019s got the bread.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

\nThere was a young lady named Flo,
\nWhose boyfriend said, \u201cWomen can\u2019t throw.\u201d
\nSo she threw at his head,
\nA loaf of stale bread;
\nBut she missed and she fractured her toe.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

This appeal from my doctor sufficed
\nTo reveal his advice over-priced:
\n\u201cCut down on your bread.\u201d
\nThat\u2019s all that he said.
\nAnd I had to explain, \u201cIt comes sliced.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

She employed him to help her make bread,
\nBut his nature she badly misread.
\nShe found out that the oaf
\nWould consistently loaf.
\n\u201cI\u2019ve no knead for this goof-off,\u201d she said.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy family\u2019s extremely well-bred,\u201d
\nHe smirked with a toss of his head;
\nWhen a DNA test
\nPut that fiction to rest,
\nHe keeled over in shock and fell dead.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SELF-CONTROL-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Gennadiy Gurariy:<\/p>\n

If life is indeed like a box
\nFull of chocolate, it ought to have locks,
\nOr I know what I\u2019ll get:
\nUpset stomach, regret,
\nChocolate stains and intestinal blocks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes: <\/p>\n

Those who advocate strict self-control
\nAre a miserable lot, on the whole.
\nNot for them the delights
\nOf those drink sodden nights,
\nOr the head hanging over the bowl.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

I wanted to be so much thinner,
\nMy plan? It sure wasn\u2019t a winner:
\nFor breakfast and lunch,
\nA salad to munch.
\nThen loss of control for my dinner.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jesse Levy<\/p>\n

I really can’t stop my loud crying
\nBecause of my profligate buying.
\nIt sure isn’t funny
\n\u2019Cause I’m out of money…
\nBut at least I own all I’ve been eyeing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Said my sneaky, (yet lovable) spouse:
\n“I’ve ordered just one pretty blouse.”
\n“Oh really?” said I.
\n“Then please tell me why
\nEve’ry day there’s a box in the house.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

If shooting yourself is your goal,
\nThen before you get ready to roll,
\nAs you suck your cheeks in,
\nAlso cover your chin.
\nIt\u2019s called practicing selfie control.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He thought that they should, though she wouldn\u2019t;
\nHer feeling was \u201ccould, but we shouldn\u2019t.\u201d
\nTheir evening spent,
\nShe began to relent;
\nAnd told him they would\u2026then he couldn\u2019t.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko: <\/p>\n

Said the priest, \u201cYou must use self-control;
\nIn the Church, that\u2019s how altar boys roll.
\nKeep a stiff upper lip
\nWhile my pants I unzip;
\nThree Hail Mary\u2019s will then save your soul.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman: <\/p>\n

When I was a boy wearing nickers,
\nMy favorite candy was \u201cSnickers.\u201d
\nI still get the jones
\nRight down to my bones.
\nI control them imbibing sweet liquors.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Joan was raised to be pure, without taint,
\nAnd was praised for demure self-restraint.
\nSo she took it quite hard
\nWhen she found out Bernard,
\nTheir old dog, was the family Saint.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: White priv\u2019lege has gone to my head: I eat mayo on white bread in bed. I\u2019m renowned for my wealth And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,2578,4465,5691,2434,4842,3284,5009,5018,5144,5239,5446,5343,5080,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-44622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-bob-turvey","tag-brian-allgar","tag-byron-miller","tag-dave-johnson","tag-gennadiy-gurariy","tag-jesse-levy","tag-ken-gosse","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-roger-haugen","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-benko","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44622"}],"version-history":[{"count":36,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44622\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44683,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44622\/revisions\/44683"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}