{"id":44482,"date":"2021-09-18T15:49:30","date_gmt":"2021-09-18T19:49:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=44482"},"modified":"2021-09-18T15:54:25","modified_gmt":"2021-09-18T19:54:25","slug":"limerick-off-award-478","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/09\/18\/limerick-off-award-478\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (478)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Went out for a bike ride today;
\nSome fairly steep hills on the way.
\nNow it hurts when I walk;
\nIf my muscles could talk,
\nThey\u2019d tell me that climb doesn\u2019t pay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Special REPAIRS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve promised to fix the veneer, dear;
\nI\u2019ve told you I would loud and clear, dear.
\nDo try to be kinder
\nAnd skip the reminder
\nYou give me in August each year, dear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE and SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

“Your mechanic did not fix my heat!
\nIt still doesn’t work! What deceit!
\nHe’s surely to blame.
\nWhat the hell is his name?
\nAll I know is this guy’s got 2 feet”.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

Well, you\u2019re not the first person to whine
\nAbout Gregor\u2019s Repair Shop on Vine.
\nI\u2019ve had work done by Greg \u2014
\nCost an arm and a leg!
\nIn fact, one of those feet may be mine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Rudy Landesman, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dave Johnson, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Terry Marter, Jean McEwen, and Steve Benko.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cWAY or WEIGH or WHEY or AWAY\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO REPAIRS LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

From your dreams of true love you\u2019ve awoken,
\nAnd your poor tender heart has been broken.
\nConfucius would say:
\n\u201cJust throw it away.
\nI don\u2019t know what the hell you\u2019ve been smokin\u2019.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WAY or WEIGH or WHEY or AWAY”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

What\u2019s a tuffet? Seems no one can say,
\nThough Miss Muffet besat one that day.
\nAlso, what is a curd?
\nThat\u2019s a gross-sounding word.
\nWould YOU ever eat one? No whey!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

In a warehouse near Richmond, VA,
\nIs a statue of Lee, stored away.
\nSo huge is its torso \u2014
\nThe head even more so \u2014
\nIs there room for those big feet of clay?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

There was a young lady named Mona \u2014
\nSo pretty that you\u2019d want to clone her.
\nSaid da Vinci, \u201cI\u2019m gay.
\nYou attract me? No way.\u201d
\nShe smiled at the size of his boner.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

A cruise is a grand way to float.
\nYou can travel to places remote.
\nBut you’ll sure feel dismay
\nWhen it’s over; you’ll weigh
\nThe very same weight as the boat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

Paul Simon, way back in the day,
\nRecorded \u201cSlip Slidin\u2019 Away.\u201d
\nPerhaps that refrain
\nWas the key to explain
\nWhy Garfunkel never would stay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

A guy whom she\u2019d snubbed ev\u2019ry day,
\nWas finally prompted to say,
\n\u201cSo would it be better
\nTo write you a letter?\u201d
\n\u201cOh yes,\u201d she said, \u201cFar and away.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell: <\/p>\n

In a rage at the freedom forbidd\u2019n\u2019er,
\nI released from her cage the echidna,
\nAnd I took her away,
\nAnd I just wouldn\u2019t say
\nTo her keepers just where I had hidd\u2019n\u2019er.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

Said Abbott: \u201cI\u2019m happy to say
\nThat abortion is banned from today.
\nA son or a daughter
\nAborted? Report her!
\nTen thousand\u2019s the bounty we\u2019ll pay.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve made it illegal to slay
\nThe unborn \u2013 no exceptions, okay?
\nLife is sacred, we\u2019ve sworn …
\nBut once they are born,
\nProtect them from Covid? No way!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (REPAIRS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

My car fell apart when I floored it.
\nThat estimate! Couldn\u2019t afford it.
\nOh, man! Did I groan!
\nPromptly took out my phone.
\nBut \u201cAuto-Correct\u201d just ignored it<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

She transformed it, – the gown of her dreams
\nReconstructed in white, beige and creams.
\nI shouldn\u2019t disparage
\nBut like her first marriage
\nIt\u2019s falling apart at the seams.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve this habit so fixed, I can\u2019t nix it:
\nSomething breaks, so I buy parts to fix it.
\nI remake and re-break it
\nUntil I must take it
\nAway. Then I pay to deep-six it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

I am trying to snake out the shit
\nFrom my toilet, but get but a bit
\nTo go down. Must I plunge
\nTo expunge all the grunge?
\n(I\u2019m no plumber, I\u2019ll have to admit.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

There was a young chappie called Mike
\nWho went out for a ride on his bike.
\nAt the thirty-mile juncture
\nKER-BLAM \u2013 what a puncture!
\n(Repair kit at home \u2013 what a hike!)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

Broke my mirror, it fell to the floor.
\nCouldn\u2019t fix it, I screamed and I swore.
\n7 years of Bad Luck!
\nThat surely did suck.
\nBut my lawyer reduced it to four.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

The sound engineer has been bragging
\n\u2019Bout all of the women he\u2019s \u201cbagging\u201d.
\nExtolling his kicks,
\nHe now has to fix
\nDistortion from band members gagging.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko: <\/p>\n

\u201cSo limp? Lie right down, this I\u2019ll fix,\u201d
\nSaid the hooker. \u201cI know some good tricks.\u201d
\nAnd \u2019twas all systems go
\nIn the hands of a pro;
\nHis old willy had not crossed the Styx.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Went out for a bike ride today; Some fairly steep hills on the way. Now it hurts when I walk; If […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,2578,4465,5106,5009,5018,5144,5463,5446,5343,5080,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44482"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44482"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44482\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44532,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44482\/revisions\/44532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44482"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44482"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44482"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}