{"id":44248,"date":"2021-08-07T16:33:48","date_gmt":"2021-08-07T20:33:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=44248"},"modified":"2021-08-08T14:44:00","modified_gmt":"2021-08-08T18:44:00","slug":"limerick-off-award-475","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/08\/07\/limerick-off-award-475\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (475)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I went to a door store to see
\nWhat choices were open to me.
\nA sign on their stock
\nRead, \u201cPick Your Own Lock.\u201d
\nBut I want one that comes with a key.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Writing Style-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Mark Twain\u2019s language: an erudite treat.
\nErnest Hemingway\u2019s prose: short and sweet.
\nWritten discourse and wit
\nThen went wholly to shit
\nAs the \u201cPresident\u201d babbled by tweet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Rudy Landesman, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Tim James, Byron Miller, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Steve Benko,<\/a> and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cKEY\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO WRITING STYLE LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

e.e. cummings wrote verse that was \u201cfree\u201d
\nand no capital letters used he
\nand the reason for that
\nkeep it under your hat
\na malfunctioning typewriter key<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Split infinitives irritate me,
\nLike a singer who\u2019s singing off-key
\nAnd can\u2019t hit the right note,
\nOr as if Shakespeare wrote
\n\u201cTo be, or instead, to NOT be.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“KEY”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

To enter my swanky new flat,
\nI just punch in a code, – and that\u2019s that!
\nThe fourth fail with my “key”
\nTriggered voicemail to me:
\n“Your new key-code is under the mat.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

I thought I would go into shock.
\n(Took a breather and walked ’round the block.)
\nI at last found the key
\nTo success, but poor me,
\nSeems somebody changed the damn lock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

I have just run aground, pity me.
\nI\u2019m okay \u2014 just a cay in the sea.
\nBut what other snags lurk
\nIn semantical murk?
\nIs a lake but a loch with no key?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Their singer was slightly off-key;
\nThe crowd made his band hard to see.
\nMost covers they played
\nWere so moldy and frayed;
\n\u201cFree concert\u201d \u2013 no bargain for me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

To identify dogs, we agree
\nThat a strap \u2019round the neck is the key;
\nHas the owner\u2019s last name,
\nThe phone number of same.
\nThis technique is named \u201ccollar ID.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

After Ponce de Leon sailed the main
\nFrom the Florida coast back to Spain,
\nHe cried, \u201cIzzy, it\u2019s me!
\nI\u2019ve discovered a key!\u201d
\nShe said, \u201cKeep it. I just want the chain.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

It starts low, with \u201cOh say, can you see\u2026\u201d
\nThen goes high, to a crazy degree.
\nBy \u201cthe rockets\u2019 red glare\u201d
\nYou\u2019ll be gasping for air.
\nYou can\u2019t possibly sing it on-Key.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

Though beguiled, when Fay\u2019d flipped me the key
\nTo her new Maserati GT,
\nI soon felt like a jerk
\nWhen the key wouldn\u2019t work:
\nFor, Fay\u2019d fobbed off a faux fob on me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

This device seemed just perfect for me,
\nSince I\u2019m always mislaying my key.
\nI press the thing here,
\nAnd my keys, far or near,
\nWill respond with \u2018beep, beep …\u2019 endlessly.<\/p>\n

It worked well until, several days later,
\nIn need of my beep-generator,
\nI looked all around,
\nBut it couldn\u2019t be found \u2013
\nLike a fool, I\u2019d mislaid the locator!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WRITING STYLE-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

I write. Like I speak. Not much drama.
\nI Never. Have use. For a Comma.
\nMy phrasing. Concise.
\nWith real. Sound advice.
\nRespect. Fully. Yours. B. Obama.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

In a manner excessively florid,
\nI pen horror tales grisly and torrid.
\nAll my critics agree
\nI have mastered the key
\nTo a writing style perfectly horrid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

English spelling is hell. Readers wish
\nThe word \u201cghoti\u201d were not pronounced \u201cfish\u201d.
\nAnd they wonder if \u201cquay\u201d
\nShould be spoken as \u201ckay\u201d?
\nNo, it\u2019s \u201ckey\u201d! As for Lillian Goti …<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

When I\u2019m writing a narrative book,
\nStream-of-consciousness works as my \u201chook.\u201d
\nBut for pamphlets or tracts,
\nOr a thesis with facts,
\nI prefer to use Gobbledygook.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Her method for teaching us cursive
\nWould often be somewhat immersive.
\nShe hasn\u2019t a hint,
\nBut today I just print;
\nA practice she\u2019d view as subversive.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

\n\u201cIn conclusion, I just have to say,
\nIn closing, don\u2019t use a cliche.
\nHaste always makes waste
\nSo write in good taste.
\nWriting\u2019s hard at the end of the day.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

For really a very long while
\nI struggled with one author\u2019s style:
\n\u201cUlysses\u201d by Joyce;
\nThat book is my choice
\nTo start a new \u201cDo Not Read\u201d pile.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

In poetry form or in prose,
\nThere is no other writing like Poe\u2019s.
\nFor a frightening word
\nFrom a sinister bird,
\nHe finds ravens more scary than crows.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re writing a brief, don\u2019t just say
\nThe court \u201cshould\u201d or \u201cshould not\u201d; that won\u2019t sway
\nAny judge. No, instead
\nExplain WHY what they\u2019ve read
\nShould incline them to see things your way.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cYour style with parentheses stinks,\u201d
\nSaid my prof (I don\u2019t care what she thinks
\n(Though she\u2019s smart (she\u2019s from Yale
\n(Maybe Harvard; I fail
\nTo recall (I\u2019ve had too many drinks))))).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I went to a door store to see What choices were open to me. A sign on their stock Read, \u201cPick […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,2578,4465,5106,3284,5009,5018,5144,5446,5343,5080,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44248"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44248"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44248\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44305,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44248\/revisions\/44305"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}