{"id":44046,"date":"2021-06-26T16:12:42","date_gmt":"2021-06-26T20:12:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=44046"},"modified":"2021-06-26T16:28:02","modified_gmt":"2021-06-26T20:28:02","slug":"limerick-off-award-472","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/06\/26\/limerick-off-award-472\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (472)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

She crafted brassieres by request,
\nAnd her products were known as the best.
\nThey were comfy all day,
\nAll her clients would say.
\nOf their needs she was keeping abreast.<\/p>\n

But she needed a loan. It was just
\nAt that time that her Savings and Trust
\nJacked their int\u2019rest rates high
\nSo her cash flow went dry.
\nAnd her company, sadly, went bust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Special TIMING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s always just after I \u2018send,\u2019
\nThat I think of a far better end.
\nThe amended appendage
\nWith much improved endage
\nIs finally mended and penned.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

\nShe was small and demure, and his quest
\nWas to get her completely undressed.
\nWhen it happened, though, he
\nWas astounded to see
\nA Marine Corps tattoo on her chest.<\/p>\n

As he came to this part of his quest
\nHe screwed up, as perhaps you have guessed.
\nAs they made love that day
\nHe cried, \u201cAnchors aweigh!\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s the NAVY!\u201d she yelled, unimpressed.<\/p>\n

His timing could not have been worse.
\nThe wrong words at that moment? Perverse.
\n(Maybe next time he\u2019ll try
\nThe right phrase: \u201cSemper Fi.\u201d)
\nHe was stunned by how well she could curse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Benko,<\/a> Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Kirk Miller, Sondra Landin, Tony Holmes, Diane Groothuis, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Roger Haugen, Tim James, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Rudy Landesman, and Bob Turvey. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cQUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TIMING LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

I dreamed I received this bequest
\nFrom no less of a star than Mae West:
\n\u201cAs my time is now up,
\nFor the way he would schtupp,
\nI am leaving Steve Benko my chest.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

With a saxophone solo my quest,
\nFirst, I ready my reed for the test.
\nWith my embouchure tight,
\nAnd the timing just right,
\nThen I blow my own horn through each rest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST”-Rhyme DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

To the waiter I made this request:
\n“On my chicken dish, please make it breast.”
\nSaid the server (named Dale)
\n“All our chickens are male;
\nWe have thigh, wing or drumstick, or chest.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

They played crap at the disco last night.
\nThe DJ was high as a kite.
\n\u201cDo we have a request?\u201d
\nI said \u201cGive it a rest!\u201d
\nAnd that\u2019s how I got in the fight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

The firing squad was about
\nTo kill Peter, who started to shout:
\n\u201cI have one last request.
\nWill you all do your best
\nTo forget about wiping me out?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

When the stripper\u2019s on stage fully dressed,
\nYou can bet that she\u2019ll be on a quest
\nTo remove blouse and bra
\nWith some moves that are raw.
\nShe has something to get off her chest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

My friend thinks that I\u2019m a big pest;
\nI repeatedly state, not in jest,
\n\u201cDon\u2019t toss out your mask,
\nThat\u2019s all that I ask,
\n\u2019Cause from you I don\u2019t want a bequest!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

I write with this acrid request:
\nDon\u2019t say MUSTARD \u2014 not even in jest.
\nNow I\u2019m smelling the stuff!
\nYes, phantosmia\u2019s rough.
\n(Well, at least I got that off my chest).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

There are ladies who call by request
\nAnd oblige, doing what they do best.
\nI\u2019ve a laundress, Ms. Took;
\nWields an iron, can cook,
\nAnd another, Ms. Vamp, for the rest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis:<\/p>\n

A youngish gal made a request
\nTo Cupid to give it a rest:
\n“I have had hubbies three
\nWho were no good to me,
\nAnd your arrows have damaged my breast”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

When you give two new sex toys a test
\nTo see which, for a bang, works the best,
\nYou most surely will fail
\n\u2019Cause there\u2019s no holy grail.
\nSo you may as well give up the quest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Greedy heirs will not rest till they wrest,
\nFrom my breast, closely pressed, my bequest.
\nHoly moly, Amen!
\nI have played them again \u2014
\nNo one guessed this was only a test!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TIMING-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

\nMr. Louis Pasteur calmed his woes
\nWhen he told all the docs, \u201cDon\u2019t expose
\nYour patients to dirt.
\nI\u2019ve put out an alert:
\n\u201cClose \u2019em up first, and THEN pick your nose.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\nIn physics, the term \u201cmultiverse\u201d
\nWon\u2019t earn from your rivals a curse.
\nBut the deadline is looming
\nAnd Tim James is blooming;
\nHe thinks that one stanza\u2019s too terse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

His job at the factory dock
\nWas strenuous \u2013 hard as a rock.
\nBut hip-hip-hooray,
\nIt\u2019s retirement day!
\nHe started by punching the clock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

What is it about the word \u201ctiming\u201d
\nThat resists all my efforts at rhyming?
\nI sit here in sorrow,
\nCan\u2019t beg, steal or borrow\u2013
\nI guess my poor brain just needs priming.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I attempted to hit on a nurse
\nBut my timing could not have been worse.
\nI had started to flirt
\nWhen she jabbed me. It hurt,
\nThereby causing my zeal to disperse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

When my crazy aunt hits the dance floor
\nInhibitions go straight out the door.
\nShe\u2019ll flail and she\u2019ll sing
\nTo that Dave Brubeck swing,
\nWhile trying to waltz in 5\/4!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

His new jet power system, he reckoned,
\nWould make him a fortune. Fame beckoned.
\nHe crouched, legs apart
\nAnd set fire to a fart
\nAnd flew forward at six miles a second.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

There once was a sleazy old wanker
\nFor sex slightly kinky he\u2019d hanker.
\nHis timing was great.
\nHe found a new date,
\nWho was glad he just wanted to spank her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

1960 \u2013 a record is climbin\u2019
\nThe charts \u2013 and the title\u2019s GOOD TIMIN\u2019.
\nOn TV, Jimmy Jones,
\nPrances dances and moans \u2013
\nHis mis-timin\u2019s show that he\u2019s mimin\u2019.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

A one an\u2019 a two, just keep dribbling.
\nThe coach knows what\u2019s best, so no quibbling.
\nYour team\u2019s lost the game.
\nAnd you are to blame.
\nYou cannot just stop and start nibbling.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick: She crafted brassieres by request, And her products were known as the best. They were comfy all day, All her […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4465,2747,5106,3284,5009,5018,5144,5463,5239,5446,5343,5447,5080,3369,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44046"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44046"}],"version-history":[{"count":33,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44046\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":44102,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44046\/revisions\/44102"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}