{"id":43918,"date":"2021-05-16T13:08:34","date_gmt":"2021-05-16T17:08:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43918"},"modified":"2021-05-16T13:18:05","modified_gmt":"2021-05-16T17:18:05","slug":"limerick-off-award-469","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/05\/16\/limerick-off-award-469\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (469)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A young bride had her wedding gown planned:
\nShe\u2019d create it herself \u2014 make it grand!
\nTo her groom she said, \u201cYou\u2019ll
\nHelp me stiffen the tulle.\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cSure, I can do it by hand.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL,<\/a> who wins the Special ZOO-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

In the zoo, an old elephant, Ernie,
\nLong deprived of his freedom to journey
\nBy the bars on his cage,
\nWas so maddened by rage,
\nHe demanded to see his attorney.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Rudy Landesman, Terry Marter, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Roger Haugen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Steve Benko,<\/a> Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TOOL\/TULLE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She\u2019s a baker; her son is a fool.
\n(Bluntly stated, he\u2019s not a sharp tool.)
\nShe caught him one day
\nIn her kitchen, at play:
\n\u201cHey, a Frisbee that ain\u2019t! It\u2019s a boule!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

Poor Oliver Twist ate his gruel.
\nThat watery slop was the tool
\nTo keep kids in line.
\nDid Oliver whine?
\nWhat the Dickens, that kid was no fool.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

When the trash man drank all his wife\u2019s gin
\nHis chance of survival was thin.
\nShe diced up the fool
\nWith a very sharp tool
\nBut he still wouldn\u2019t fit in the bin.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

One tool that I use when I polish
\nMy lim\u2019ricks is handy and smallish.
\nUsing lead as its fuel,
\nIt\u2019s a rubber-tipped tool,
\nWith two settings: \u201cRub Out\u201d and \u201cDemolish.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

The little girl perched on a stool,
\nSo prettily dressed in blue tulle,
\nAnd now how would she do?
\nWould they clap, would they boo?
\nShe played and soon wowed the whole school!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Said a gal to her guy: \u201cThough you\u2019re cool,
\nI like circumcised men, as a rule.\u201d
\nHe\u2019s not keen on it, but
\nHe\u2019s agreed to get cut.
\nThus their love life he\u2019s gonna re-tool.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

The porn king sat down on the stool
\nAnd whipped out his thirteen-inch tool;
\nThe girls were in shock\u2013
\nThe sight of his cock
\nWas enough to make all of them drool.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I write limericks ev-er-y day.
\nWith words, I consistently play.
\nBut I do use a tool.
\nTo make them sound cool:
\nI hammer and hammer away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\u201cFor digging up graves,\u201d said the ghoul,
\n\u201cThis shovel is too minuscule.
\nFor cadaver retrieval,
\nIt\u2019s truly medieval;
\nA backhoe is my kind of tool.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ZOO LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

The mysterious unicorn\u2019s fate.
\nHas for years been a cause for debate.
\nNever seen in a zoo,
\nThe researchers best clue
\nIs that Noah declared they taste great.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

At the petting zoo, there in the crowd,
\nStood a boy looking gloomy and cowed.
\n\u201cGo on, touch them,\u201d I said,
\nTo which he shook his head,
\n\u201cThere\u2019s a sign that says, \u2018no pets allowed.’\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Although the zoo culture forbids
\nDivorce, they were still on the skids.
\nThrough all kinds of weather,
\nThe Goats stayed together,
\nBut only because of the kids.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

When the animals down in the zoo
\nWant to do what all animals do,
\nThey have nowhere to meet
\nPrivate, safe and discreet,
\nSo they do it right there in full view.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

A gorilla with bright orange skin
\nAnd a vast hippopotamus chin,
\nA rhinoceros rump …
\nIt\u2019s the one-man zoo, Trump!
\n(Did I mention his crocodile grin?)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

All the doves that are housed at the zoo
\nAre upset and decide to pursue
\nA revolt; overthrow
\nThe zookeepers, so
\nThe doves will be staging a coo.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A young bride had her wedding gown planned: She\u2019d create it herself \u2014 make it grand! To her groom she said, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,3284,5009,5018,5144,5463,5239,5446,5343,5447,5080,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43918"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43918"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43918\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43950,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43918\/revisions\/43950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}