{"id":43815,"date":"2021-04-17T16:52:51","date_gmt":"2021-04-17T20:52:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43815"},"modified":"2021-04-17T17:34:42","modified_gmt":"2021-04-17T21:34:42","slug":"limerick-off-award-467","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/04\/17\/limerick-off-award-467\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (467)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cFree verse\u201d was invented by hacks
\nWhose grasp on poetics is lax.
\nWithout meter or rhyme,
\nWhat they write is a crime \u2013
\nThe law should impose a syntax.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SHEEP-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Little Bo, as she tended her sheep,
\nSmoked a bowl and then fell fast asleep.
\nHer whole flock, at high cost,
\nWandered off and got lost \u2014
\nWhile from Bo there\u2019s been nary a Peep.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER and LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

When his fleece got too curly and twee,
\nLambert bawled, \u201cMaa! What\u2019s happ\u2019ning to me?\u201d
\nEwenice answered him, \u201cBah!
\nQue sera que sera \u2014
\nWhatever wool be, lamb, wool be.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Dear Sjaan, this might sound a bit odd.
\nI\u2019ve advice for you, (so help me God)
\nThat lim\u2019rik was fab,
\nYet a little bit drab.
\nCuz puns about sheep are so baaa-d.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Dear Lisi, I know I\u2019ve descended
\nInto maaa-dness; it can\u2019t be defended.
\nI have lambasted bovid \u2014
\nI blame it on Covid.
\nSigned, Sheepish One. (No pun intended).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Sondra Landin, Kirk Miller, Tim James, Terry Marter, Doug Harris, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Rudy Landesman, Tony Holmes, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> David Friedman, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cTAX or TACKS or ATTACKS\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SHEEP LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

Unlike sheep, moose and elk males have racks
\nKnown as ‘antlers’ for rutting attacks.
\nEv’ry Bighorn sheep mourns:
\n“Why are mine just called ‘horns’
\nLike a trumpet, trombone and a sax?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

An accountant I know can\u2019t relax.
\nHe hallucinates papers in stacks.
\nHe has tried counting sheep,
\nBut he still can not sleep,
\nDue to fabled 1040 attacks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Oh, damn it! I\u2019ve just popped a button!
\nIt\u2019s my own fault for being a glutton.
\nI get hunger attacks
\nAnd I need little snacks,
\nSo I\u2019ve gobbled a whole leg of mutton.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TAX or TACKS or ATTACKS” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Grown weary of right-wing attacks?
\nHere\u2019s something to help you relax:
\nExperience Fox
\nAnd those radio jocks
\nWith volume turned down to the max.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

The boy at the piano attacks
\nThe music of Brit Arnold Bax.
\nHe pounds and he stumbles,
\nThen finally grumbles,
\n\u201cI\u2019d rather be playing the sax!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

The Venus de Milo is charming,
\nBut some think it\u2019s rather alarming.
\nBeneath shoulders she lacks
\nAny limbs, so attacks
\nAre made that the statue\u2019s disarming.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Corporations avoid paying tax
\nWhile they pile up the money in stacks.
\n\u201cBut it\u2019s legal!\u201d they say
\nAs it\u2019s all waved away
\nBy a phalanx of flunkies and flacks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The killer goes mad with an ax,
\nAnd his victims are bundled in sacks.
\nBut none of them bleeds;
\nAll the corpses are weeds,
\nThe results of his garden attacks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter: <\/p>\n

In my beautiful dream nothing lacks.
\nWe drift, so relaxed, on our backs.
\nThen a tongue in my ear
\nSays reality\u2019s here;
\nIt\u2019s our Dog\u2019s friendly \u201cWake up!\u201d attacks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n

As through this mad life we make tracks \u2013
\nUncertainty wielding its axe,
\nThere are two things for sure
\n(It\u2019s so simple, so pure)
\nThat you\u2019ll shortly be dead and pay tax!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Lizzie Borden, indicted by hacks,
\nFor her heinous (unproven) attacks,
\nIs notorious still
\nAs the goriest thrill
\nIn one famous Museum of Whacks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

The op’ra\u2019s been under attacks
\nIn Rome, by vociferous claques.
\nThey shout and they boo,
\nThrow tomatoes — that too.
\nWhat’s become of that old Roman Pax?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A collection of ignorant hacks
\nRuns around spewing stuff anti-vax.
\nAlthough prospects are dim,
\nWe could pay for the stim
\nIf we passed a stupidity tax.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

When I have my “insolvent attacks”
\nI use a great trick to relax.
\nI breathe into a bag,
\nTill I feel I will gag.
\nThen skedaddle right over to Saks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHEEP LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tony Holmes: <\/p>\n

Sid and Elsie a-shivering stood,
\nSporting crew-cuts from old farmer Good.
\nElsie said, \u201cYou look blue.”
\nSid replied, \u201cSo will you.
\nI\u2019m no longer a ram who packs wood.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

A cultured and civilized leopard
\nAte a whole flock of sheep and their shepherd.
\nIt did not eat them raw,
\nBut pot-roasted, with slaw
\nAnd some garlic potatoes, well-peppered.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There once was a fellow named Rand,
\nThe horniest guy in the land;
\nHe wore out six brides,
\nTwelve hookers besides,
\nNine sheep, and the lines on his hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Take sheep dip with sugar \u2014 one lump.
\nOr inject it right into your rump.
\nIt works against Covid,
\nJust ask any bovid.
\nI read this in \u201cCure-alls\u201d by Trump.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

It seems I\u2019ve been fleeced by Lee Lamb
\nAnd her parents (Ma Ewe and Dad Ram.)
\n\u2019Cause their pledge of fine wool,
\nIt turns out, was pure bull–
\nAnd I gullibly fell for their scam.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

Couldn\u2019t sleep so I picked up my pen,
\nBut decided to practice my Zen.
\nThen I wondered if sheep,
\n(When they can\u2019t get to sleep)
\nPrefer to count women or men.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

A lamb chop, as cute as a button,
\nWas eaten by one greedy glutton.
\nIts mommy, the sheep,
\nNo longer could sleep;
\nHer baby would never be mutton.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cOn the lam from some mobsters is he,\u201d
\nSaid the girl, \u201cSo he can\u2019t marry me.\u201d
\nSaid her dad, \u201cThose are lies;
\nPull the wool from your eyes!\u201d
\nAnd she sheepishly had to agree.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

My young son wants to nourish his brain;
\nAsks me questions, and some I explain.
\n\u201cIs the moon made of cheese?\u201d
\nAnd \u201cWho built the trees?\u201d
\nAnd \u201cWhy don\u2019t sheep shrink in the rain?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

The shepherd said sheepishly, \u201cDamn!
\nI find that I\u2019m in a big jam.\u201d
\nAnd an ewe knew he’d cry
\nWhen he said with a sigh,
\n\u201cThe young sheep have all gone on the lam.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: \u201cFree verse\u201d was invented by hacks Whose grasp on poetics is lax. Without meter or rhyme, What they write is a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,5187,3362,5106,3284,5009,5018,5144,5463,5446,5343,5447,3369,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43815"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43815"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43815\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43863,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43815\/revisions\/43863"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43815"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43815"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43815"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}