{"id":43703,"date":"2021-03-13T17:30:22","date_gmt":"2021-03-13T21:30:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43703"},"modified":"2021-03-15T22:01:09","modified_gmt":"2021-03-16T02:01:09","slug":"limerick-off-award-465","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/03\/13\/limerick-off-award-465\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (465)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick:<\/p>\n

Dodos died, so it\u2019s tragic but true
\nThat there\u2019s nobody left now who knew
\nOf the shape or the length
\nOr olfactory strength
\nOf the doo-doos a dodo would do.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special BUGS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I\u2019d begun to have sex in the grass
\nWith the prettiest girl in my class,
\nWhen \u201cOh God!\u201d cried the chick,
\n\u201cWhat a terrible prick!\u201d
\n… She\u2019d been bitten by ants in the ass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners, in random order. (There are more than usual because it was a very strong week for entries, both in terms of quantity and quality.) Sharon Neeman, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Terry Marter, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sondra Landin, Tony Holmes, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Gail White, and Brian Allgar.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cDO or DUE or DEW or ADO\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BUGS-Themed LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Now that COVID is practically through
\nAnd we’ve all had a jab — maybe two —
\nCan we take our guitars
\nAnd sit under the stars
\nAs we sing (and pass round) Mountain Dew?<\/p>\n

This old folkie’s not put off by bugs
\nOr by (mild) recreational drugs,
\nBut I surely do long
\nTo exchange — not just song,
\nBut a thing that’s far better — real hugs!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

Each time that I feel down and blue,
\nI munch on an insect or two.
\nThough humans like hugs,
\nI\u2019ll just stick to bugs.
\nWhat else is a shrew s’pposed to do?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DO or DUE or DEW or ADO” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

When Satan came sauntering through
\nThe salon door, the hairdresser knew
\nShe could NOT blow him off.
\nSo she fashioned his coif,
\nThereby giving the devil his \u2019do.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

I woke you (at quarter-to-two)
\nTo show you I\u2019ve written \u201cI Do,\u201d
\nAnd be sure you can see
\nThat line four rhymes with three.
\nYou can go back to sleep now – I\u2019m through.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone<\/p>\n

A baby’s a dream that comes true.
\nCan’t believe my sweet girl’s almost two.
\nBut her dad’s of no use;
\nHe’ll use any excuse
\nNot to change her when she makes a doo.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve had a long friendship, we two.
\nIn good and bad years we pulled through.
\nBut times are a-changing;
\nOur needs now far-ranging.
\nLet\u2019s say our adieus sans ado.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

If you want to use something that\u2019s new,
\nTry our super thick, quick-drying glue.
\nBut take care and beware;
\nIf applied to your hair,
\nYou surely will rue your new do.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

How you\u2019re greeted will give you the clue.
\nYou\u2019re in Britain: It\u2019s \u201cHow do you do?\u201d
\nDown in Oz, it\u2019s \u201cGoo\u2019 day!\u201d
\nAnd in Paree so gay,
\nIt\u2019s \u201cBonjour\u201d and then \u201cMerci beaucoup.\u201d<\/p>\n

In some states they say \u201cHowdy!\u201d (It\u2019s true.)
\nIn some others, \u201cHey ya\u2019ll\u201d or \u201cHey you.\u201d
\n\u201cHow\u2019s it hangin\u2019?\u201d is hip,
\nThough \u201cWhassup?\u201d has more zip,
\nAnd for Cajuns, \u201cBonjour\u201d and \u201cAdieu.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Noah boarded the beasts two-by-two \u2014
\n\u2019Twas a task the Big Boss bade him do.
\nHe faced it, unblinking,
\nBut couldn\u2019t help thinking,
\n\u201cThe world is becoming a zoo.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

I’m Sue. This is long overdue –
\nI never was born, I just grew.
\nSo how can this be?
\nIt was quite clear to me;
\nMy parents were too shy to screw.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

While looking for something to do,
\nHe dialed up a lady he knew,
\nSaying \u201cHey, I\u2019m so bored.\u201d
\nShe said \u201cHere\u2019s your reward
\nFor calling \u2013 now come bore me too.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a raunchy giraffe at the zoo
\nWho shouts (as giraffes seldom do):
\n\u201cIf you think my neck\u2019s long
\nJust look at my schlong!\u201d
\nThen pisses to show that it\u2019s true.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gail White:<\/p>\n

I’m claiming, without more ado,
\nThat my Biblical visions are true,
\nWhile your foolish reliance
\nOn reason and science
\nReflects very poorly on you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

The clairvoyants’ convention was due.
\nThey had asked us along. (We all flew.)
\nAt Departure that night,
\nThey all cancelled their flight,
\nSo we cancelled ours too – wouldn\u2019t you?!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

It came while in bed from her side;
\nA quiver she couldn\u2019t quite hide.
\nAlthough they were through,
\nHe asked \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d
\n\u201cJust gave you a hand,\u201d she replied.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BUGS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A diner, so bugged by the guy
\nWho waited his table, yelled \u201cFie!
\nYou have managed to pour
\nOn my lap soup du jour,
\nAnd now there\u2019s a soup in my fly!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Damned mosquitoes! It isn\u2019t the pain
\nThat is driving me slowly insane,
\nBut that nerve-racking whine
\nAs they zoom in to dine
\nOnce again, and again, and again!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m puzzled what everyone sees
\nIn purchasing items like these.
\nThey\u2019re blankets and such
\nWhich I\u2019d rather not touch
\nThat come from a market of fleas.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

“Hey, mosquito, let’s have a nice chat.
\nDon’t be shy, cuz I know where you’re at.
\nYou’ve sucked up my blood,
\nBut I’ll be your best “bud”
\nIf you guzzle up some of my fat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

Some beetles are bullies and thugs
\nThat treat the less wary as mugs.
\nBut some, bright and gay,
\nGo out of their way
\nTo stop and give lady bugs hugs!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tell you who bugs me the most,\u201d
\nShe said to the afternoon host.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s people you ask
\nAbout wearing a mask
\nWho claim that their \u2018freedom\u2019 is toast.”<\/p>\n

“But now that the vaccines are here,
\nTheir purpose in life becomes clear.
\nThey scheme and design
\nTo be there first in line;
\nI hope they get shot in the rear.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A pillbug, aggrieved, won\u2019t reveal it;
\nWhen insulted, he tries not to feel it.
\nCalled a \u201csow\u201d or a \u201clouse,\u201d
\nHe\u2019ll be tempted to grouse,
\nBut rolls up in a ball to conceal it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

When disporting alfresco, beware!
\nGnats and midges may nest in your hair.
\nThis, in turn, makes you itch \u2013
\nAnd that itch is a bitch.
\nIt\u2019s a high price to pay for fresh air.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

\nInsurrectionist Klein<\/a> loudly cursed:
\n\u201cDamn these roaches! They\u2019re simply the worst!
\nMove me out of here! Ick!\u201d
\nBut the roaches were quick:
\nThey petitioned to move him out first.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick: Dodos died, so it\u2019s tragic but true That there\u2019s nobody left now who knew Of the shape or the length Or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,5187,5462,5009,5018,5144,5463,5052,5343,5447,3369,5407,5172,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43703"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43703"}],"version-history":[{"count":44,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43703\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43760,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43703\/revisions\/43760"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43703"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43703"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43703"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}