{"id":43644,"date":"2021-02-27T21:03:12","date_gmt":"2021-02-28T01:03:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43644"},"modified":"2021-03-04T00:07:00","modified_gmt":"2021-03-04T04:07:00","slug":"limerick-off-award-464","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/02\/27\/limerick-off-award-464\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (464)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. <\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The stuff we call Time can\u2019t be seen;
\nOne instant it\u2019s here, – then it\u2019s been.
\nWhen you kiss on a hill,
\nIt sublimely stands still,
\nBut in Greenwich, U.K. it\u2019s just mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Weed(s)-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

How\u2019s a gardener battling weeds
\nLike a john craving sexual deeds?
\nAnswer: Each has a goal
\nAt the end of a pole.
\nA ho(e) will serve both of their needs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Rudy Landesman, John Edwards, Sondra Landin, Kirk Miller, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, David Friedman, Dave Johnson, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Suzanne Heymann, Jean McEwen, Bob Turvey, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cMEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO “WEEDs” LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

At last, it\u2019s stopped freezing and snowing;
\nIt\u2019s Spring, and my garden is growing …
\nBloody hell! I\u2019ve just seen
\nMother Nature\u2019s been mean –
\nIt\u2019s only the weeds that are showing!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

\n

My last lim\u2019rick, I now must concede
\nDid not mention a single wild weed.
\nAnd I\u2019m sure you have seen
\nMy misplacement of \u201cmean,\u201d
\nTwo egregious transgressions, indeed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

John Edwards:<\/p>\n

There once was a weedy old dean
\nWho made up a lewd mondegreen.
\nHis crude oronym,
\nHe penned on a whim.
\nBut what, you might ask, did demean?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

My dishwasher\u2019s gone on the blink,
\nDirty dishes piled high in the sink.
\nAnd I find it so mean:
\nThere’re no guests to be seen;
\nThey fled fast after food and last drink!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

There once was a woman named Jean
\nWho had the most dignified mien.
\n\u201cI\u2019m addicted to soap,\u201d
\nShe admitted. \u201cI hope
\nThat with treatment, I’ll soon become clean.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

Ophelia\u2019s a regular teen
\nWhose grades always fall in between;
\nNot high and not low,
\nJust average, although
\nTo note it still seems pretty mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A woman whose skin is bright green
\nIs the nastiest witch ever seen.
\nShe will terrorize you
\n(And your little dog, too).
\nHer behavior in toto is mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

The wife of poor Jeremy Green
\nIs the nastiest bitch ever seen;
\nTo hell she\u2019d subject him,
\nThen offer her rectum,
\nThe end justifying the mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The former guy\u2019s angry and mean;
\nStill constantly venting his spleen.
\nBut lately the spew
\nIs no longer in view;
\nHis Twitter bird flew from the scene.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Right-wing hacks used to hurry to score
\nAngry points in their \u201ccultural war\u201d \u2014
\nTo be first on the scene
\nWith their rage, loud and mean.
\nBut today? There\u2019s no Rush anymore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He shows a cantankerous mien;
\nIntent on provoking a scene.
\nHe\u2019s letting us know
\nJust who\u2019s running the show:
\nOur cat, when his box isn\u2019t clean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan vandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

My retriever is halfway between
\nPale yellow and orange in sheen.
\nIf you think he\u2019s a cur,
\nTake a look at his fur \u2014
\nHe\u2019s authentic. A real Golden Mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey: <\/p>\n

Six women, all young, fit and keen
\nWanted ACTION (you know what I mean) \u2013
\nNow they all loved one guy,
\nAnd he said he would try \u2013
\nThe funeral\u2019s next week in Racine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WEED(s) LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

I admit that I lose all control
\nWhen I’m dancing to rock or to soul.
\nThen I get me some weed.
\n(Satisfaction indeed!)
\nIt’s so cool when I rock and then roll.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

If you give groups of boys each a gun,
\nPretty soon they will shoot ev’ryone.
\nBut put weed in their hand
\nAnd they soon form a band
\nAnd spread peace in the land, having fun.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

The brownies I bake? Guaranteed
\nTo please the whole crowd. I\u2019ll concede:
\nThey can taste a bit grassy,
\nBut folks find them classy.
\nMy secret? I spike them with weed!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

Said a nudist, \u201cI love stinging nettles \u2013
\nI sting both their leaves and their petals
\nWith a weedkiller spray
\nWhich just burns them away
\nAnd I relish those old scores it settles!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan vandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

The weeds in my yard make me leery;
\nTall creatures that stalk me \u2014 it\u2019s eerie.
\nThey hide pistils that shoot
\nThrough my foil hazmat suit.
\n(It\u2019s true. Not conspiracy theory.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
\nWould wake screaming. \u201cThe image! It haunts!
\nGrinning up from the sward,
\nLike a Mardi Gras horde,
\nDandelions and daisies hurl taunts.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

The drug couns’lor asked, \u201cWho would need
\nThis bud or this leaf or this seed?
\nAnd who\u2019d waste an hour
\nJust smoking this flower?\u201d
\nWe speedily answered him: \u201cWe\u2019d!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

What with weeds, germs, and virus galore,
\nI was sure we had ev\u2019ry known spore.
\nBut it seems we are short
\nThe microbial sort,
\nSo we\u2019ve flown off to Mars to get more.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

When deer are out doing their deeds,
\nThis guideline each one of them heeds:
\n\u201cWe\u2019re claiming these flowers
\nAnd yard plants as ours;
\nThose humans can have all the weeds.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The stuff we call Time can\u2019t be seen; One instant it\u2019s here, – then it\u2019s been. When you kiss on a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,4465,5187,5106,564,3284,5009,5018,5144,5446,5343,5447,4533,5407,5172,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43644"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43644"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43644\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43700,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43644\/revisions\/43700"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43644"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43644"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43644"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}