{"id":43609,"date":"2021-02-13T17:48:18","date_gmt":"2021-02-13T21:48:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43609"},"modified":"2021-02-13T18:11:52","modified_gmt":"2021-02-13T22:11:52","slug":"limerick-off-award-463","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/02\/13\/limerick-off-award-463\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (463)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The plumber piped up, speaking plain,
\n\u201cAll this crap here has blocked up your main.\u201d
\nSo I paid him to break
\nUp the clog with his snake.
\nBut the thing fell asleep in the drain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special BILLS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

At the zoo, all the rents steeply rose;
\nNow each beast strains to pay what it owes.
\nEv\u2019ry gator and croc
\nHad to go into hock,
\nAnd the elephants paid through the nose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Thomas Vincent, Sondra Landin, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sue Dulley, Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Jean McEwen, Rudy Landesman, and Paul Haebig. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

If your horse looks too drab and too plain,
\nWax its saddle and stirrups and rein.
\nYou can brush its tail too,
\nBut whatever you do
\nDon\u2019t forget to remember the mane.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

I knew a nice farm girl in Maine
\nWho was seeking a swain, but in vain.
\nShe would grumble and mumble
\nWhile swiping on Bumble:
\n\u201cOn-line dating is barren terrain!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

The company\u2019s problem was plain:
\nHow to make a loss look like a gain?
\nSo the numbers were cooked
\nAnd the \u201cprofits\u201d were booked.
\n\u2019Twas a nice feat of ledgerdemain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

At “Old Biddy Hill” here on Main,
\nThe senior folk groan and complain.
\nAnd year after year,
\nI repeatedly hear:
\n“Just who in the hell stole my cane?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

\nAllan Sherman wrote home to complain
\nCamp was hard to endure in the rain,
\nBut much worse for Joe Spivey
\nWho caught poison ivy,
\nAnd Skinner, who\u2019s sick with ptomaine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

An out-of-doors dancer from Maine
\nOnce had a rough time in the rain.
\nA bad skid in the dance
\nLeft a knot in his pants
\nAnd his poor penis purple with pain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BILLS-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cTubman\u2019s face on a twenty, that pill?\u201d
\nWhines Donald, splenetic and shrill.
\n\u201cIt shoulda been me!\u201d
\nAnd I almost agree \u2013
\nPut his face on a three-dollar bill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nMy proctologist hasn\u2019t much class:
\nAfter treatments, he lets no time pass
\nBefore sending his bill.
\n(Of compassion there\u2019s nil.)
\nThe guy\u2019s just a pain in the ass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

Watching bills (much like sausage) get made
\nMay be all that it takes to persuade
\nFolks to roundly reject
\nThe dumb pols they elect
\nAnd then send them right back to first grade.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

A Bill is by no means unique:
\nIt’s a name, or a debt to pay (eek!)
\nOr it could be a law;
\nOn a bird it’s the jaw
\nBut for that there’s a better word: Beak.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

The hooker I meet gives me thrills.
\nShe knows all those cool naughty skills.
\n\u201cWifey\u201d found my receipt
\nAnd screamed, \u201cYou\u2019re a cheat!\u201d
\nSo now I pay Lulu in bills.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

A person from Beverly Hills
\nHad frequently altered his wills.
\nHis heirs were bereft,
\nFor nothing was left:
\nThe lawyers had padded their bills.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard of unusual wills
\nBut nothing to top my friend Jill\u2019s:
\nThe language provides
\nFor limousine rides
\nFor her pug, and to pay all his bills!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

A football fanatic named Stills
\nWho got caught with his hand in the tills
\nSaid, \u201cJudge, let me go
\nCause I need all this dough
\nTo pay off my Buffalo Bills.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cThis creature is weirdly designed,
\nLike a beaver and otter combined,
\nWith a bill like a duck,\u201d
\nDarwin said. \u201cWTF?
\nGod must have been out of His mind!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Mr. Dunn chases folks on the run;
\nAt his job he is second to none.
\nHe collects unpaid bills,
\nAnd it gives him great thrills.
\nDunn has fun till he\u2019s done with the dun.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The plumber piped up, speaking plain, \u201cAll this crap here has blocked up your main.\u201d So I paid him to break […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,5106,5009,5018,5144,5399,5446,5343,5447,3369,5172,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43609"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43609"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43609\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43641,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43609\/revisions\/43641"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43609"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43609"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43609"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}