{"id":43565,"date":"2021-01-30T17:13:44","date_gmt":"2021-01-30T21:13:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43565"},"modified":"2021-01-30T17:48:11","modified_gmt":"2021-01-30T21:48:11","slug":"limerick-off-award-462","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/01\/30\/limerick-off-award-462\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (462)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve taken my dog for a treat
\nTo the rest’rant where I often eat.
\nI order, and they
\nLead my doggie away;
\nI suppose it\u2019s to give him some meat.<\/p>\n

They bring me my lunch in a box,
\nBut inside, I see something that shocks.
\n\u201cYou have roasted my dog!\u201d
\nAnd the waiter, agog,
\nSays \u201cI thought you said \u2018Beagle with lox\u2019.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Instruments-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A composer just lost it one day;
\nNow his music is hellish to play.
\nThe percussion\u2019s a roar,
\nOverwhelming the score.
\nIt\u2019s a cymbal of mental decay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

Mary Lawks visits Scottish lake docks,
\nHides smoked salmon all wrapped up in socks.
\nThey’d be put in a box,
\nPadlocked tight, sunk with rocks.
\nMrs. Lawks locks the lox in the lochs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR and SUZANNE HEYMANN, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cGrasp it firmly with both hands\u201d, he said,
\n\u201cNow get over it, lower your head,
\nPurse your lips, and then blow.
\nAh, that\u2019s lovely! Just so!\u201d
\n… She was learning the flute \u2013 you misread?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

You have led us right into temptation
\nWith your rhyme\u2019s instrumental narration.
\nYour male READERS will swear
\nAnd then howl in despair
\nWith your incomplete rare demonstration!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Sondra Landin, Sharon Neeman, Suzanne Heymann, Terry Marter, Rudy Landesman, and Paul Haebig. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LOCKS or LOX or LOCHS or LAWKS” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Dr. Frankenstein built me a fox:
\nPretty face, framed by long, lovely locks.
\nBut he did something odd
\nWhile constructing her bod.
\nLet\u2019s just say I\u2019ll be needing two cocks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

My cousin in Ireland rocks!
\nAll the boys used to call her “the fox.”
\nNow she’s back in New York,
\nFin’ly left County Cork;
\nCouldn’t wait to have boxty and lox.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Of those sins that wash up on the rocks \u2014
\nTattered clothes, shattered toes (still in socks!) \u2014
\nHorrid sights that appall,
\nWhat\u2019s the worst one of all?
\nRuined salmon that could have been lox!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

She owned oodles of jewels and frocks
\nAnd a scarf that was made from a fox.
\nBut she never went out;
\nToo much trouble, no doubt
\nJust to style and to set all her locks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sondra Landin:<\/p>\n

I needed to color my locks
\nAnd I chose a new hue from a box.
\nNow my hair has turned green!
\nI can\u2019t let it be seen,
\nSo I guess I\u2019ll crawl under some rocks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Monday morning, the deli boss (Fox)
\nEncountered the rudest of shocks:
\nThe Sunday guy (Bridges)
\nHad burgled the fridges!
\nFox had to replace all the lo(x)\/(cks). <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My friend, who\u2019s a cool refined Brit,
\nNever curses, not even a bit.
\nWhen life deals him hard knocks
\nHe exclaims only \u201cLawks!\u201d
\nAs for me, though, I just go with \u201cShit!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INSTRUMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

After working my bones to the max,
\nI go home, sit, drink wine, and relax.
\nWhen Dave Brubeck plays live,
\nI revive and I jive
\nWith “Take Five” on piano and sax.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

I asked Santa to bring me a cello,
\nBut St. Nick only laughed: “My dear fellow,
\nThat won’t fit in my sled;
\nTry this weed here, instead,
\nIf you’re looking for smooth, rich, and mellow.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

When I write about woodwind and brass
\nThe obvious rhyme word is \u201cAss.\u201d
\nIt\u2019s a word I\u2019ve reviewed,
\nBut it’s bawdy and rude,
\nSo I must find a word with more class.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

I love my antique-store barometer
\nCombined with a handy thermometer.
\nThree instruments, all
\nIn one frame on the wall,
\nThe third one, of course, a hygrometer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Please bring me the instruments, Faye.
\nThis stone must come out right away.
\nShe came back with a flute
\nAnd an unfretted lute.
\nI think she brought in the wrong tray.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

\u201cSince this tambourine chafes at my thumb,\u201d
\nSaid young Starkey, \u201cI guess I\u2019ll just hum.\u201d
\nBut the kid would go far,
\nAnd when grown be a star,
\nOnce he ended up snaring a drum.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

There once was a man from Bolzano,
\nA genius at playing the piano.
\nHe used just one hand
\nOn his old baby grand
\nAnd mastered it mano a mano.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann, for this 2-verser:<\/p>\n

\nLearning flute was a bitch, I recall.
\nBefore blowing air forward at all,
\nBoth your lips have to ape
\nA wee hole that’s the shape
\nOf a diamond, agape, but still small.<\/p>\n

I could not make that magical sound,
\nBut in wheezes and hisses, I drowned.
\nUpper lip had a bump
\nQuite a big, fleshy lump.
\nThrew the flute in the dump as I frowned.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul Haebig, for this 2-verser:<\/p>\n

Last winter I went to Aruba
\nTo paddleboard, snorkel, and scuba.
\nWhen I got to the place
\nI\u2019d brought the wrong case!
\nI had to breathe air through my tuba.<\/p>\n

My snorkeling tuba gave pause
\nTo the other beach-goers because
\nWhen I came up for air,
\nThe sound said \u201cBeware!\u201d
\nIt played the theme music from \u201cJaws.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick: I\u2019ve taken my dog for a treat To the rest’rant where I often eat. I order, and they Lead my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,5009,5018,5144,5399,5446,5052,5343,5447,3369,4533,5407,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43565"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43565"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43565\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43607,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43565\/revisions\/43607"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43565"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43565"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43565"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}