{"id":43528,"date":"2021-01-16T17:29:26","date_gmt":"2021-01-16T21:29:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43528"},"modified":"2021-01-16T18:22:31","modified_gmt":"2021-01-16T22:22:31","slug":"limerick-off-award-461","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/01\/16\/limerick-off-award-461\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (461)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Santa pleaded and begged, and cajoled;
\nIn response, though, his missus was bold:
\n\u201cMe, get naked in here?
\nIt\u2019s the Arctic, my dear!\u201d
\nIt\u2019s a drag when your gal is so cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Knitting, Sewing, and\/or Other Needlework Crafts-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

“Bad news,” said the doctor, dismayed,
\nAs the craft teacher’s X-rays displayed:
\n“Though the six weeks have passed,
\nI can’t take off your cast,
\n\u2019Cause the bones haven’t knit. They’ve… crocheted!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order). Sue Dulley, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Byron Miller, Michael Moulton, Rudy Landesman, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Steve Benko<\/a> Diane Groothuis, Konrad Schwoerke, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cCOLD\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO KNITTING, SEWING, & OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-Themed LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

I took on a small sewing task
\nTo make me a nice comfy mask.
\nSo, lo and behold
\nNow my face isn’t cold
\nAnymore. (Yes, I’m old. Need you ask?)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“COLD” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

On the stump, grumpy Trump (so it\u2019s told),
\nGrumbled, \u201cFreezing my ass off gets old.\u201d
\nMaybe if he hangs tough,
\nHe\u2019ll end up soon enough,
\nIn that place where it NEVER gets cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

A lothario\u2019s lust had gone cold
\nFor a woman of size he\u2019d cajoled;
\nToward ecstasy driven,
\nAll night, he had striven,
\nBut never did find the right fold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

She longed to wear clothes that were bold,
\nEven daring; risque’, truth be told,
\nBut she really felt better
\nIn jeans and a sweater –
\nIt’s hard to look hot when you’re cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Michael P Moulton:<\/p>\n

In an attitude scathing and cold,
\nJim Jordan, a self-righteous scold,
\nSaid our founders would never
\nBack closures; however,
\nThey\u2019re dead, so they cannot be polled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

America, we have been told,
\nHas streets that are all lined with gold.
\nThat\u2019s small consolation
\nFor those in our nation
\nWho huddle and freeze in the cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman, for her \u201cThe Seven Dwarfs\u201d<\/p>\n

Mr. Grumpy could not be controlled.
\nMr. Bashful would always withhold
\nHis longing for friends
\nAnd trying new trends.
\nAnd Sneezy, of course, had a cold.<\/p>\n

Mr. Happy was cheerful and bold.
\nHe couldn\u2019t wake Sleepy, (I\u2019m told.)
\nMr. Dopey was thick.
\nDoc cured all the sick
\nExcept Sneezy, who still had that cold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (KNITTING, SEWING, & OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

A stitch in time (some say) saves nine,
\nWhich doesn’t quite rhyme, but that’s fine.
\nSo before it gets worse
\nI will sew up this verse
\nJust by adding this fifth and last line.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I resolved to give knitting a try,
\nBut I\u2019m clumsy. It all went awry.
\nI got tangled in yarn
\nAnd \u2014 oh heck and gosh darn \u2014
\nA needle near put out my eye.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Manly knitting \u2013 what might that entail?
\nKnitting socks while you languish in jail?
\nOr at sea, while you pitch?
\nCareful! Don\u2019t drop that stitch!
\nNever mind that it\u2019s blowing a gale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\nSaid young Betsy, \u201cOh, George, please don\u2019t nag,
\nFor I\u2019m almost done sewing your flag.
\nNow, as for my fee,
\nSir, O say can you see
\nI\u2019m a widow in need of a shag?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis:<\/p>\n

I took up my needle and thread
\nTo make a nice hat for my head.
\nBut my greatest faux pas
\nIn these times was, by fah,
\nA baseball cap colored bright red.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

Jack, a drunkard, fell splitting his head,
\nBut Jill fixed him with needle and thread.
\nBoth his trauma was mended
\nAnd drinking was ended
\nWhen she stitched the fool\u2019s scalp to the bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Some ladies’ club held in a barn
\nWould embroider, knit, sew, crochet, darn.
\nTheir gossip manure
\nMade them look immature,
\nBut those grannies could sure spin a yarn!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Santa pleaded and begged, and cajoled; In response, though, his missus was bold: \u201cMe, get naked in here? It\u2019s the Arctic, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[2578,2747,2538,5009,5018,5144,3621,5446,5052,5343,5080,3369,4533,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43528"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43528"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43528\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43563,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43528\/revisions\/43563"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}