{"id":43446,"date":"2020-12-19T17:17:24","date_gmt":"2020-12-19T21:17:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43446"},"modified":"2020-12-19T17:25:16","modified_gmt":"2020-12-19T21:25:16","slug":"limerick-off-award-459","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/12\/19\/limerick-off-award-459\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (459)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Those in line surreptitiously groan,
\n\u201cHe\u2019s been in there all day with his phone.\u201d
\nBut they\u2019d rather implode
\nThan the King discommode,
\nSo they won\u2019t push him off of the throne.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to PAUL HAEBIG, who wins the Special MARKET-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

My trip to the market was fruitless,
\nAlso vegetable-, stem-, stalk-, and root-less.
\nThey have nothing I need,
\nBut it\u2019s still guaranteed
\nWhen I\u2019m done with my shopping I\u2019m loot-less.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Tony Holmes, Terry Marter, Craig Dykstra, Doug Harris, Sharon Neeman, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Sjaan VandenBroeder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MODE\/MOWED\/COMMODE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My dad had a very large load
\nOf bad jokes, which he loved (and it showed.)
\n\u201cHow\u2019d that brave frontier guy,
\nDavy Crockett, like pie?\u201d
\nThe right answer, of course: \u201cAlamo\u2019d.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Mister Keats wrote an ode to an urn,
\nWhich is why I will try, in my turn,
\nTo compose you an ode
\nTo my treasured commode.
\nI\u2019m no Keats, I am sure you\u2019ll discern.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

We had an old leaky commode
\nWhere the pipes had begun to corrode.
\nOne day, when Mum flushed,
\nIt all bust, and out gushed
\nThe full contents, – a fine Mother-load.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Craig Dykstra:
\n\u2063<\/p>\n

On the beach, in her thong, she bestowed\u2063
\nTreats to onlookers – everything showed!\u2063
\nBut now back home in Philly\u2063
\nHer short skirts are chilly \u2013\u2063
\nShe\u2019s regretting her \u201cPie \u00e0 la Mowed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She\u2019s in furious spring-cleaning mode;
\nHer superfluous stuff she\u2019ll unload.
\nAncient clothing, CDs,
\nOld computers, TVs,
\nAnd her boyfriend sit out by the road.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris:<\/p>\n

With fashion-sense I\u2019ve been bestowed.
\n(A picture should shortly upload.)
\nMy barber\u2019s main style
\nIs \u2018farm rank & file.\u2019
\nHe says it\u2019s all quite \u00e0-la-mowed!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Since I learned my cat knows the word “vet,”
\nI say “market” to baffle the pet —
\nBut this morning, I erred
\nAnd employed the right word,
\nAnd we’re both now extremely upset:<\/p>\n

Kitty leaped into daredevil mode!
\nAll the way down the counter she strode,
\nThen flew up to the freezer!
\nShe’s STILL there. Can’t seize her.
\nI mustn’t forget to use code.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

Marie Antoinette wrote an ode
\nTo the people on whose backs she rode.
\nBut she made a mistake
\nSaying, \u201cLet them eat cake!\u201d
\nWhen it should have been pie a la mode.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MARKET LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

An Invisible Hand\u2019s said to be
\nGuiding markets, as long as they\u2019re free.
\nWell, I\u2019ve seen it. It mocks
\nEv\u2019ry one of my stocks.
\nGuess which finger it\u2019s raising at me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a great deal on eBay,\u201d I mused.
\n\u201cThirty toilet rolls \u2013 can\u2019t be refused!\u201d
\nBut today, what I got \u2026.
\nWell, I\u2019d failed to spot
\nThe description \u201cCondition is: USED.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

I need food! How to get to the market?
\nBy car? I’ll have no place to park it.
\nBy bus? I’m too lazy —
\nMe? Bike?? Are you crazy???
\nI guess I’ll stay hungry… oh, fark it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

At the auction, my earlier tea
\nFound my bladder just bursting to pee;
\nRaised my hand for a pause
\nTo attend to my cause.
\nOops – too late – I now own a Dal\u00ed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

Said our marketing man, \u201cA sensation!
\nOur dildoes have thrilled the whole nation.
\nWhy in South Delaware
\nWe\u2019ve the whole market share;
\nWe\u2019ve a hundred percent penetration.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I went shopping today on a spree!
\nFor breakfast, I only had tea!
\nI was starving; went wild,
\nLike an uncontrolled child.
\nI\u2019m the proud owner now of aisle three.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Four piggies to market were taken.
\n(The fifth was too smart to awaken.)
\nOne went all to pieces
\nAnd faked enuresis.
\nThe rest had to bring home the bacon.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

At the market \u2014 it\u2019s more like a zoo \u2014
\nThere are crowds, but the face masks are few.
\nSo much saleable stuff!
\nBut it isn\u2019t enough
\n\u2019Cause these people still can\u2019t buy a clue.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Gladys fancied a farmer she\u2019d met
\nAt the market. Her only regret
\nWas that much of his food
\nWas, in shape, very rude,
\nAnd she\u2019d blush like a seasoned coquette.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Those in line surreptitiously groan, \u201cHe\u2019s been in there all day with his phone.\u201d But they\u2019d rather implode Than the King […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,65,42,103],"tags":[5401,4003,2690,3362,3523,5009,5018,5144,5399,5052,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-43446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-bob-turvey","tag-brian-allgar","tag-craig-dykstra","tag-doug-harris","tag-fred-bortz","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-paul-haebig","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43446","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43446"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43446\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43473,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43446\/revisions\/43473"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43446"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43446"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43446"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}