{"id":43404,"date":"2020-12-05T17:03:18","date_gmt":"2020-12-05T21:03:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43404"},"modified":"2020-12-05T17:41:28","modified_gmt":"2020-12-05T21:41:28","slug":"limerick-off-award-458","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/12\/05\/limerick-off-award-458\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (458)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cTo my girlfriend,\u201d wrote ardent Bernard
\n(Who considered himself quite the bard),
\n\u201cYou\u2019re a treasure, sweet Jo;
\nYou make love like a pro.\u201d
\nHe got dumped. Writing poetry\u2019s hard!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER,<\/a> who wins the Special LITIGATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I’m poor now, but boy, if you knew me
\nWhen I was still rich, that’s the true me!
\nI said, “I’m the king!
\nBow down! Kiss my ring!”
\nBut I shouldn’t have added, “So sue me!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Mark Mironer, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Terry Marter, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Konrad Schwoerke, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

You can use it for salads or stock;
\nYou can smoke it like pot (that\u2019s no crock.)
\nYou can even bombard
\nStreets with petrified chard
\nTo keep leaf blowers off of your block.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Our nation is limping and scarred
\nBy his criminal lack of regard.
\nWith Trump on the way
\nOut the door, I do pray
\nThat his next house is walled-off and barred.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Mironer:<\/p>\n

Poor Donnie is taking it hard
\nSo he\u2019s hunting for votes to discard.
\nSent his crooked A.G.
\nOn a fraud faking spree.
\nCertifiably Barr\u2019ll be disbarred.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you care for a piece of my chard?\u201d
\n(But by \u201cpiece\u201d I was sure he meant \u201cshard.\u201d)
\n\u201cNot one fragment, one sliver,\u201d
\nSaid I with a shiver.
\n(From my table these days Sade is barred.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The windows were padlocked and barred.
\nThe detectives were stumped; Scotland Yard
\nCalled a private detective
\nWho\u2019d prove more effective:
\n\u201cSherlock Holmes\u201d was the name on his card.<\/p>\n

Inspector Lestrade was quite shocked
\nBy how quickly the case was unblocked.
\nSaid Holmes, \u201cElement’ry!
\nThe burglar gained entry
\nBy op’ning this door \u2013 it\u2019s not locked!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LITIGATION LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Two confectioners rushed into court,
\nEach demanding, \u201cYou must try my torte!\u201d
\n\u201cLet the jury decide,\u201d
\nSaid the judge. \u201cI\u2019ll preside.
\nWe\u2019re in session. Let counsel exhort!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Rudy cries \u201cI\u2019ll continue to sue
\nEv’ry state that attempts to vote blue!
\nAnd as for my face,
\nIt\u2019s a total disgrace,
\nSo I\u2019m suing those dye-makers too.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

It behooves the American nation,
\nIn this era of grave infestation,
\nTo wash hands and wear masks,
\nAvoid crowds and shared flasks,
\nAnd refrain from inane litigation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s goodbye to that house you\u2019re vacating
\nAnd straight to that cell block awaiting.
\nYou can pout, you can frown,
\nBut you\u2019re still goin\u2019 down.
\nIt\u2019s over, — no courtroom debating.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A man filing suit after suit
\nFound that none of them bore any fruit.
\nPlus, his client, a jerk,
\nMay not pay for the work.
\nRudy couldn\u2019t have been less astute.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

\n“Did you kill that girl some folks called Flo?
\nWhose cheeks were so pink that they’d glow?”
\n“Well, I chopped off her head
\nAnd then left her for dead.”
\n“Mr. Johnson, please say, “yes” or “no.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A young con man who knew no chagrin,
\nTold his dad, \u201cI\u2019m so practiced at spin,
\nI should go into Law.\u201d
\n\u201cThat sounds good,\u201d said his paw.
\n\u201cI was hoping you\u2019d turn yourself in.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

I\u2019d not promised a thing when she blew me,
\nSo her lawyer\u2019s curt letter sure threw me.
\nI don\u2019t fathom what HE meant
\nBy \u201coral agreement,\u201d
\nBut I\u2019ll lick her in court should she sue me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: \u201cTo my girlfriend,\u201d wrote ardent Bernard (Who considered himself quite the bard), \u201cYou\u2019re a treasure, sweet Jo; You make love like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,2538,5009,5018,5144,3286,2537,5052,5343,5407,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43404"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43404"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43436,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43404\/revisions\/43436"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}